for not wanting my other children to go near our youngest??

[staycalmandcarryon]

My DS2 is 7 months old, he has had several infections, Bronchiolitis and now an infection in his right lung... pneumonia, we have spent most of the weekend in hospital, he is now under a specialist etc

My DSS who is nearly 4 has constant coughs and colds, my eldest DS who is 7 is never ever poorly (touch wood) other than terrible croup when he was younger and a random attack last year.

I have said that in future when DSS has a cough and a cold, I need to keep them separate as my youngest doesnt just get a cough or cold it gets serious, resulting in numerous hospital visits, sleepness nights, medication, steroids and antibiotics which is extremely stressful for him, his lungs and me.

I am expecting another baby in October, so my emotions are heightened.

However I feel this is reasonable, I know it is difficult to do that and not the best situation but I dont want my baby being this poorly I am his mother and I have a natural instinct to protect him, I dont enjoy watching him struggling for breath, not eating and generally being really poorly so if I can prevent it then I will do whatever I can.

Op I came on to try and give you some support, but with your last comment I just cannot do it. Do you have any idea how much shit step parents on this site get and how hard we have to work to avoiding the sort of blatant stereotyping views like yours cause. What an awful, awful thing to say! I have every sympathy with a step parent, particularly when pregnant finding things tough but that was just really unpleasant and completely unneeded. And fwiw yes you are being unreasonable to only segregate your step child. Its a bugger that he is a sicky child and I am sorry for the experience with your baby but your child will be exposed to lots of germs over the years and seperating him from siblings will not protect him and is just not very nice at all.

quitessentialshadows DSS can be quite picky with foods, he absolutely loves fruit berries especially, not many vegetables and will pick, I think this is just his nature, he likes ti graze more than anything, I have tried giving him eyeq but if you know those, they taste awful so he doesnt like them, he like the bassets chewy but I am sceptical about those, I asked the doctors today and they said I could give the baby some vitamin drops, so I am also going to give those to DSS. DSS has always had coughs and colds, bugs ever since I have known him, through out the year, apparently he wasnt breastfed for very long at all, where as DS was however DS2 was only BF for 7 weeks, due to complications, I do blame myself for that I know how important it is for them, I dont blame DSS but it is so hard in this situation, his cousins are the same, which is where DSS probably catches of his. Yes it is part of life and if it were different circumstances I wouldnt be so worried if only DS2 immune system were a little stronger. They doctors have said he hasnt got asthma, it also doesnt run in family. I'm just going to make sure the boys keep up with hygiene etc and deal with it. it wouldnt be so bad if we were closer to hospital and had immediate family around, it does make it more difficult.

Thanks for you advice :)

so now the poor dss wasnt breastfed. poor child. thank god hes got you.

do you read the daily wail op?

i actually don't have a problem.

The more you post the more I feel sorry for you step son!

Why did you post in AIBU?

Rather than in SN or child health?

OP - just an observation here. Your DS is strong and fine and seems to be able to shrug off colds. But your DSS and DS2 don't? Perhaps a genetic link to their father? You made a comment about their cousins being the same?

TBH - it sounds like you need some rest. What you have posted sounds like the crazy comments of an exhausted person, at the end of their tether. I understand your worry. But you really did post in the wrong place for advice, which is what you need.

In general, you seriously do need to calm down. Stressing on MN isn't going to do you or your baby and DS' any good.

I don't think it is unreasonable to teach children good hygiene habits, however you need to be realistic about what is achievable in a household and shielding children from one another is largely unsuccessful.

I've been a lurker for a while on MN and this post has prompted me to write. OP, go to bed, get some rest.........take on board peoples advice here, don't separate your children, step or birth - I do think you ABU here. Your comment on the fire....not good......its a very strange conversation to have with your partner :oS which child would you save if you had to....

She obviously posted in here to cause a stir MrsDeVerve. Well, she has achieved that at least.

it's not relevant OP...
my sister was bf and she suffered dreadful illnesses as a child... and is extremely allergic as an adult
i was ff and had no such problem at all.
every child is different and it's unlikely that the fact your DSS was ff has any bearing on anything.

you just sound more and more like you look down your nose at DSS...
though it also seems you aren't aware of how you come across

DD was BF for ages.
She still got cancer.

puds I think you are right.
Cant think of another reason why you would word the OP in that way and put it here.

