for not wanting my other children to go near our youngest??

[staycalmandcarryon]

My DS2 is 7 months old, he has had several infections, Bronchiolitis and now an infection in his right lung... pneumonia, we have spent most of the weekend in hospital, he is now under a specialist etc

My DSS who is nearly 4 has constant coughs and colds, my eldest DS who is 7 is never ever poorly (touch wood) other than terrible croup when he was younger and a random attack last year.

I have said that in future when DSS has a cough and a cold, I need to keep them separate as my youngest doesnt just get a cough or cold it gets serious, resulting in numerous hospital visits, sleepness nights, medication, steroids and antibiotics which is extremely stressful for him, his lungs and me.

I am expecting another baby in October, so my emotions are heightened.

However I feel this is reasonable, I know it is difficult to do that and not the best situation but I dont want my baby being this poorly I am his mother and I have a natural instinct to protect him, I dont enjoy watching him struggling for breath, not eating and generally being really poorly so if I can prevent it then I will do whatever I can.

Op how would you honestly feel if your dh said he thought it was in everyone's best interests if your 7 year old stopped somewhere else to protect his children?

I assume your DH thinks YABU which is why you are posting? Yes YABU.

I would agree with OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere, i too understand exactly how you feel but it is no life for your ds3.

My middle son has Cystic fibrosis and every cold he catches results in chest infection hospitita stays and intrusive treatment. and ultimately lung damage which reduces his life expectancy.

I however have no right to limit his interactions with the world or his siblings.

Suck it up improve hand hygiene in your family and push to get to the bottom of why your baby is so ill. You can't blame a 4 yearold for making him ill.

Erm, I know I'm probably focusing on the least important thing here, and actually just being nosy, but you have a 7 month old and having another in October. You conceived when DS2 was 3 months old? Cripes.
No need to answer, like I said, being nosy.

YABU by the way. You can't keep them apart. Not fair.

OP is only suggesting keeping them apart when one of the others is ill, not all the time, just for a few days when someone is coughing and sneezing.

That doesn't mean she can't be with the other children.

She certainly can't protect the baby from everything and still has to go out (she hasn't suggested otherwise) but avoiding sloppy kisses and sneezes when someone is ill seems like a reasonable precaution for a few days. No need to go looking for trouble. Sounds like your baby is vulnerable to these sort of things and I hope he will grow out of it eventually OP.

Someone suggested speaking to his consultant about this, sounds like a good idea.

raindrop - I hope your ds stays as well as possible

Also OP, at nearly 4 (as you say your DSS is) and at the end of winter, having constant coughs and colds is quite common and I'm sure your DSS will get past this too soon.

oikopolis I came on here for advice not an attack where I am having to defend myself!

I should have know better to come on here, as for some reason these woman take the title Am I being Unreasonable to the head and feel that gives them the right to start attacking people in a way that is not helpful!

hey ho...I may be wrong but at the end of the day I am just tired of my baby being poorly, being in situations where I am worried sick! He was poorly as soon as he was born with suspected GBS turning out to be something he caught from the hospital. Its possible that it will turn out his immune system is impaired in some way.

This is by no means anything to do with DSS not being my child but I am going to want to protect my baby! any mother would, so I came on here for advice, however instead of getting advice you all have just "judged" as all you have seen in my post are the words "DSS" so you automatically assume that I have some sort of problem!

Lets get this into perspective, I love all my children but if there was a fire and I HAD to CHOOSE who do you think it would be???

You can call me what you like but dont comment on that one unless you are a step mum! My relationship with my DSS is good, it is difficult sometimes but I love him, we have a loving relationship but times are sometimes difficult with outside factors.

I came on here for advice and i'm not getting any so I'll leave, you can argue amongst yourselves

Dont be too harsh on the OP.
Unless you have had the worry of an immunocompromised child it is very hard to understand the stress.

I still have very OCD habits 6 years later.

I think, rather as ODAMDV sad, that it is DS2 who needs to go into isolation.

