To be annoyed DH wants to go on a Stag do to Thailand

[FedupwithDisney]

My DH has just announced that one of his best mates (was DH's Best Man) is having his Stag do in Thailand for a week later this year and he will be going.

I am pretty annoyed. Every time I ask him to book time off work to do something as a family I get "it's not a good time at work" "I'm too busy" etc. We do have some family holiday time booked, but it's been a battle to get him to do it. He hasn't even taken all his Paternity leave that he is entitled to as work is "so busy" (DD2 is 12 weeks old). He does have a good job and I understand the pressures but how come he can suddenly take off a week for this?

If he goes I will be at home with a 3yo and a 8 mo. Guess I'll cope, I don't see him much in the week as it is, but I'm annoyed that he'll be away having a ball and I'll be dealing with the kids on my own for a week.

I'm also annoyed about the money. Surely it will cost loads. We're comfortable, but certainly not rolling in it. He gets a bonus in August which he's probably planning on using but I can think of much better things we could spend this money on like trips for the DC's and stuff for the house.

AIBU to be annoyed? He knows I'm pissed off and is sucking up to me big time, making the dinner and tidying up!

YANBU!!!
Stag dos are really expensive and a trip to Thailand would b BIG money. There is no way DH would go on a stag do abroad at the moment as we just couldn't afford it.

Cheers theodorakis. Maybe people who haven't been there don't understand quite how pervasive the sex industry and the child sex industry or child rape to call it by it's actual name is there. The prostitutes lie about their age routinely, up if the person looks worried about raping a child, down if they look like that's what they want. I know that women were beaten by men who wanted something they would be arrested for at home. I heard that from the men, not just the bar girls. I made it my business to talk to people and it is really shocking. When you see the girls/women and the size of them, even the older ones look so small next to the Western men. It is heartbreaking.

Garlicnutters and others, gee you really have it sussed that stags wouldn't have any other reason to choose Thailand. That is so insulting to all the people, groups of men included, who might enjoy the many other attractions.

Don't be daft chandelina. If OP's husband and his pal were students of Buddhist architecture, going to visit an old friend on his windsurfing island, or any such other specific reason to choose Thailand, OP would have said so.

I believe I covered that in the post you're criticising. As have others. So you're either pathetically naive, spoiling for a fight or trying hard to believe some bullshit your own partner told you. Whatever

I knew you'd come back with the rape apologist accusation. Where did I say I'd blame him if he was sexually assaulted? Maybe if his drink were spiked or maybe if he took something himself since drugs are so readily available and lost his inhibitions as a result, he'd end up taking advantage of what is more readily available there than anywhere else? (I base that on where I've travelled to and what I've seen).

I can see where you've misunderstood me. I didn't phrase it well. I absolutely did NOT mean that if he were assaulted it would be his fault. But then, I think you read it that way because you wanted to.

So by those figures on tourists, the majority of tourists are not sex tourists. Some people here would have you believe that Thailand is just one big brothel, quite insulting to the country. And of course I realise the sex industry issues involved. But way to label a whole country and any man who goes there.

Oh, and if any of the men who does have sex with a prostitute there doesn't check ID (which they probably won't have, what with being trafficked and all) they don't know their age. Child prostitution is the norm in Thailand NOT an exception.

Yes, Hownoobrooncoo only about 40% so perfectly alright. If 40% of the stag are sex tourists I presume that is alright too?

Where did I say I'd blame him if he was sexually assaulted?

Being called an idiot for being drugged into a sexual encounter is not the same as being at fault for being the victim of a date rape? You're either very sexist (peddling the "men can't get raped" myth) or you're back-pedalling from a disgusting insinuation.

WTF?

The majority of male tourists are sex tourists, if those figures are right.

We are talking about a stag do here....

Yes, Hownoobrooncoo only about 40% so perfectly alright. If 40% of the stag are sex tourists I presume that is alright too?

Thankfully I've no experience in how to do it, but I imagine if an evil fucker was going over there to fiddle with kids, he wouldn't bring a squad of his mates with him.

I have been to Thailand and I am going again this year. It wouldn't cross my mind for a millisecond that if DH went with an all-male group he would be shagging prostitutes or raping children. He is capable of resisting, as are many men. I don't understand this attitude that somehow setting foot into Thailand turns ALL men into guys who pay for sex.

Of course there are men that do. Sadly, there are thousands of them. The sex industry is Thailand is heartbreaking and I wish there was more I could do for those whose lives are blighted by it. But vilifying all men who have ever been to Thailand on a stag do is just wrong in my view.

