for not wanting my other children to go near our youngest??

[staycalmandcarryon]

My DS2 is 7 months old, he has had several infections, Bronchiolitis and now an infection in his right lung... pneumonia, we have spent most of the weekend in hospital, he is now under a specialist etc

My DSS who is nearly 4 has constant coughs and colds, my eldest DS who is 7 is never ever poorly (touch wood) other than terrible croup when he was younger and a random attack last year.

I have said that in future when DSS has a cough and a cold, I need to keep them separate as my youngest doesnt just get a cough or cold it gets serious, resulting in numerous hospital visits, sleepness nights, medication, steroids and antibiotics which is extremely stressful for him, his lungs and me.

I am expecting another baby in October, so my emotions are heightened.

However I feel this is reasonable, I know it is difficult to do that and not the best situation but I dont want my baby being this poorly I am his mother and I have a natural instinct to protect him, I dont enjoy watching him struggling for breath, not eating and generally being really poorly so if I can prevent it then I will do whatever I can.

Agree whith what rollonautumn said.

And I don't think the OP was talking about isolation and sending someone away - just higher hygiene standards and no close contact with the baby if they have a cold. Which is just common sence, really. So YANBU.

Am a bit about the reaction of a lot of posters.

just because your ds is never ill doesn't mean he isn't carrying germs, my ds as lowered immunity, i was advised by fantastic gp, consultants, specialists to keep him exposed to germs or his immune system will never become strong enough to fight stuff off.

If you genuinely don't see why you are getting a hard time, have a read back through your posts. You keep sticking in random asides about your step-son which seem to indicate that he is the problem in your mind. If you had just said "I want to keep my DS1 and my DSS away when they are ill" you would probably have got a bit more sympathy. Not agreement, but sympathy. But instead you posted in such a way that initially made it sound as though it was just your DSS you wanted to exclude, and the as though he was the reason you were excluding your DS. You later made a completely irrelevant comment about him being BF and comparing him unfavourably to DS again.

It reads as though negative thoughts about your step-son just keep seeping through, and as though you wouldn't be considering this if it was just your son to think about.

And the comment about deciding which child to save is just vile. I don't know how you actually could bring yourself to have that conversation with your DH. Even the thought of it makes me shiver.

I quite understand your desire to protect your ds2. However, I honestly cannot see how your current proposals will do anything other than damage the rest of the family while still not actually helping the poorly one. Even if you keep the rest of the family away you will still have to live in the real world - unless you plan to isolate yourself and your ds2 - and you cannot completely avoid infections.

In the meantime, there's a very real danger that you will have broken up the family unit in a way that'll be hard to put together again. Also, what do you plan to do about the baby you are expecting? Send it away at the very first sniffle?

Far better to get some realistic and sensible advice from your ds2's consultant rather than take these drastic and quite possibly ineffective measures.

In most cases (excluding major ilness's), exposing your child to common ailments actually increasies thier immune system

why thank you, thank the lord that all people are as judgemental and cruel as most of you on here! while a majority of you are hurling abuse, there are a few that actually have something useful to say that has given me good advise, this whole experience hasnt been all bad!

arent*

YABU. You are mother to all your children and can't pick and choose.

If an infection is fully airborne then it will spread through a household without physical contact and your keeping away the older children will not help but will do huge damage to their emotional development.

If it is not airborne then you can protect the baby by teaching the older ones good hygeine, making sure their hands are free of snot and spit when they touch the baby, and ensure they understand that washing their hands and using a hankie on their nose is a good and helpful thing they can do to help look after their little brother.

thank you xkcdfangirl that is what I intend to do. I never meant keeping the boys in different rooms etc just not sneezing all over him, touching with snotty fingers etc

anyway i'm done with AIBU...need to relax and sleep!

OP given your history of mental health issues I really think you should be discussing this issue with your GP. Your reactions aren't rational and your comments about fire are (in the context of your history) are quite worrying.
I hope your DC recovers and stays well and I hope you can get some help for yourself.

My recent mental health issues? You mean my Puerapel psychosis? Why thank you for reminding, not sure what gives you the right to say that it has nothing to do with my son being poorly or the angry reaction to judgemental people like yourself! It was purely a throw back to you all! WOW I am truly shocked now

You were asking for help on your other thread a few days ago, about your state of mind and your symptoms coming back.

No one wants to see you unhappy and I think you could actually do with some TLC. Sick children are stressful and add in the fact your not feeling too good either its understandable if you feel under pressure and perhaps a bit more defensive than you normally would.

Regardless of what you think of any of the responses to your posts, I think you might feel better if you actually spoke to someone about how you currently feel.

Sorry if I have upset you, that isn't my intention.

go to bed OP, really, and hide this thread.

i'm not trying to be mean to you but you have honestly come across so so poorly on this thread, others can't be blamed for reacting badly to your comments.

i'm sorry for your troubles and hope you get the help/perspective/whatever you need from the Dr. i do think your OCD is coming across here... and you are coming out with things that sound incredibly off-colour, which is getting people's backs up.

