To be annoyed DH wants to go on a Stag do to Thailand

[FedupwithDisney]

My DH has just announced that one of his best mates (was DH's Best Man) is having his Stag do in Thailand for a week later this year and he will be going.

I am pretty annoyed. Every time I ask him to book time off work to do something as a family I get "it's not a good time at work" "I'm too busy" etc. We do have some family holiday time booked, but it's been a battle to get him to do it. He hasn't even taken all his Paternity leave that he is entitled to as work is "so busy" (DD2 is 12 weeks old). He does have a good job and I understand the pressures but how come he can suddenly take off a week for this?

If he goes I will be at home with a 3yo and a 8 mo. Guess I'll cope, I don't see him much in the week as it is, but I'm annoyed that he'll be away having a ball and I'll be dealing with the kids on my own for a week.

I'm also annoyed about the money. Surely it will cost loads. We're comfortable, but certainly not rolling in it. He gets a bonus in August which he's probably planning on using but I can think of much better things we could spend this money on like trips for the DC's and stuff for the house.

AIBU to be annoyed? He knows I'm pissed off and is sucking up to me big time, making the dinner and tidying up!

Nyac looks like OP's DH' mate is not unusual in choosing this for his stag do then. There must be a lot of very understanding ladies out there.

Asked dh why someone would have a stag do in Thailand. He said sex. And ladyboys.

Eww. Lots of reasons to be pissed off. The world has gone mental.

Just ewwwww

Yes if he goes trip to the GUM clinic before going anywhere near you I would think.

Extreme stag do!!
I'd be really hard pushed to be cool with this. And I can't believe the bride is happy about it. Could you not get her onside? And other partners.
I don't know what to suggest but YANBU!

Thank fuck DP wld never dream of doing anything like this.

When I was in Thailand (this story will out me but what the hell) I got really sick and ended up in hospital. I was ill for a long time and my boyfriend was visiting me from the UK. He came to see me in hospital but had to spend a lot of time on his own because I was asleep 16 hours a day. When I was well enough to go out for the night he took me to his favourite bar where he had been spending all his free time.

I was totally bemused. There was a boxing ring in the middle of the bar and the evening's entertainment was a combo of snake charming and Thai boxing. I asked him WTF he had chosen this bar to hang out in. He replied that he had gone to lots and it was the only one where a) he wasn't constantly hassled by bar girls prostitutes and b) the show was not sexual. All the rest had strippers and worse.

Needless to say it made me like him all the more. However, if you think the stag party will be hanging out in that bar, don't kid yourself.

I wouldn't be happy at all; not just on the sex aspect but also on the financial side and why should you be left at home holding the babies for a week whilst he does as he pleases. Will you get a holiday with friends once he gets back? I bet he wouldn't be as keen on you going as he expects you to be about him going!

These excessive stag/hen holidays are a real bugbear of mine, but this one takes the biscuit!

Yes this has to be the best 1 yet thailand for a stag do jeez

I know I've replied already but I've just been thinking about this and I honestly think that this sort of thing would be a dealbreaker for me if my DH was planning on doing it. My DH likes a lads' night out or weekend away as much as the next bloke, but surely it's not the actions of a normal, reasonable family-orientated father/husband to want to spend all his bonus on himself going on a long-haul jaunt for an entire week when he has young children. He's not given any consideration to you; he's completely disregarded you getting even the tiniest amount of fun or luxury from his bonus and he is just assuming that you will provide childcare for his children whilst he just fecks off at leisure.

As I said, I have no problems with my DH having nights out or even stag weekends away, but if he was asked to go on something like this he would point blank turn it down as he knows I would find it disrespectful and he wouldn't want to leave me for a week to deal with the children without him. How much is your DH planning on spending on the holiday? I wouldn't imagine he'd have much change out of 3k, especially if they're going to be drinking every day/night.

Nothing to add except DH and I would have serious words.

Even though I'd trust my DH, it seems like you'd struggle to escape the sex even if you wanted too. So my DH would be divorced if he did anything and probably left out (therefore not too chuffed to be on his own) if he didn't. Seems like a bad idea and total waste of money all round, I can't see this ending well.

I really can't believe that any guy would ask his wife if she was OK with this.

I would not allow this. I know I couldn't stop him going but I would definitely stop him coming back.

I'd be very annoyed about the carbon footprint he and his mates are providing. Shocking, as well as all of the other things being said.

Asked dh why someone would have a stag do in Thailand. He said sex. And ladyboys.

No, Culture and cuisine :)

Of course its a shagathon.

