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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU advice needed about HORRIBLE teacher?

305 replies

MrsShitty · 27/04/2012 10:43

on behalf of my sister who is very upset. Her son is a very good year three child...very well behaved and has been excelling at school, on the g&t register and loves school...his reports are always that he is a good and kind boy, often voted as class rep etc.

This term his class have been taught by 2 teachers both of whom teach year 4...they were sort of tasters for nexyt year to get the DC used to their new teachers.

Yesterday my nephew came home and was very upset. He said that Miss T had screamed in his face...my nephew is almost deaf in one ear due to problems from birth and has had both eardrums burst in the past and this woman screamed so loud his ear was hurt...he cried in pain.

She screamed because my nephew had been going for a pencil and had tripped over another childs leg....she accused my nephew of kicking the other boy and would not listen when my nephew AND the other boy tried to explain he had tripped. INstead she yelled repeatedly as loud as she could in his face that she would not be talked back to and then she told him to sit on the carpet and removed his golden time...she threw his book at him.

My hephew says she has also shouted at him for other minor things such as dropping his book once. She also banged the chair of a little girl up and down with the child still sitting in it....whilst shouting "Go to the toilet then!" and the little girl was crying.

My sister says her normally happy boy has been in tears and could not sleep for three nights until all this came out last night. He is afraid of this woman and his poor ear is still hurting.

My sister has made an appointment to see the HT tonight she does not want to speak to the teacher....she feels she has nothing to say to the woman. I must add that her son is very sensible and very truthful he would not lie....the teacher is new and this is her first job.

What measures should my sister ask to take place? What should the outcome be? And who should she write to in the event that she is still not happy after the meeting? The LEA or board of governers? Thank you. I am very upset about my nephew who has had multiple operations on his ears and only has 30% hearing in the one this woman hurt.

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 29/04/2012 12:08

So we should assume our children are lying if they come home crying and upset?

I expect if you asked most professionals working with dc that if your normally well behaved child told you an adult had screamed in their face and thrown a book at them, they would start from the position of believing them. That doesn't mean their version of events isn't questioned but a serious allegation should be given to a head to investigate. NOT the adult being accused.

I think it is extremely dangerous to give our children the message they will not be believed.

hathorkicksass · 29/04/2012 12:14

A teacher shouted.

A teacher pushed his book at him and it landed on his legs.

This child is, by the OPs own admission, doted on by his mother because he is "weaker" than his peers.

I'm not saying that the child is lying, but the teacher may well have another version of events.

And the OP has reacted in a totally over the top and irrationally angry way.

differentnameforthis · 29/04/2012 12:15

She posted in AIBU

Have I missed something? Didn't realise that AIBU = green light to be rude/insulting etc

QuickLookBusy · 29/04/2012 12:18

Fgs there is a world of difference between a teacher shouting and a teacher shouting in an eight year old's face until he crys!!

If you can't tell the difference then I hope to god you don't work with children in any capacity.

hathorkicksass · 29/04/2012 12:18

Have I been rude? Insulting?

The most insulting person has been the OP who has called posters and the teacher names.

hathorkicksass · 29/04/2012 12:19

And of course this child got a burst eardrum because the wind blew in it.

Hmm
QuickLookBusy · 29/04/2012 12:19

Sorry that was to hathorkickass

differentnameforthis · 29/04/2012 12:21

hathorkicksass You last 2 posts...

Have I been rude? Insulting?

And of course this child got a burst eardrum because the wind blew in it. hmm

Pretty rude & insulting in my book to pull Hmm faces at something that, whilst YOU don't believe is true, doesn't mean it isn't. Don't you think?

hathorkicksass · 29/04/2012 12:23

And he kept interrupting - more than once - and interjecting when she was trying to teach.

It's not beyond the bounds of possibility that no matter how gifted and talented and pleasant at home, in the classroom he's a know-it-all pita who never shuts up, never lets the teacher get the last word, interrupts and thinks he's so much cleverer than anyone else.

hathorkicksass · 29/04/2012 12:25

I have a son who has had 18 different ear operations.

A graft to make him a new eardrum.

He has 30-50% hearing in that ear.

His eardrum has burst more times than I can count.

It has never ever ever burst due to the wind blowing.

I find that hard to believe.

But I have to take DD to see the same ENT surgeon on Wednesday of next week, so I'll ask him when I see him if in his opinion ear drums can burst because the wind blows and I will come back and put on the thread what he tells me.

