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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not feed my children?

126 replies

oohlordylordy · 25/04/2012 17:28

My children are 3(coming up 4) and 2 (coming up 3).

They both require me to feed them in order for eat anything approaching 'decent' food.

I have made a lovely stew tonight. Neither will eat it. Both are looking for crisps.

Am I really being unreasonable to give them 20 minutes to eat it and then make them wait until breakfast till they get another thing?

(They would eat it if I spooned it into their mouths but I'm getting a bit tired of this now)

SO... AIBU?

OP posts:
PowderPuffAndCurlyWhiskers · 25/04/2012 17:31

DD is the 2.10 and is exactly the same. She will attempt 2-3 mouthfuls herself and then say 'You feed me like a baba' Hmm

I always say 'Eat it yourself or eat nothing', and I always crumble. I hate the thought of her not eating, but have to accept she will eat it herself if hungry enough.

Watching with interest!

FunnysInLaJardin · 25/04/2012 17:31

the correct answer is YANBU, they should eat what is put in front of them. The actual RL answer is you will let them have crisps eventually and vow never to cook anything nice for them again. At least thats what would happen in our house.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 25/04/2012 17:32

You are exactly right, OP. Do NOT feed them, and give them nothing else.
YANBU.

WorraLiberty · 25/04/2012 17:35

Well they wouldn't get crisps from me...but they'd get a slice of toast before bed.

I couldn't leave a child hungry all night no matter what.

As for not wanting to feed them, YANBU if they're 3 and 4.

chocolateandcoffee · 25/04/2012 17:37

at least they eat it when you feed then. my ds lives on waffles and fishfingers/sausages for dinner for the last year. No idea how it happened. I often vow to do the same but cant.

watching with interest

YANBU but cant wait to see if you carry out your threat

GrimmaTheNome · 25/04/2012 17:37

Give them 20 mins; don't spoonfeed them. Don't give crisps. If they're really hungry later on, something plain (an apple or bread and cheese, maybe. The apple can be cutted up Grin)

Oh, I wish I'd had MN when my DD was little, to tell me things like this!

GoblersKnob · 25/04/2012 17:39

I don't know dd used to like being fed for a really long time, sometimes she would feed herself for which we would quietly praise her, sometimes she would ask to be fed, which we did without comment or fuss. She grew out of it totally by 4 and a bit.

mathanxiety · 25/04/2012 17:39

YANBU. Do not feed them. Make sure there is healthy breakfast next day.

Do not buy crisps. If you have them in the house you will buckle.

Is there anyone else who could take over mealtime duty to break this habit of theirs?

tinkertitonk · 25/04/2012 17:40

I like the "I don't care what you eat but you must eat something" rule, according to which crisps are fine. They'll eat vegetables or whatever tomorrow. My mother used to make a fuss over my eating what was put in front of me and it did no good at all, either to me or to our relationship.

Original poster
oohlordylordy · 25/04/2012 17:41

DD (the nearly 3YO) is eating.... slowly and definitely annoyed... but eating

DS (Nearly 4YO is not eating and generally faffing about.

There will be no crisps or snacks or in fact anything. If fact, I'm ramping it up here and have just told DS that there will be no toy until he's eaten his food Blush

I am just so sick of feeding them. They are not babies.

OP posts:
defineme · 25/04/2012 17:44

My policy was to give them very small serving along with lots of bread and fruit with yog afterwards.
As long as they'd had a few spoons I'd say nothing.
Never used pudding as a stick/carrot and never refused them healthy food unless it's just before a meal-what kind of message/relationship does that give them with food. Why does it have to be so extreme?
Asking for spoon feeding or crisps would be met with a very cheerful 'No we don't do that'.
supper of cereal(not sugary) or toast also regular in this house-small regular meals works for my kids.

Take the emotion out of it, keep smiling.

I had 1 very fussy and 2 fine -treated them all the same, all now varied eaters.

valiumredhead · 25/04/2012 17:45

They wouldn't get crisps in this house.

englishmummyinwales · 25/04/2012 17:45

I could have written your post, my children are the same ages and mealtimes make me want to weep as I can't bear the whining drone from them throughout. They have frequently gone to bed without eating anything at dinnertime so I would say YANBU. I do resort to bribery, however. Tonight there was left over lemon tart in the fridge, so I promised that with a bit of ice cream if they ate their dinner (pork with tomato sauce, carrots, potato) - it worked! I don't actually want them having something so laden with sugar every day though, so sometimes i just let them get down and they go hungry. I never let them have an alternative. It's tough. Unsurprisingly, we do not have this issue on pizza night..... Good luck!

thepeoplesprincess · 25/04/2012 17:46

YANBU. No nagging OR pandering is the key to raising good eaters.

