for not wanting my other children to go near our youngest??

[staycalmandcarryon]

My DS2 is 7 months old, he has had several infections, Bronchiolitis and now an infection in his right lung... pneumonia, we have spent most of the weekend in hospital, he is now under a specialist etc

My DSS who is nearly 4 has constant coughs and colds, my eldest DS who is 7 is never ever poorly (touch wood) other than terrible croup when he was younger and a random attack last year.

I have said that in future when DSS has a cough and a cold, I need to keep them separate as my youngest doesnt just get a cough or cold it gets serious, resulting in numerous hospital visits, sleepness nights, medication, steroids and antibiotics which is extremely stressful for him, his lungs and me.

I am expecting another baby in October, so my emotions are heightened.

However I feel this is reasonable, I know it is difficult to do that and not the best situation but I dont want my baby being this poorly I am his mother and I have a natural instinct to protect him, I dont enjoy watching him struggling for breath, not eating and generally being really poorly so if I can prevent it then I will do whatever I can.

youll be buggered when the baby starts school.

dc3 was always very ill and in and out of hospital. i couldnt imagine keeping the other two away!

'Lets get this into perspective, I love all my children but if there was a fire and I HAD to CHOOSE who do you think it would be???'

did you actually just say that???

does your dp know how you feel?

I agree fairhaired - can you imagine how the OP's poor dh would feel to see that?

How would you keep it up long term? What about when he goes to nursery/pre school?

You can try to control the germs as much as possible but you can't and shouldn't blame your other children for making your baby ill. It's not productive, it's not going to get you anywhere other than make you more and more obsessive.

I missed the 'who would I choose' comment.

That is a crap thing to say OP. Really shite.

I have a child who is not my birth child.

well as it so happens my Darling DS has come home with a cold, well i'll be damned! I know.... i'll ignore that as he's my son and let him sneeze and snot all over my DS2 as he's mine, and my DSS will just have to deal with not being my Darling DS and stay in the corner.

On a serious note, yes i guess I am being over cautious, being OCD I do tend to have those annoying traits. so with you amazingly friendly advice that you have all taken the time to give, I will try not to be so uptight and worried all the time, I will buy copious amounts of kleenex pocket tissues, hand gels and have an session on nose wiping and hand sanitising, not that ive neglected to teach these but children do tend to forget whilst distracted so maybe teaching the importance of hygiene is a better method than victimising my DSS.

Does he get wheezy when he gets a cold/chest infection then? Both my DC reacted to common cold virus like your baby DS does, and for both of them they ended up taking singulair (monteleukast) daily medicine, which really has prevented the complications. Perhaps you could ask the specialist if it would help your DS.

Don't think you should have said the fire thing.
Not nice.

that comment about choosing children in the event of a fire is just takes this thread to a whole other level of evil stepmother stereotypes. WOW.

OP do you also have a mirror that tells you how gorgeous you are???

please listen to yourself! your poor DSS!

Yes my DH does know what I have said, I dont beat around the bush or pussy foot around anyone, he actually said that if it were his DS and my DS, having to choose literally he would do the same!!

Get off your high and mighty thrown that you believe you are on, it is reality i'm afraid and a natural instinct. Not saying it is good it is just the facts!! How could anyone leave their own child to die and save anothers??? hypothetically speaking

So far it sounds as though there is no evidence that the youngest does have an immunodeficiency. he may just have been unlucky. I think keeping the older kids away from the baby when they are unwell is fine if you are prepared to cuddle and comfor them when they are unwell and leave the well baby alone for a while or with your husband. If you are always in contact with the baby though and your "rule" means that the unwell child loses contact with you because you won't put the baby down then you are being unreasonable. Your older kids need you when unwell just as much as the baby does.

your names not that apt is it?

you asked a question, got an answer, got shitty...anything left?

You are tired and pregnant and have a sick baby.

I have been there, you need to be kind to yourself and your other children.

Your DSS is picking up things at nursery and in the long run this is good for him and his younger siblings as it means they will be robust germ fighting machines by the time they get to nursery age.

It is really stressful but it won't be less stressful having 4 year old who thinks it is his fault that his baby brother is in hospital.

i would post in health and find some people who regularlly juggle sick children and family life. Hope both your wee ones gets well soon.

anonymow thats sounds really interesting and helpful, thank you I will definitely ask about that, its not fair on the others or my husband and myself, if that is going to help then it would be amazing!!

Sweet Jesus.

Your husband is either as bad as you or agreeing to keep the peace.

I hope there is never a time when you've the choice to make.

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Please OP, stop digging.

Problem with your initial worries are that there are many people in the same boat, with chronically ill children who have siblings. Thing is, it's just not practical to family life to separate siblings so why bother even trying to. I understand you wanting to wrap your baby in cotton wool but the approach you have taken on this thread (and presumably as you are so 'up front' in RL) is what has gotten peoples backs up.

Go get some rest, if you've been in hospital all weekend you're going to be exhausted. Arguing with people on the net isnt going to help you at this moment in time.

OP - seriously you sat around discussing who gets saved in a fire?

Surely just be a strict enforcer of tissue disposal, hand washing, gels, wiping down handles and light switches, giving everything a bit of a (lavender) dettol, during cold times. DS1 just had an operation and he really didn't need a cold right now, but there is no way I could practically separate him from DS2.

hey, you guys are the ones who have suggested it is a "step son" thing going on here so I have just put it into perspective that if I had to choose then I would!

In an ideal world yes of course you save them all, for fuck sake I am not saying that I would just leave him there, I am saying if i were forced into a position like that then yes I would.... I have said this because of your comments regarding me singling him out!

For the last time, it is not about that.

I'm out

Tbh you singled out your DSS - re-read your initial post.

All this who would you save business just made things worse.

That went well then OP
Own goal for the step mum

I have two children.

When my youngest was a year old, he got an asthma diagnosis. By then he had been in hospital a few times, he had been ill with pneumonia, bronchiolities twice, chest infections and the like several times. He had been on numerous antibiotics courses, he had inhalers, he had steroid tablets, the lot.

My 4 year old came home from nursery with coughs and colds, spluttering all over my youngest. My 4 year old brought home sickie bugs too.

It is life. Children bring home illnesses, and give to younger siblings with a weaker immune system.

Your problem is that you dont know this from experience prior to what you are experiencing now. Your oldest child was a lone child in your family until you met your dp and his child that is now your dss.

You need to look at yourself and ask yourself why it is that you are blaming your dss. It seems to me that you do.

You need to realize that it is perfectly normal for an older sibling to bring illness home to younger ones. Your 7 year old is past that stage. 4 years is typical for having coughs and cold.

In order for you to limit your babies infections, you need to look into limiting your dss's colds. Is he well dressed? Is he cold? Is he eating a good and healthy diet? Is he getting enough fruit and fish in his diet so that his immune system can fight off bugs? etc.

In a while your baby will be bringing home bugs for your next baby.

You just have to accept that this is life. There is not much you can do about this!