OP if your psychosis symptoms are coming back, or lingering, that's even more of a reason to step back from here and take a break, and just get some proper support irl instead x

Op - I'm sorry if you've had mental health problems recently. Perhaps that's why your posts come across as a little unusual.

I think your lovely baby will be just fine. My DS was in and out of hospital for the first year with bronchiolitis, febrile convulsions etc. including one stretch in an oxygen box for nearly a week.

I didn't see how I could ever keep all germs away what with a DD who always seemed to have a snotty nose from pre-school, so I decided to 'embrace' them and focus on the fact that it would strengthen his immune system for the future.
That's not to say it wasn't worrying at times. having a fragile baby is a horrible thing because they seem so precious and defenseless and sometimes we are the only thing between them and harm.

Your LO will be fine I'm sure and being surrounded by a large family will be a very healthy thing for him.

Your truely shocked really? what reaction were you looking for

'Lets get this into perspective, I love all my children but if there was a fire and I HAD to CHOOSE who do you think it would be???'

I am a stepmum so let me tell you HE is 4 yrs old it's not his fault he is an innocent you took on him as a package deal with your OH and as an extention of your OH! The same as me with my DSD AND she would be the first person I would get to safety

So what are you going to do when your next child gets ill segrate your current baby? how would that work

poor wee mite bet he feels loved huh

I am so sorry your LO is so poorly and hope he recovers soon. I understand your dilemma as I have children with disabilities and one of whom was frequently hospitalised when 'ordinary' bugs and viruses made him seriously ill.

However I have never or would never have seperated the other children from their brother. I tried to teach them basic hygiene, of course, but other than that I felt it important for their lives not to disrupted more than necessary. Having a young child who is often so ill and in hospital is very time consuming (never mind the emotional affects of course) and the other children had enough to bear at such a time. I felt it so very, very important never to neglect the other children's needs (not for a minute suggesting you are) and spend as much quality time with them as possible. And the only way we could meet all the children's needs was to all stay together. Perhaps I was risking the physical health of the LO, but I knew for certain I was risking the emotional health of the others if I distanced them from us and LO. I could never, ever have seperated the children. The other children were small too, they were vulnerable too, they did not always understand and they needed their parents more than ever. I always knew that the other children suffer when a sibling is ill, they also have their fears and worries, and I found it vital to reassure them and include them in visits when at all possible. How we got through those difficult medical times was as a family, all together, making the other children realise that their needs were just as important. Letting them know that even though much time was spent around a hospital bed, we still had time emotionally and physically for them. The thought of distancing the 'healthy' children when they had ordinary sniffles was something I could never personally do. It would have felt neglectful to not have the other children around as I thought the alternative of 'sending them away' would ultimately harm them emotionally and also possibly create future difficulties for the siblings relationships. Although not criticising your decision I always felt in my families case I would not allow the other children to feel guilty or to worry that they harm their brother with their cold/cough.We were all in it together really and I think actually became closer because of that. Now they are older they have never once resented their brother for times spent around a sickbed, and I believe had I distanced them it might be very different.

I know some people have criticised you as it is your DSS you talk of, but as my children were all adopted or fostered I found it even more important to treat them the same and not prioritise one over the other. I am sure you do the same.

I wish you and all your family well. And I hope it does not sound too patronising if I say that when you have a poorly little one, it can also be a confusing and upsetting time for the others. I'm afraid I probably kept my other children even closer during those awful times. Good luck!

OP - I think you're mental health issues actually have everything to do with your feelings towards your stepchild. Get some help today. The way you've reacted to this, the things you've posted here indicate you need RL support. Two pregnancies in a year is a huge amount of hormonal disturbance and physical stress. Don't leave this thinking it will get better by itself. It probably won't.

Hi OP, it sounds like you're having a really tough time of it and you have decided that DSS' colds are the enemy. I think that's why you started talking about the fire thing, you're trying to justify saving DS by sacrificing DSS in a way?

My suggestion would be to recognise that DSS didn't start the fire so to speak. Instead of thinking of who to save, or "it's him versus DS", you need to take on board the good suggestions given on this thread re hygiene and so on and make a family plan that everyone must follow.

If you single out DSS to blame for DS's condition, however "gently", you're setting yourself up for major family problems in the future. And it's deeply unfair of course. Think of ways to pull the family together instead of ripping it apart.

staycalm
My DD2 has immune problems amongst other things. She could be in a sealed bubble and still get sick. Once she's sick she can't fight it herself so it gets bad quickly.

I wouldn't stop her being around DS or DD1. She and they need normality as much as possible. All hell breaks loose when DD2 is admitted so we make the most of being a family when she's at home and well.

We have very nearly lost her 3 times in her nearly 3 years with us. yes it makes you protective but it makes you realise. nothing will prevent the illnesses but you can improve her moral and cherish the well times. Having a normal home life will help her fight her infections more than limiting contact.

As for the fire thing, thats just stupid. Any mother would collect up every child and take them all with her step or natural child. I just don't believe anyone would be that heartless and I don't think you would actually do that. Please don't rank your children in order of preference.

staycalm How are you feeling today? Lots of good advice on this thread so maybe you need a bit of TLC at the moment. Ignore the flak but be wise and get a bit of help. Hope your little one is OK today.