There is no way you can enforce isolation properly under one roof otherwise. You, course, will need to take full hygienic precautions whenever you wish to enter his room, and you may need to ship in a relative (or even a nurse) to take over when you need to go out.

Or you could realise that that totally impractical, and look for a sensible level of precautions (frequent hand washing, 'catch it, bin it' approach o sneezes and coughs). There are various micro-organisms that can cause pneumonia, but unless someone in the family is harbouring one, your DS2 won't get it from them (he's probably more likely to get it in hospital tbh as lots of cases seem to be acquired in them).

It's hard when you are worried, but I really don't think it's a good idea to isolate DS2, and no other scenario is actually likely to offer any protection whatsoever.

I have OCD too!

You think it's bad now, wait until you have your new baby. They will be passing things to and fro, and how will you keep them apart with such a small age gap.

captianvontrapp thank you so much :)

My DD had transient hypogammaglobulanaemia of infancy, so I do know what it's like to have an immunocompromised child.

Calm down OP.
You shouldnt have posted such a specialist and sensitive subject on AIBU and your OP did make it sound like you are targeting DSS.

Some of us do understand and are trying to give you the benefit of our experience.
Dont waste precious years with your baby stressing about things you cant control.

with all due respect OP (and my previous post was genuine advice btw, i was not trying to attack you there), AIBU is NOT the place to come for advice... it's the place to come for a trial by fire.

if you wanted advice, you perhaps should have posted in one of the health or parenting subforums... AIBU is just that, a place to go where you can ask the question, and people will go balls-to-the-wall to convince you of their opinion of your situation/reasoning...

You being tired of him being poorly is fully understandable, but your plan realistically isn't going to achieve much.

DS was first ill at 8 weeks old, the only child he had been in contact with was my 1 year old nephew who was perfectly well at the time. Everyone else in the family was well. He still ended up in HDU with bronchi, no idea where he picked it up from and just had to put it down to 'one of those things'

Hopefully as your son gets older his lungs will get stronger and he will grow out of the problems. Until then as a family you just need to find ways to cope.

OP - have you shared your fire evacuation plan with your dh? Presumably he can also apply the same priorities.

I would also advise not to be afraid to speak up in hospital and ensure the staff ( even the lunch and cleaning staff) use the hand gel. My dd1 was 4 when dd2 was born and although I had been prepared for hereto be bringing all sorts home from Pre school I truly believe the hospital was largely to blame. Even when we hadn't been anywhere or seen anyone aNd it was school holidays my dd2 was basically discharged for one thing and re admitted for something else like a week or two later. Hospital was full of the same thing she was admitted twice for and I'm in no doubt that the hospital was the source. :(

OP, please don't post on sensitive subjects in AIBU; it is bunfight central here

You asked if you were being unreasonable, people said you are, they're not just attacking you.

If you want genuine medical advice, then post in a health topic or even better, speak to a healthcare professional.

I'm really unsure but this feels like an underhanded attack on your DSS. I assume your DSS has recently started school/receptions hence the 'constant colds/coughs'. It won't last forever with your DSS having colds and, unfortunately for you, you simply cannot separate your DS from his siblings.

How will you work this practically when your DS has a cold? Or is it just DSS you want DS2 to avoid? Is it to be temporary thing, or just until DS2 gets stronger?

I grew up with my brother being immune supressed post transplant, my parents insisted that i didn't bring anyone home who was ill (perfectly reasonably) and that I made every effort to avoid passing on coughs and colds etc to my brother. So far so good. However, with a child with an illness in a family it is very easy for the focus to be on them and their needs and for other siblings to feel marginalised and excluded. I suspect that being a step son might emphasise the potential for this even more. Good luck with the new baby and hope that you find out what's causing the problems with ds2.

I have an idea. How about you keep the sick child at home ie DSS and send the healthy child you don't want to get sick away for a couple of days. Simples.

wow your poor DSS