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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if I should ask for payment for childcare from a friend

111 replies

Belleflowers · 24/04/2012 08:22

basically, a new friend has 3 kids 10, 8 and 7. Her husband works lots and she has just had major surgery in London, meaning she is out of action for the forseeable.

I had offered to pick up all 3 kids take them to mine after school with my 2 kids one day each week, 2 pm until 6pm. their dad usually got them at 7pm.

now it turns out she needs them picked up and looked after tues wed and thursday afternoons. apparently no other parents or mums from school have offered help with pickup or a rota when she has told them she'll be out of action for about 7 mths.

so i have said I'll do it.

Thing is, they havent mentioned anything regarding payment, as basically this is a childminding offer from me, and it will mean my afternoons 3 days a week between 2pm and 6pm are involved with her kids here, just as i was about to start looking for part time work.

Both her husband and herself have said indirectly jokingly 'ohhhj are you sure, we'll have to give you something for it.

..I've said 'sure! ' but nothing forthcoming or definite has emerged from anyone.

they told me they were paying 250 a week to a childminder before, but she doesnt want to get a childminder now.

but i figure i need to get paid - i want to help my friend, but dont want to be taken for a bit of a walkover and It is a lot of driving around for all their extra curricular activites after school etc.

am i being unreasonable to expect payment for this favour? how do i go about it?

OP posts:
FeakAndWeeble · 24/04/2012 08:24

It's hardly a favour if you're expecting payment for it, is it?!

bigTillyMint · 24/04/2012 08:29

It's a lot to take on as a favour. It's 8 hours, and you are expecting to have to take them to ASC's. You could start feeling mighty pissed off before long.

If you are really sure you are up for doing it, why don't you go back to her and explain that you would like to help, but that you were on the verge of getting a part-time job as you need the money, and that you would need to be paid (what ever you think) for doing it 2 days a week.

Groovee · 24/04/2012 08:29

You can't offer to help someone out then expect payment. Maybe something towards food but not your time. If it's too much then they'll just have to pay a childminder.

valiumredhead · 24/04/2012 08:30

You offered so I think it's a bit off to suddenly ask for payment and unless you are a registered childminder I don't think you can. Perfectly reasonable to ask for petrol money though if you will be out and about a lot with them.

I was out of action for a year after a big accident and my friend took my boy to school and picked him up - I am eternally grateful.

HecateTrivia · 24/04/2012 08:32

you offered to help them out. If you want to be paid, you're going to have to say so. Directly.

Although then it's not a favour, is it?

Is there some rule about being paid for childminding? I think you have to be registered (unless you're a grandparent, I think)

Perhaps say that you're happy to help out, but things are tight and you will need petrol money for the after school activities etc

Or just stick to the one day a week that you offered.

madmouse · 24/04/2012 08:33

You need to decided whether to do it as a favour or whether you want to be paid. And then you have to make your position clear. Not wait for something to happen and then feel resentful if it doesn't.

But yy as previous poster says you must be registered.

catsareevil · 24/04/2012 08:34

Why did you offer to do it without arranging the pay? It might be a difficult situation to get out of now.
If you werent doing it they would have to pay someone.

MilkNoSugarAndAShotofWhisky · 24/04/2012 08:34

You can't be paid unless you're a registered childminder

Hownoobrooncoo · 24/04/2012 08:35

I think it's a lot to take on. One afternoon as was planned - yes, but 3 extra kids 3 afternoons a week from 2-7pm? What about expenses, food etc? I don't blame you for rethinking it and I think she should offer you something especially as they are saving from the previous childcare expenses.

everlong · 24/04/2012 08:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 24/04/2012 08:42

If you are happy to be paid illegally, then just tell her that you helping is subject to you finding work and see what she says.

If you were planing on being able to claim tax credits etc, then of course you won't be able to,so that is the difference, along with no NI contributions or references etc.

You should not be out of pocket and should be getting all of your expenses. This isn't a casual arrangement,the details need to be gone over,before it starts, or this will be the end of your friendship.

Callisto · 24/04/2012 08:42

Well you said you would do it and you didn't mention money, so I think the other parents are under the impression that you are doing it as a favour. I think you are being U to expect them to offer to pay you when you told them you would do it as a favour.

