To be annoyed DH wants to go on a Stag do to Thailand

[FedupwithDisney]

My DH has just announced that one of his best mates (was DH's Best Man) is having his Stag do in Thailand for a week later this year and he will be going.

I am pretty annoyed. Every time I ask him to book time off work to do something as a family I get "it's not a good time at work" "I'm too busy" etc. We do have some family holiday time booked, but it's been a battle to get him to do it. He hasn't even taken all his Paternity leave that he is entitled to as work is "so busy" (DD2 is 12 weeks old). He does have a good job and I understand the pressures but how come he can suddenly take off a week for this?

If he goes I will be at home with a 3yo and a 8 mo. Guess I'll cope, I don't see him much in the week as it is, but I'm annoyed that he'll be away having a ball and I'll be dealing with the kids on my own for a week.

I'm also annoyed about the money. Surely it will cost loads. We're comfortable, but certainly not rolling in it. He gets a bonus in August which he's probably planning on using but I can think of much better things we could spend this money on like trips for the DC's and stuff for the house.

AIBU to be annoyed? He knows I'm pissed off and is sucking up to me big time, making the dinner and tidying up!

Just told my husband, who's been to Bangkok on business loads of times, and also loads of times to Phuket with me.

His reaction was that of course he'll end up having sex. He'll be pissed, all his mates will be doing it, and the best you can hope for is it'll be a lady boy.

A big no from me.

Good luck.

Put ur foot down. It's a NO. Jeez, Thailand would cost loads 2 go away on a flight, hotel, food, booze. The worst that can happen is him hooking up with a lady boy, and watching ladies popping ping pong balls out of their fanjo's!
Seriously, boot him up the arse, he doesn't ask again, it's a massive ask, and tell him 2 take that time off work 2 be with his family, not his mates. Don't go away yourself without the dc, as that'll get thrown back in ur face. His job isn't busy, therefor he can take the time out 4 a family holiday.
Let us know how you get on.
Hope he hasn't booked it yet, as I'd be seriously

And 2 add....I'm surprsed that the bride let her future dh go 2 Thailand on his stag. She's obviously a walk over!

I'm afraid lads' holidays to Thailand are a dealbreaker for me, too. Seriously. I made this decision after a solo trip to Thailand. I wasn't even in one of the highly developed destinations but, everywhere I went for a meal or a drink, there were groups of perfectly nice, normal English blokes with their "holiday girlfriends". All the ones I spoke to - quite a lot, I wanted company - told me they were attached at home. If I went to a bar at night, I was endlessly accosted by bar girls! Apparently they weren't allowed to leave any customer unmolested, even a middle-aged female one

I'd certainly go there with a partner; beautiful place and I'd love to visit more of it - but Kritiq is correct in all she said.

Sorry this has been dumped on you, OP. Hope he gets your point without too much of a row.

That's sounds very extravagant - presumably the groom will be going somewhere on honeymoon not long after the stag do as well?

I guess they are planning to go to Patong on Phuket? I've been there (I live in SE Asia) - OP you should warn your DH how aggressive the prostitutes are. I trust my DH and I know he can handle situations like that (one thing which is common to do is to agree to buy drinks all night for one prostitute so that all the others leave you alone) but still I would worry about him going on a stag do there!

You should also tell him to be really careful (if he ends up going - you can't stop him in the end I guess) with buying alcohol in the airport. It's common for tourists to be arrested for supposedly stealing booze. You should go into the shops with only money in your hand as if you have a bag they will use CCTV footage to claim that you put the alcohol in there.

Also you can't buy alcohol between 2pm and 5pm, although I'm not sure this law is always adhered to.

I would not be happy with my DH doing this but I would accept it, knowing he is not naive. However many are very naive!

I've been on quite a few stag doo's over the years. I was the first of my mates married and the stag do inflation is amazing.

I don't know if this is unusual but amongst the stag do's I've been on more often than not the destination has NOT been chosen by the groom but by the organiser usually the best man - the last two I went on to Dublin and Las Vegas the groom had no Idea where we were going and his cost had been split between the rest of us.

If he's reluctant take time with family I agree that would be out of order. I'm a sahd so haven't had these issues.

Money wise on a £'s per day cost stag do's have always worked out the MOST expensive trips I've ever been on.

I've never been to Thailand but it's common knowledge what goes on there. But despite having been to Amsterdam, Prague and LV the most outrageous stag do I have been on involving strippers / hookers etc was about 25 years ago on a stag do at a rugby club near Lincoln.

If you agree about him spending the time and money the Thailand thing is down to trust between you two.

one thing which is common to do is to agree to buy drinks all night for one prostitute so that all the others leave you alone - Haha, purple, that's what I ended up doing!

Jesus.

I don't really understand, to be honest...

OP - your DH sounds like a complete 'type'. 'Announces' it to you. Assumes it's happening, with no discussion entered into. Finds it virtually impossible to take time off for a family holiday, but can't get this booked fast enough.

In other words, he sounds like a bit of an entitled arsehole.

Has he always been like this? Or did he just morph into this sort of character after he got the ring on your finger?

Find it hard to believe the latter. Surely you know what he's like? I just cannot imagine this scenario playing out with a decent sort of man in the role of your DH.

