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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed DH wants to go on a Stag do to Thailand

481 replies

FedupwithDisney · 24/04/2012 20:45

My DH has just announced that one of his best mates (was DH's Best Man) is having his Stag do in Thailand for a week later this year and he will be going.

I am pretty annoyed. Every time I ask him to book time off work to do something as a family I get "it's not a good time at work" "I'm too busy" etc. We do have some family holiday time booked, but it's been a battle to get him to do it. He hasn't even taken all his Paternity leave that he is entitled to as work is "so busy" (DD2 is 12 weeks old). He does have a good job and I understand the pressures but how come he can suddenly take off a week for this?

If he goes I will be at home with a 3yo and a 8 mo. Guess I'll cope, I don't see him much in the week as it is, but I'm annoyed that he'll be away having a ball and I'll be dealing with the kids on my own for a week.

I'm also annoyed about the money. Surely it will cost loads. We're comfortable, but certainly not rolling in it. He gets a bonus in August which he's probably planning on using but I can think of much better things we could spend this money on like trips for the DC's and stuff for the house.

AIBU to be annoyed? He knows I'm pissed off and is sucking up to me big time, making the dinner and tidying up!

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 25/04/2012 11:25

Posted above how much I love Thailand - but there is a seriously seedy side to the country as well, and it's a bit naieve to pretend it doesn't exist. The first time we went there we met a married man in the hotel on a two night layover on the way back to Oz for his mother's funeral who had hired an escort for the two days he was there.

I would have the same response to anyone who was planning a stag night in an area with a well-established sex trade - even if you do not go near a prostitute, your tourist money is condoning and supporting an industry which forces women, men and children into prostitution. Do something better with your money.

ZZZenAgain · 25/04/2012 11:27

YANBU. Tell him exactly how you feel and if he persists in going against your wishes and disregarding your concerns, I personally would not have him back but you will have to see how you feel about it.

bleedingheart · 25/04/2012 11:30

By 'a trip like this' I meant an expensive stag-do abroad, for a week, to a place known for sex tourism. If they are planning to go on a cultural break. Great. Members of my family have been to Thailand without hiring prostitutes so I am not assuming everyone who goes is after sex and that is all it offers.

GinPalace · 25/04/2012 11:30

I'm another one who can't understand why Thailand as beer, sun, culture, beaches, etc etc all come much closer and cheaper to home.

The only USP which makes it make sense is the sleazy stuff.

Unless all the stags are so loaded and responsibility free that the trip is the equivalent to popping to Spain relatively speaking. But even then I would be sceptical.

FWIW my DH is quite capable of saying no when all kinds of temptations are laid out in front of him, cos that's the kind of guy he is but it also means he is the kind of guy who would not enjoy having to fend off that sort of attention all the time or be around guys who were not fending it off. So even if he went and was a saint - he just wouldn't have the same fun as if he went somewhere where that wasn't in your face - so he just wouldn't want to go

musicismylife · 25/04/2012 11:39

Let him go and then let him go.

Hebiegebies · 25/04/2012 11:41

Agree with comments that the Groom is very selfish having planned this Stag do. How does he think the wives, girlfriends and his fiancée will take it?

Bring back the days of weddings being about love and commitment not money and 'last flings'

(disclaimer, I know many weddings still are about love and commitment, I've just made a very sweeping generalisation)

HereIGo · 25/04/2012 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 25/04/2012 11:45

happiness, what's GPWM?

squeaver · 25/04/2012 11:45

I would LOVE to know what the bride-to-be thinks.

I would have no problem with my DH going away for a week with mates, as I know I would do the same if the opportunity arose and that he wouldn't have a problem with it.

BUT, not Thailand on a stag week! Eeeeuuuw. And I know my dh's response would be the same.

I have been to Thailand - with my DH - it IS a beautiful, amazing, culturally stimulating place and the people are welcoming and friendly. But that is not how it is marketed as a stag destination. Exactly the same can be said for Prague and Amsterdam.

Of course, the Op may also have other issues with her H not wanting to go on holiday or spend time with his family. But I think the gut response to Thailand as a destination from most people here is correct. It's not racist to say it, it's just a fact.

happinessisawarmgun · 25/04/2012 11:47

Lady Good Point Well Made

musicismylife · 25/04/2012 11:53

You wouldn't visit Cornwall and not eat a pasty...