WorraLiberty · 25/04/2012 17:46

Would it help if you sat at the table with them and ate at the same time OP?

If they see you eating and you're all chatting happily, they might not even notice how much they're actually eating themselves.

Also, if one is feeding themselves you can praise them to the hilt so the other might follow suit.

Spoonie79 · 25/04/2012 17:47

My partner used to feed his daughter...has only just stopped and she is 5 and a half. It's not because she couldn't she was just lazy and knew daddy would feed her if she left it long enough! I have a son 6 months younger and refused to feed him when he saw her being fed. Told him he was not a baby and didn't need feeding..........evil mummy here :D

mathanxiety · 25/04/2012 17:49

Maybe take a look at whether the feeding thing is part of a bigger picture where you do things for them that they could be doing for themselves, or helping you to do, or maybe you need to encourage signs of independence in them.

Do they help set the table or clear things away?
Do they dress themselves?
Are they responsible for putting away toys or clothes or shoes or hanging up jackets?

WorraLiberty · 25/04/2012 17:49

I'm laughing at the irony of your name Spoonie Grin

Greedymonster · 25/04/2012 17:50

defineme - if they didn't have a 'few spoons' what did you do?

rainbowsprite1 · 25/04/2012 17:50

my 2 are now 4 & 5 but i used to have this issue about feeding, it turned out they didnt like the cutlery they had, it was hard to hold (not sure why, standard child cutlery!). We went shopping and they each chose a knife fork & spoon set & couldnt wait to use them!!! having said that we just had spaghetti & meatballs for supper & they both gave up twirling the spaghetti after a minute & used their hands!!!! i now have a kitchen table & 2 DC's covered in tomato sauce :)

Spoonie79 · 25/04/2012 17:51

:o

ilovedjasondonovan · 25/04/2012 17:52

My kids (nearly 6 and nearly 4) decided not to eat the stew I made tonight either.

DD1 ate 3 baby new potatoes and DD2 ate 10 rounds of carrot.

I'm getting so fed up with DD1s fussiness that yet again she will have nothing but her bedtime milk before bed. Done this many times before and she never wakes up hungry. Scoffs brekkie down nice and fast in the morning though (must remember to make her an extra big breakfast).

How can I get my kids to eat anything in a sauce?????

Flowerface · 25/04/2012 17:52

This is exactly the problem we have with DD, though she's only 2.5. She will only eat if the food is shovelled in by me. It's not fussiness, it's some kind of regression thing. When told to eat herself she does this great perfomance of being unable to hold the spoon, complaining that things are too hot when they aren't, that they'll make a mess, that they haven't been cut up enough... etc etc etc. I have been trying to stick a tabard on her and then let her get on with it, but it is v v frustrating to see food being ignored that would be eaten if I spooned it for her...

ChitChatFlyingby · 25/04/2012 17:52

My rule is they have to at least TRY their meal - if not then clearly they are too tired and need to go straight to bed. I've followed through on that twice, and both times DS1 has fallen asleep so clearly he was exhausted and that is where the grumps came from.

But now he knows that I WILL follow through on it, so he will at least try his food. He gets no pudding unless he has what I deem is sufficient, and that includes a portion of his vegetables. When he has refused to try a new vegetable for a few times in a row (and subsequently not received a pudding) I then give him just 3 slices etc of that vegetable on his plate and tell him he has to have at least 1 bit of it before he gets the rest of his meal, making sure the rest of his meal is a favourite that he would really want.

I give leeway if I know they are feeling under the weather, or if they have had a particularly difficult or tiring day.

ifeelloved · 25/04/2012 17:55

You have to stick with it though!

No doubt there'll be hungry later, are you prepared to really make them wait til breakfast? If yes, fine, if not make sure you have something ready to give them (reheated stew or fruit). The only way to stop this is to not give in to the crisps and biscuits etc