And yes, everything everyone says about Thailand makes this all so much seedier.

That's horrible. Why go to Thailand, you can get a prostitute in the west end for double the price...................

Sorry, I think it's a place where there will be loads of drink and your DH is likely to be offered a massage and a fcuk.

I genuinely do not understand why folks can't just go down the local pub and get p*ssed.

I forgot to add, NO you are not being unreasonable, the groom is. You must all have a few bob to ensure this trip?

I remember hubs being asked on one and we simply couldn't afford it and it was really awkward for hubs to say no, thankfully he did.

I went on the Hen do and it cost me £100. I then went to the marraige and it cost us £300 plus the present.

People really need to realise that not everyone has that sort of money hanging around.

If my husband told me he wanted a week off by himself to attend a stag party in Thailand, I'd tell him to go but that he would not be welcome back.

Everything that kritiq said, even if your DH doesn't engage with any of this activity his very presence on the stag do conveys that he condones that sort of industry, behavior and horrific abuse.

Everything everyone else had said really

But has also made me realise I have just announced to DH I'll be going to palm springs for a day and a night in November (I live 2 hours away, not as massive as it sounds!) leaving him with a 4yr old and a 1yr old for 36 hours. Will be using my money but have realized on this thread I should still "ask" as all his money is family money and even though he buggers off on work trips constantly leaving me with the children it's actually at least common courteousy to ask when you want to go on a jolly

Ok, I was aware of the reputation of the Thai sex industry, but not its extent. I imagined it would be like Amsterdam, strippers, lap dancing? Any chance the ops dh is the same? A lot of you are saying he will be dragged in even if unwilling, am I being naive to think that the average man wpuldnt have sex with a child even if drunk?

Btw I wouldn't like or condone the 'Amsterdam experience' either but I know plenty do.
I actually feel a bit sick from reading this thread and writing what I just did.

I am a very relaxed partner, and love my DH doing stuff because means he is happy and after I put DS to bed, I get flat to myself to watch sh**ty TV!

However, my jaw hit the floor when I read the detail of you situation. You have a baby and a toddler. C'mon!!! How can he even THINK about going away for a week's jaunt.

As for booking a holiday yourself, unless you were going to go with someone else, it wouldn't be much of a holiday for you and I think it would make you feel very sad and lonely. I urge you not to book a holiday by yourself, unless family or friend can join

I've spent a lot of time in Thailand and there would no way ever that I would allow dh to go on an all boys trip there. It's not the cost or the distance or the time away from family that would be my issue, it would be the very dodgy drug and sex industry. HIV, life in prison for drugs, lady boys, child prostitution: how can you guarantee a bunch of drunk men could avoid all these situations. Plus date rape drugs in drinks in the girly bars to rob/manipulate the customers.....no no no

Putting aside all the child rape and sexually transmitted diseases (I can't believe I have written that sentence) and assuming that in the face of all his mates indulging in sexual experiences he decides not to take part...

He TELLS you he is going?! Has he got any respect for you?
He is leaving you alone for a week with a baby and a toddler. Has he any idea how hard this will be? Does he even care?
You are 'comfortable' for money but this stag do will probably cost as much as a family holiday for all four of you - are you ok with sacrificing a holiday for yourselves/treats/days out etc that could have been bought with the money he is spending?

Apologies OP but your DH sounds like a tool.

Ugh I hate the whole stag/hen thing, I really don't get why getting married means you have to go out and act like a drunken fool for a night/weekend/week.

As someone who socialises in a very mixed male/female group of friends I am hoping when DP and I get married we can have a joint knees up in a local pub with everyone invited.

We discussed a friends upcoming stag do the other night, all the lads were discussing Amsterdam and every single one of their partners (including me) gave a very simple at them.

I don't care how fucking PC it is, when you're a grown man with a family, especially young kids, you don't bugger off for a week with your mates to ogle women and get legless, it's just pathetic.

So is it generally accepted that 'normal' men wonr be able to resist using prostitutes and/or raping children if they're drunk enough and in a place where its normal?
Not getting on my soapbox, I'm just shocked.

I know Thailand quite well and if Dh brought up the subject of a stag do there I would not brought worried about the seedy side of things at all, not because it doesn't exist but because I trust him and it's an amazing country with so much more to it.

The main concerns to me (and him) would be cost and annual leave. If booked as a package it could work out expensive but if they book flights and then book accommodation direct with the hotel it might not work out much more than many European destinations as costs out there are very low.

However it's a decision we would make together. The only thing your dp has done wrong imo is to present it as a done deal.

I don't care how fucking PC it is, when you're a grown man with a family, especially young kids, you don't bugger off for a week with your mates to ogle women and get legless, it's just pathetic.

Dp says ^^ this. Embarrassing in anyone past their late 20s.

I suppose we should ask the op where in Thailand they are going and what the itinerary is before we have her dh banged up and dosed up? But i just can't see stags going for the whole cultural experience or spa beach week? Maybe I'm just cynical?

I've skim read.
My DH is off to a stag do in Thailand in June.
I think it's more of a holiday than a sex tourist jaunt though and I completely trust him so I'm more than fine with it.
It's expensive, but it's also a one off and the friend has been a very good friend for more than 20 years.