And ignore those trying to share their experience.
And say that toss about the fire.

I'd be trying to save any child I could, I can't imagen leaving my niece ( don't have sc) in a fire, which of your own 3 children would you leave behind?

You sound awful, you and your dp are well suited by the sounds of it.

I agree that your postings are hostile to your stepson. Poor kid.

Your DD is beautiful by the MrsDeVerve

I've just read the fire comment

Having heard the mother with the child who has CF (sorry, I forgot your name and can't wade back easily) who feels that it's life to mix DCs with whatever comes their way, I think you need to take what she says on board.

I have severe asthma - hospitalised all my life. Had flu vaccines, taken Vit C, inhalers everything to try and ward off colds. It's going to happen if it's going to happen. And moreover, it's needed to strengthen the immune system. You shouldn't be flinging your baby at your DSS, but at the same time sensible precautions should do it. Sorry the OCD complicates things.

But OP - the thing about the fire? It made me shudder. I hope no-one ever sees that evil comment who knows you. It would really break my heart if someone said that about my DCs.

What it's logical to do from a hygiene point of view and what it makes sense to do from a 'not interfering too much with normal life' point of view can sometimes be wildly at odds.

I think if you've got OCD you probably jump to some fairly logical conclusions about what would make sense from the point of view of infection prevention (like keeping snotty toddlers away), but don't give enough weight to the effects of those conclusions on your normal life and other people. The fact is that quite a few measures to prevent infection that seem completely logical and sensible and essential to someone with OCD aren't done by most people because they can see that the cost to everyone having their normal life disrupted is too much. Now a person with OCD is happy and willing to go a lot further than the average person with the aim of stopping contamination, so draws the line between 'reasonable' and 'too much' somewhere else. It doesn't mean they're more selfish and callous, just that intrinsically they find certain risks much harder to live with and are willing to jump through more hoops (or make other people jump through more hoops) to avoid them.

You won't ever be able to stop cold germs being all over your house, if there's someone with a cold in it. Even adults, unless they're obsessive about it themselves, will spread the germs everywhere. But banning family members from being in the house really is not an option (that's the 'effects on normal life' bit that you have to take into account).

That leaves controlling infection within the house (despite everyone living there as normal) as your only possible action. Here again, you've got to always weigh up the burden of work and disruption caused by any particular measure.

For example, you realistically can't control what other people touch (stop them sneezing into their hand then touching remote controls, toys, door handles etc.), even though if you have OCD you'd never do that yourself and are hyper-aware of any kind of possibility of dirt or germs on your own hands. Other people will never be as careful, they'll think they're being careful but they just don't have that hyper-awareness. It's definitely worth trying - teach people to sneeze into tissues or even their shoulders and so on - but you need to accept that it will only work some of the time.

However, you can make sure everyone washes/gels their hands before just certain specific things such as picking up or feeding the baby. At risky times when someone in the house is ill, I'd say that's quite a reasonable policy (keeping the baby mostly out of the family rooms for those periods probably also makes sense). Yes it's a pain but there's a good reason.

You can also do a two-minute disinfectant spray blitz of door handles, light switches, remotes and so on once or twice a day. The aim there would be to get rid of 90% of the germs a couple of times a day, to reduce the risk. You wouldn't be aiming for everything to be sterile - you'll never get that, so don't try.

Basically there are things you can do (and help teach other people to do) without hurting anyone's feelings, so try to focus on those, but accept that you can't get the risk down to zero, hard as that is. Because you really and truly can't. The emotional costs of the sort of steps you'd have to take are just going to be too high.

can ds2 go to your parents when dss is at your house and poorly?

Just to clarify, with the disinfectant blitz of door handles a couple of times a day - I'm talking about those odd times when someone in the house is definitely ill, not normal days.

thank you rollonautumn having OCD is so annoying, my father has it too!

Your right and I will take your advice on board.