for not wanting my other children to go near our youngest??

[staycalmandcarryon]

My DS2 is 7 months old, he has had several infections, Bronchiolitis and now an infection in his right lung... pneumonia, we have spent most of the weekend in hospital, he is now under a specialist etc

My DSS who is nearly 4 has constant coughs and colds, my eldest DS who is 7 is never ever poorly (touch wood) other than terrible croup when he was younger and a random attack last year.

I have said that in future when DSS has a cough and a cold, I need to keep them separate as my youngest doesnt just get a cough or cold it gets serious, resulting in numerous hospital visits, sleepness nights, medication, steroids and antibiotics which is extremely stressful for him, his lungs and me.

I am expecting another baby in October, so my emotions are heightened.

However I feel this is reasonable, I know it is difficult to do that and not the best situation but I dont want my baby being this poorly I am his mother and I have a natural instinct to protect him, I dont enjoy watching him struggling for breath, not eating and generally being really poorly so if I can prevent it then I will do whatever I can.

YABVU and I say that as a mother of a child who has had more chest problems than I can count in his 2.5 years. He is also an only child.

These things happen, you can't treat one child like shite on the off chance they may pass something on to their sibling. Are you going to keep your new baby away from your son to? After all who knows what germs the baby may pass on!

Eh? What does your DSS have that could be life threatening to your DS?
Your op does make it sound like you just dont like your DSS.

Where would you send your older child or new baby when they are I'll

This is why step families can be very hard things to deal with at times. It should be simple, all children in a family deserve to be treated the same. But when the reality of treating children the same means that you have to put the health of your biological child behind the happiness of your step child, it's not going to be easy.

*Ill

What happens if your older son gets ill, will he be banished? Or is this just for SS? Jeez

They should know by now to put their hand to their mouth when they cough or sneeze, my DD learnt that aged 2.

madness i tell thee

exposure to germs is part of building a healthy immune system,or so i was lead to believe

Well, it sounds like you've made the decision OP, how you implement it is a another question. sounds like a two person job, to me.

what does your dh have to say on the issue?

No you teach your children not to sneeze in your poorly ds's face and he can be vaccinated against most types of pneumonia you know and if be is that susceptible these bugs are around us all the time he will probably pick it up from someone else.

Well I think I would ask the specialist in the hospital for their opinion. Can't see how it could be practical to keep two children in the same family separate.

Can pneumonia really be caused by being breathed on or sneezed on by someone who doesn't have pneumonia? I didn't know that.

Sorry you are stressed out. Do whatever it takes to keep your little one safe.

They are going to do tests to see if there are any problems with his immunity.

This is nothing to do with him being my step son, for goodness sake, no one is being treated like a leper! Its not like I am doing it in a nasty way, it is gently explaining that we dont want him getting poorly, it is for the benefit of all of us, it doesnt just effect DS it effect all of them as if I am at the hospital all the time with the youngest, how can I be there for the older ones.

It doesnt take away quality time from the older children either, you can still have time with them without having them all together.

if you've already decided YANBU, can i suggest not posting for opinions in AIBU?

I'm sorry your baby has been so unwell. Unfortunately I agree with the others - you can't separate the children. You just can't protect a child, no matter how vulnerable, from coughs and colds, we are surrounded by them.

Are you sure your not over reacting? Babies get colds all the time, especially with brothers and sisters.

Hello staycalm

I know how you feel, I really do.
But this is no way to live and it will not work.

My DD had cancer. For most of two years she had NO immune system. Not a lowered one, she simply had none to speak of.

My DS were 1 and 10 when she was diagnosed.

I understand your wish to protect your child but you cannot keep your other children away from him.

Unless you are going to stop taking your child out at all and keep ALL other human beings away from him, you cannot protect him from illness.

In fact you may be doing more harm than good as he will nto have a chance to build up immunity.

Normal hygeine and common sense will keep him safe.

If your older children get a cold make sure they wash their hands often and dont allow them to sneeze over the baby.

Remember your little boy will be crawling and touching and putting things in his mouth. You CANNOT protect him from germs and you shouldnt try.

I do understand your worries so please take it from me, dont allow this to run your life and damage your relationship with your family.

So you are going to - somehow - keep them apart but you are going to go between the two thus spreading germs anyway? You haven't really thought this through have you!

I really don't think your plan would have any impact upon your sons likelyhood of getting ill again, some children just have more problems unfortunatly. I know how horrible it is but do you really want him growing up thinking he is different from everyone else and needs treating differently? It is very tempting to wrap them in cotton wool but realistically thats not good for anyone!

Can you look into the vaccination for pnuemonia?

Teach the older children to cover their mouth and nose when coughing/sneezing.

I can't see how you can keep the children separate. I'm just not sure of the logistics of it all. They are siblings and they need to be together, to play, etc.

And you say the 3y dss has a constant cough and cold - how would that work? Would he ever get to see his brother?

I can understand how stressful it is for you having a poorly baby, but not sure how keeping your baby in isolation from others is going to be practical tbh.

Oh good grief! 'your emotions are heightened'? How about the emotions of your stepson and your husband as you lay down the law. Babies get sick sometimes and most will grow out of problems in infancy. Deal with it. You've no right at all to seperate your stepson from his siblings. Try growing up a bit.

How often does dss come over by the way?

I assume you never take the baby to the supermarket or on the school run and live in a bubble?

I'm going to go against the grain here.
When and if either of your older children get poorly, I don't think it's unreasonable to try and keep the baby away from them until they're better. However, if your DSS really does have 'constant coughs and colds' that means your DSS never being in contact with the baby.

Which is rather unreasonable, not to mention unenforceable. Do bear in mind that your DS can carry germs in onto the baby without getting ill himself, too.