TheFallenMadonna · 29/04/2012 12:26

In this situation, you go to the Head and say that your child has said these things have happened. I am a teacher. My default setting generally is to support a teacher. In this situation, as described by the OP, I would go to the Head. I'm not sure why going to the teacher has been suggested.

It sounds like a very unusual situation all round.

Children do have skewed perceptions. But they have to be checked out.

differentnameforthis · 29/04/2012 12:27

It's not beyond the bounds of possibility that no matter how gifted and talented and pleasant at home, in the classroom he's a know-it-all pita who never shuts up, never lets the teacher get the last word, interrupts and thinks he's so much cleverer than anyone else

As it is not beyond the bounds of possibility that the teacher actually DID do what the lad said.

So the child must be believed without question? Should the teacher? Why? Just because they are the adult?

QuickLookBusy · 29/04/2012 12:27

God hathetorkickass your last post sounds ridiculous.

hathorkicksass · 29/04/2012 12:28

I'm not saying either party should be believed without question.

But the OP sounds hysterical.

QuickLookBusy · 29/04/2012 12:29

I meant the post at 12.23.17

differentnameforthis · 29/04/2012 12:30

So, once again because it has never happened to your dc, it has never happened? Hmm

My daughter has never had a bad experience with a teacher, but I am not so naive as to believe that no one else has.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/04/2012 12:30

QuickLookBusy
"Fgs there is a world of difference between a teacher shouting and a teacher shouting in an eight year old's face until he crys!!"

amd there is a difference betweem proof and heresay.

hathorkicksass · 29/04/2012 12:32

Look, it may have happened like the child told it.

It may.

It may not.

The teacher will probably have a totally different version of events.

The OP has heard a story 2nd or 3rd hand.

She wasn't in the meeting with the head. It's not her child. She doesn't know for sure who said what. And how things were said.

But the OP has reacted totally hysterically and refused to countenance any suggestion that her DN is anything less than totally and utterly in the right.

QuickLookBusy · 29/04/2012 12:32

Yes so that is why you ask the ht to get to the bottom of it!!

differentnameforthis · 29/04/2012 12:33

I can't see where the OP is hysterical, perhaps she is getting a little short with people, because she has, in essence been called a liar (just as you did, just now) as has her nephew.

I think if practically every poster doubted what I was saying & accused my child/niece/nephew of being a liar, I might just get a little worked up too.

hathorkicksass · 29/04/2012 12:34

My DS had a teacher assault him.

Put his hands around his neck, in the playground, in front of other teachers and all the children and put him up against a wall and threaten to "string him up" if he didn't "move" the minute the bell rang in future.

Because he didn't hear the bell.

(DS is deaf)

Don't make assumptions that I never had anything happen to any of my DCs.

ifeelloved · 29/04/2012 12:34

He could have been the biggest pita child in the entire school, however you do not yell in his face. Whether there was an exaggeration or not, something happened.

How many times have posters been all judges pants on here when we hear a story of a parent doing this to a child? Just because they're a teacher doesn't mean that they have a reason because they may have had a bad day.

Now I don't know what happened in this particular incident but I do think the op got a rough ride. She didn't identify the school or area, I think most people aren't going to try and find out who or where because they have better more interesting things to do with their time.

The head will hopefully do their job and the teacher will get more support if that is required or the parent will find out what has gone on and the child will get the support.

Not all children are liars, not all teachers are saints

hathorkicksass · 29/04/2012 12:35

The OP was hysterical from the very first post.

differentnameforthis · 29/04/2012 12:37

hathorkicksass

Were you there? Did you see this "attack". Perhaps it didn't happen like that? Perhaps it could be said that it's not beyond the bounds of possibility that no matter how pleasant at home, in the classroom he's a know-it-all pita who never shuts up, never lets the teacher get the last word, interrupts and thinks he's so much cleverer than anyone else?

Not that I would say that to you, but do you see now?

FashionEaster · 29/04/2012 12:37

I don't dispute there are teachers who shouldn't be teaching (we've all encountered them, if you've been in the profession for a while) or NQTs who have a baptism of fire in their first year, and the pupils in their classes get a poor deal. Maybe that has happened here. But equally, just as Hilly says, "but I do think that some people perceive bullying to be any situation where the rest of the world won't fall into line with what they want or pander to their ego."

Fwiw, I do think they OP's sister was right to go to the head in this instance, given the level of allegation being levelled at the teacher, however I am not convinced of the OP's sister's reading of the meeting, unless the HT herself is very unprofessional but I don't suppose we'll ever know the truth of this situation.