Tell him he can go but you are going to Rio for Carnevale with neither him nor any knickers :o

What resort is it, some are way more riskey then others.

Husband went to Thailand with work on a freebie. The tour guide in charge (English girl) took them as part of the planned entertainment to a sex show - not really what I expect them to be promoting on a work related do.

my first night in bangkok eating in a little restaurant off khao san road

young women comes over to talk to us is very sweet and friendly turns to my boyfriend and asks you want me to bang your cock in bangkok

as he was a twat he loved the attention he got

As others have said, the destination will not have been chosen due to its scenery, shopping, historical merits, architecture or even the selection of fine dining and drinking establishments.

Maybe this sounds harsh, but you need to face the fact that if your H goes on this stag do, he and the other men will almost certainly have sex with prostitutes. In all likelihood, it will involve raping girls or boys barely in their teens. It's also likely that some of the party may have sex with transexual people. In all cases, the prostitutes will be people who have been born into prostitution (i.e. their mothers were prostitutes) or they were sold into prostitutions by desperate, destitute families. It's possible sex that takes place will not be with a condom and he could return with a sexually transmitted infection.

The other indicators of his total disregard for you (e.g. the cost of the trip, the length of the trip, leaving you alone to care for your two small children, etc.) may seem "mild" compared with the "big one," but I'd urge you to think long and hard about whether you are happy to be in a relationship with a man who is choosing to be involved in what I described in the paragraph above.

It doesn't matter whether any other wife or girlfriend thinks it's tickity boo for their man to do this. It doesn't matter even if they are in denial and think they'll get up to no more "trouble" than on a wet weekend in Bognor. It doesn't matter that even if they accept the other men will "go wild," that their H won't do anything remotely bad, oh no. That's their decision and they have to live with the consequences of it.

It doesn't matter if he cleans the house so hard it sparkles or prepares you a series of haute cuisine meals on gold platters. It doesn't matter if you think you can "get your own back" by splurging on an expensive spa week. Ask yourself if this provides enough compensation for what your H will be doing on this trip.

Agree with hexagonal.

Also, your DH didn't ask you if you were OK with it, he just announced it. For me that announcement whilst I was at home raising his children and trying to be a family together would be an even bigger insult that the STD he may or may not come home with.

Unfortunately you are in a bit of a lose-lose situation. If he goes, it confirms his "ownership" of you and his dominance of the family finances. If you persuade him not to, you will be labelled a 'nag' or unreasonable or a screaming harpy.

No you are not BU!!! Your DH is outrageous in my veiw, not only to be going but to have anounced it to you in such a way as a fait accompli. It makes it worse that he has been so reticent to book family holidays in the past. I would be livid.

We are all different but planning my own mini break to serve him right would not have appealed to me when my DC was as little as yours, he is being a twat and that is all there is to it!

i let my DP go to thailand for 10 days when our DD was 6 months old, just for a lad's holiday because i'm a really understanding partner naive gobshite i'm now really worried, i didn't really know it was like this! never, ever, ever, ever, ever again. to be honest i was no better thought of for letting him go, i was seen as a door mat. don't let him go OP. i now get more respect and am better thought of since putting my foot down and changing things earlier this year and we are both happier.

Everything Kritiq said. :(

I wouldn't give a shiny shit if I was labelled a "nag", "uncool" or a "killjoy" for putting the absolute kybosh on this

...for the reasons that kritiq said

Totally agree with Kritiq -- well said.

The Thai sex industry is worth more than $4 billion a year -- it's enormous.

Up to 40% of Thai prostitutes are children.

Most of them are sold and trafficked... forced to have sex with a dozen men a day.

It's not Amsterdam or Vegas -- it's something else entirely.

Your DH sounds like a prize twat anyway -- he wont' take all his paternity leave, but he'll go to Thailand for a stag do???

But you need to be clear-eyed about what he'll be up to there, thousands of miles from home, under the influence of cheap alcohol, peer pressure and lovely ladies everywhere.

I agree with whoever said they would let their DH go but not come back. Seriously.

OP, take real notice of what Kritiq said because ALL of it is real. This isn't Amsterdam where the lads MIGHT have a lap dance and a giggle in some bars. Men who go to Thailand for a stag do mean business and it will involve sex, sex of the most sordid kind...sadly rape of underage girls and boys. It sounds dramatic I know but it is reality. No man is going to travel all that way and just stand around while his mates participate. By agreeing to go your DH is buying into it and supporting this sick industry. For that alone you need to evaluate your relationship with this man.

'Announcing' that he is going again speaks volumes about the respect this man has for you.