Hmm
droves · 25/04/2012 11:54

No way I'd let my dh go to Thailand on a stag do .

If he wants to go there ,then it should be as a family holiday ...not a drunken shagfest with prozzies or ladyboys lads holiday.

Wtf is the bride thinking about this ?

Btw I have lovely lovely Thai friend , and a phillapino friend and they wouldn't let their dh go either .

yorkieg · 25/04/2012 11:57

I would be very unhappy about DH telling me he was going to Thailand for a holiday without me. Nothing to do with Thailand and it's sex industry, but the assumption it was okay to leave me for a week to go all that way.

I think some of you are bang out of order to assume that OP's DH will have sex with prostitutes when he is there. Would you be making the same assumptions if it was stag to Amsterdam or Eastern Europe?

ripsishere · 25/04/2012 12:00

YANBU. My DH has for four years gone to Thailand for a fortnight's diving holiday. Me and DD stayed at home.
We lived in Thailand for four years, so as well as diving he visited friends.
I don't think I'd be happy for him to go on a stag for a week. By the time you got there it would be time to come back.

WilsonFrickett · 25/04/2012 12:04

YY Yorkie I would. I do not see the need for stag trips to areas where there is a strong, visible sex industry that is directly marketed towards groups of men.

droves · 25/04/2012 12:04

Yorkieg ...probably have the same attitude .... Actually in some ways Amsterdam would be worse , because of the "cafes" , and the red light windows.

Don't think it's so much an assumption that the ops dh will be shagging whilst away , more that they will be around other blokes who will be , regardless of their relationship status ...

StealthPolarBear · 25/04/2012 12:07

Charle if you have to steal someone's passport to stop them shagging other women and children then what's the point?

urbanproserpine · 25/04/2012 12:09

YANBU!

No way in a million years I would let DP go to Thailand on a stag do! For a week! who else will this man have with him? Who has the time, money and wife that would let him go? Don't let him sell you the 'all the other WAGs are perfectly happy for their DHs/DPs to go to THAILAND. For a WEEK' line either. It aint so.

WilsonFrickett · 25/04/2012 12:09

To put it another way:

For 20 years I was a vegetarian, but after someone treated the office I fell in love with McDonald's McFlurrys. It's a hot day, I fancy a McFlurry. But I'm a vegetarian - I think McDonalds is hideous. Do I go and buy a McFlurry? No - because I don't want to support McDonalds.

It's exactly the same principle - whether or not the OP pays a prostitute for sex, by the act of taking part in the trip he's supporting the sex industry. Don't care where it is, it's wrong.

elinorbellowed · 25/04/2012 12:12

I would not be happy with this. At all. None of it. I'd be pissed off at a week abroad when he couldn't find family time and especially being left with a small baby. I would also be horrified that the man I married wanted to hang out in a place full of exploited women and children.
Fortunately (or due to my good judgement Grin I am shacked up with a man who would rather dig out his eyes with a rusty spoon than go on a holiday like this.

happinessisawarmgun · 25/04/2012 12:14

NO. Thailand is not all sex industry. It's concentrated in a small number of areas. My DP's brother owns a beach house on Koh Mak - an island with beaches and not much else.

There is not enough information from the OP on whether or not this is "that kind of trip", it may be a group of blokes going fishing for all we know.

dreamingbohemian · 25/04/2012 12:22

Sure, sure, a fishing trip.

And stags go to Amsterdam for the waffles. And Las Vegas for the air conditioning.

What a coincidence you can get laid so easily there!

squashedbanana · 25/04/2012 12:23

YANBU!!!

ripsishere · 25/04/2012 12:25

Or golf, Thailand is famous for golf too.
DH used to play at least twice a week.
I would disagree with your assertion though warmgun. We have been to the remotest places in Thailand and seen the brothels.
Interestingly enough, prostitution and pornography are illeagal in Thailand. Yet, the biggest users of sex workers are Thai men.
A study I read suggested women would rather their DHs use bar girls than take on a mia noi because of the financial drain she would put on the family.

SusanneLinder · 25/04/2012 12:26

I am pretty relaxed about weekends away/nights out that DH goes.He is same with me (as long as we have the money obviously). In fact off on a girlie weekend myself next month :)

But I would freak if he wanted to go to Thailand for all the reasons that other people have posted. I could JUST about cope with Amsterdam, but definitely NOT Thailand.