The annual leave, costs, paternity leave, childcare, these are the issues i would be concerned about in the OPs position.

Ahem, Hownoo, 70% is a majority.
estimate that 70% of male tourists in Thailand are sex tourists
The stag party will be all male, one presumes.

Some people don't seem to be getting how insistent the sex trade is at the main Thai tourist destinations. You don't go looking for a prostitute, they come at you - in droves - and will not leave you alone.

I posted earlier that this happened to me - a middle-aged woman - in a minor town, not one of the big tourist places! It is so not like looking for sex in Blackpool or Brighton, or even in Tallinn, where you at least have to go to a sex bar. The Thai trade is out looking for you.

I completely agree with those who say a stag who wanted to avoid that side of the trip would [a] have his work cut out and [b] be in a very difficult position if when his pals bought the girls. And what if, amazingly, none of them actually had sex but watched shows by trafficked girls? If DH walks away from it all, he may as well not go.

The annual leave, costs, paternity leave, childcare, these are the issues i would be concerned about in the OPs position

Well of course, but they're all issues that can be discussed. the AIBU preferred modus operandi for breaking up relationships is to call the OP and his friends a paedophile ring.

*the OP's OH and his friends

Ew ew ew I agree with the other Mums, it's sends up huge red flags for me, Thailand for a stag party for a whole week, land of the child prostitutes and sex slaves. Nasty. If her went I'd want him fully disinfected and tested for any sexually transmitted diseases before I'd touch him ever again.
How do the men friends of this groom not see how inappropriate this Stag do is?

Miyagi, I'm sorry, but I think you're being really naive.

Men can rationalise what they do there because A) the girls pretend to be older, B) it's out in the open and everyone is doing it so it's normalised, C) everyone is drunk and partying, and in this case D) you have the whole stag do ethos (wink, wink).

I'm sure a lot of guys just think they'll go and walk around and drink and see some shows (which are bad enough). But people do get caught up and do more.

You can't possibly think that $4 billion is all paedos, right?

Though saying that stuff about being able to go down the road for a prostitute there does seem to something off about a group of men choosing to go to Thailand for a stag.

Usually a stag would be to a place where the groom has an interest in (such as football), or somewhere (I'd say this is the usual reason) that is seen as a place to go drinking in and is normally a weekend

A stag to Thailand just doesn't ring the same as a group of friend travelling there. Are they golfing enthusiasts?

Whatever they are they must be very, very well off and quite above the 'comfortable' level of living

MrMiyagi you have never been to Thailand I assume? You cannot comprehend the vast difference between there and effing Blackpool!

I'm neither peddling a sexist myth or back-peddling from any disgusting insinuation. I explained what I meant you're not interested in the explanation. Fair enough. You're a bloke on the Internet - you don't have to understand a thing I'm saying.

Thailand has been overtaken as the world's #1 sex tourism destination by Brazil. I used to live there. I was personally involved with projects that help child prostitutes. I was also a tour guide for American and European visitors. If I seem to be taking a hard line on this, it's because I'm taking a hard line.

I also helped with a parallel project in Thailand, while I was there briefly. The stories of some of the (very) young women were horrific. Actually, I say 'some' but it was all of them - I was hardened by my Brazilian experience, but Thai 'owners' of indentured girls seem to have plumbed astounding depths of horror.

From that link the majority of male tourists are sex tourists - 70%. Male tourists also include men who are backpacking, who are visiting with families or who are actually in Thailand because they are interested in the country. They would be the 30% non-sex tourists.

It would be likely that the percentage of men in stag parties to Thailand who are sex tourists is much higher, given that it is promoted as a prostitution destination to stag parties in the same way that Prague, Amsterdam and Vegas are, and that clearly a lot of stag parties are going there in order to buy sex.

I am deeply unsettled by those figures, and indeed by anyone who would go over there intending to take advantage, but as a male I am perfectly capable of going somewhere and not having sex with a stranger (I've become quite the expert at it I hit puberty met my DP). If the OP's DH has given no other indication of being the type to visit a prostitute (which could easily do tonight if he so wished), then it shouldn't be a factor in whether or not he goes on a stag do there.

*since I hit puberty met my DP

I have been to Thailand. I have experienced the sex industry everywhere and in your face. I would not prohibit my DH going on a stag do to Thailand because I was worried he would sleep with a prostitute. I trust that he wouldn't. He has a brain, he has a heart, he has a conscience. He is not reduced to a walking penis because of the country he is in, or the company he is keeping.

No walter, you said if a man was taken advantage of sexually because his drink was spiked, it would have been because he was an idiot, and therefore his fault.

No I didn't.