AIBU advice needed about HORRIBLE teacher?

[MrsShitty]

on behalf of my sister who is very upset. Her son is a very good year three child...very well behaved and has been excelling at school, on the g&t register and loves school...his reports are always that he is a good and kind boy, often voted as class rep etc.

This term his class have been taught by 2 teachers both of whom teach year 4...they were sort of tasters for nexyt year to get the DC used to their new teachers.

Yesterday my nephew came home and was very upset. He said that Miss T had screamed in his face...my nephew is almost deaf in one ear due to problems from birth and has had both eardrums burst in the past and this woman screamed so loud his ear was hurt...he cried in pain.

She screamed because my nephew had been going for a pencil and had tripped over another childs leg....she accused my nephew of kicking the other boy and would not listen when my nephew AND the other boy tried to explain he had tripped. INstead she yelled repeatedly as loud as she could in his face that she would not be talked back to and then she told him to sit on the carpet and removed his golden time...she threw his book at him.

My hephew says she has also shouted at him for other minor things such as dropping his book once. She also banged the chair of a little girl up and down with the child still sitting in it....whilst shouting "Go to the toilet then!" and the little girl was crying.

My sister says her normally happy boy has been in tears and could not sleep for three nights until all this came out last night. He is afraid of this woman and his poor ear is still hurting.

My sister has made an appointment to see the HT tonight she does not want to speak to the teacher....she feels she has nothing to say to the woman. I must add that her son is very sensible and very truthful he would not lie....the teacher is new and this is her first job.

What measures should my sister ask to take place? What should the outcome be? And who should she write to in the event that she is still not happy after the meeting? The LEA or board of governers? Thank you. I am very upset about my nephew who has had multiple operations on his ears and only has 30% hearing in the one this woman hurt.

I don't think anyone has said to make automatic assumptions, but at the end of the day the teacher must be given the space to put their side of the story.

And children can get the wrong end of the stick, as can teachers, and as can anyone.

There are three sides to every story - your side, my side and the truth, which is somewhere in the middle.

I agree that everyone involved should have the opportunity to give their account of events. That makes perfect sense. But throughout this thread there have been assumptions that an 8 year old cannot give an accurate account and must be mistaken.

Both parties involved are equally capable of mistaking, exaggerating, embellishing and fabricating. This isn't something we can solely attribute to an 8 year old boy as I've met an awful lot of teachers who are more than capable of it.

I should add that I'm not talking specifically about events in this thread, but a general tone that's been prevalent throughout it. Both sides of the story need to be heard, neither party is right until proven.

No one said the account wasn't to be questioned. However with incidents as serious as this, I would not go to the adult who may be responsible and ask if my child was telling the truth. I would take it straight to the head.

If this teacher is behaving like the child says she is unlikely to admit it as she would be in trouble!

I have worked in primary schools for 23 years. Most teachers are honest hard working, wonderful professionals. A small number are not and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a classroom.

I'll tell you this much.

If I was a Miss T with a boy with hearing problems in my class whose mother had been to see the head about me, I wouldn't be too happy about this thread.

Exactly! And your other comment demonstrates that although it's unlikely for a teacher to behave in the manner the OP has suggested happened, it can't be taken for granted that they won't.

The OP has been very emotional in her response.

She has made accusations against the teacher and put enough information in her OP that if I was a teacher in the school who read MN I bet I could figure out who it was.

It wouldn't be that hard.

Nor would I hathorkickass, and the OP should have taken more care when posting, but then if 'Miss T' has done what's been alleged (and I'm not suggesting that she has as it hasn't been established yet), she has perhaps lost the right to feel miffed about it appearing on an internet forum.

But if Miss T hasn't done what has been alleged she has seen her reputation hung drawn and quartered without any right of reply.

Well if Miss T has read this thread the vast majority of posters have been on her side so I wouldn't imagine she would be that worried.

Like I said, OP hasn't handled it very well and should have taken more care. I understand her need to defend her DN in this situation but her emotional involvement has clouded her judgement on how to ask for help and advice in a more appropriate manner. She shouldn't have said what she did about Miss T, that is true.

I also think that some were unfair on the op.

Of course the teachers version of events need to be known, but I really don't think that the teacher would have said yes I did that. It would have been the child's words against the teacher, the mum still wouldn't have been happy so she have still gone to the head, no?

Anyway, yes some children do exaggerate, however not all children and I think the parent was right to take an accusation like this to the head. Maybe the child is lying or exagegerating, maybe the teacher needs more support, maybe they're a crap teacher. None of us know, but someone asked for some advice and was basically told that the mum was going ott. Not helpful.

I am not commenting on whether the child's account was correct or not (as others have said there are some absolutely fantastic teachers but also some that should never set foot in a classroom again).

I can understand the OP wanting to speak to HT ,when my son was being unfairly treated by teacher - which I did not act on at first when he complained to me as I knew he was a difficult child at the time and thought he was probably misbehaving - I didn't act until a neighbours child remarked innocently how she felt sorry for my son as he was picked on for stuff he hadn't done . I approached the deputy head about this - for one I was so angry I didn't trust myself to remain calm if I spoke to teacher, and the deputy head had been my son's teacher previously - so knew him (and his faults) and me well and in all honesty was the best person to deal with it.

What surprises me is that the teacher was on her own - at my daughter's school , there are always at least one TA in room, and another one (works with one child) so would have witnessed events - this was certainly the case when my son was having problems - the TA confirmed his version of events.

The teacher (supply) never taught my son again. (She didn't remain in school much longer as other complaints were made )

The OP was anything but calm and measured in her tone and has made accusations of assault against the teacher.

And given enough info that the teacher could be identified, or even worse, that the wrong teacher in another school could be identified.

I don't think anyone would dispute that the OP has been very emotional in this thread and handled her enquiry badly. I just think she deserved a little more support for the actual problem than she got, rather than focusing on the likelihood that the child was mistaken, which is what she got from a lot of posters. It was a highly emotive issue and it would have been better if people could have recognised that.

You shouldn't ask AIBU if you're not prepared to be told you are.

For the record, she also called her an "utter bitch."

At our (large) primary, most of us only have TAs in the morning. If something kicks off in the afternoons then we're on our own. Would need to send a child for additional help, and hope that there's someone around who is free to come.

Miss T could refer to her being a teacher. It isn't necessarily her initial. Who knows?

Frankly I think posters are now trying to pick further on the op. yes she did react rather emotionally but she was being told her sister should go to see the teacher, that her nephew was probably exaggerating.

That advice was incorrect and now that some posters are sticking up for the op another issue is being argued about.

If the teacher has actually assaulted the dn, then it's very unwise to have the details of what could become a criminal investigation on the web - other posters are right, it's very identifiable.

Do you know what's really strange?

Another poster has put a situation with their child, where the child has come home all upset and the OP here has said that that person should go and speak to the teacher first.

Double standards.

And I know it's bad form to link from one post to another but I think it's relevant.

On my first day at school I was naughty, I was taken to the deputy head who threatened that she would put what looked like a bull dog clip but with spikes on the inside ( she showed it me in front of her class ) onto my wrist and I would bleed to death. No one believed me because she was the deputy head. It would have been 1981.

I had nightmares for months aftewards and I can still remember it very clearly. It was only when I started waking up screaming every night that my parents believed me. I still cant believe that they didnt move me.

So yes I can believe that teachers behave like this to children, and that kids dont get listened to when it sounds unbelievably cruel.

Yes you are right hathetorkickass it is very bad form to link one post to another.

I don't know any teachers in my school that haven't had some form of allegation leveled against them by a pupil, only one has ever been substantiated.

I have found in my experience those that say that their children don't lie or embellish the truth are those with the children that cause the biggest problems in school.

Well I still think it's relevant.

And it's double standards.

"Miss T" is Miss Trunchbull (Matilda) guys! No ones been identified.

Look, you wouldn't need to be Brain of Britain if you knew a school where kids were being taught by the teachers from the year above ( not that common) year 4 teachers, one child was prem and has hearing problems and is on the G&T register and his mother was in seeing the head on Friday to figure it out, would you?