I also think you were mad to even offer 1 day a week for nothing. You either need to suck it up and do it for nothing without resentment, or have a discussion with them about how much money you expect for this 'favour'.

madmouse · 24/04/2012 08:43

Problem is OP said yes first and is now thinking about payment, instead of saying I can take on the other days too but we will need to discuss payment.

OP I do think it is reasonable for you to be given petrol money and some money towards food.

SmethwickBelle · 24/04/2012 08:44

I wish you were my friend! If you were I would insist on paying you or giving you something, even knitting you a blooming hat for such a massive imposition, I'd say that's out of the ranks of "favour" into a "seven month childminding arrangement for three children".

You could say you'll can commit to doing it for a month but that you are hoping to return to work part time in the near future and so it probably won't be possible longer term - it's true and a perfectly legitimate reason. Or frame it as a trial period to see how you get on with it. It's OK to be a little anxious about the amount of work, I would be!

That month gives her time to try to find someone else to help or to decide it perhaps IS worth insisting on giving you some money for your considerable trouble.

MrsShitty · 24/04/2012 08:46

Just say "Ive been thinking and I will need to ask you for help with expenses and maybe a little for my time if that's ok?"

Then they SHOULD say "Of course!" if they do not then you'll have to reconsider. It could ruin your friendship.

Heswall · 24/04/2012 08:49

I don't think anyone would think any less of you if you said this is too much, but you aren't a childminder I assume therefore you cannot be paid as one unless you plan to register, get insurance etc. Oh and pay tax and NI

axure · 24/04/2012 08:50

I think your friend is being a bit cheeky asking for another 2 days after you kindly offered one, maybe you felt put on the spot and agreed without thinking. At least the children aren't very young and your children might enjoy having some extra playmates. You need to sort out whether it's a favour or you need some money for expenses before you start or it will become a massive bone of contention.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 24/04/2012 09:01

You are breaking the law if you look after someone else's children in your own home for payment of any kind!

DublinMammy · 24/04/2012 09:02

YANBU, I think your friend is taking the piss, suddenly going from 1 day a week to 3 and not making a firm offer of payment. I would go back to her (I know it will feel awkward but steel yourself) and be very up-front with her. It's 3 kids for 12 hours a week for the next 7 months. If she doesn't think you deserve to be paid for that then she is a cheeky mare, especially as she had childcare before (which she paid 250 a week for) and now thinks she can just have you do the job for nothing.....

IDontDoIroning · 24/04/2012 09:05

Theres a BIG difference in offereing to have them one day a week for a couple of weeks and 7 months. And a HUGE difference between 1 and 3 times a week for any more than a week or 2.
You need to think through whether you can really do this. Its a huge committment and altnough its illegal for them to pay you they should be offering to cover the additional costs in food bus fare etc.

The fact is they have used paid child care before and i think thay are being incredibly naieve (sp) at best thinking that they can call in that level of favours for that length of time. I'm afraid the actions and comments so far raises lots of red flags for me.
This will be a job for you and it may be worth registering as a child minder so they can pay you above board, however if they wanted to oay fir childcare they would have found it ..... Which goes back to my original thought that they dont want to pay, which means they wont pay you.
What sort of friends are they, do they do favours back. Is there a risk they will start to take you for granted. What will happen if you or your children are ill or you have an emergency of your own etc?
Its a real no no for me if its going to stop you finding a job yourself, nit ibly will they be imposing on your free time, eating your food, they may potentially be costing you paid work.
If you really feel you owe it to them just do the one day a week and say you will have to review it in a month to see if its working out.
There a loads of threads on this type of thing and they rarely end well.

Tabliope · 24/04/2012 09:05

2pm is a very early finish time for schools. Also, if your friend is out of action for 7 months and you're offering to look after the kids you know that will include half term in June and probably 6 weeks summer holidays where you might be expected to have them all day. Are you feeding them too? 6pm or 7pm pick up by dad from yours is very late as the kids won't get fed until late unless eating at yours. I'd have a rethink if I was you - you'll be massively out of pocket and will feel resentful if you're not getting paid for it to cover your costs at least. For 7 months they need to get a formal arrangement put in place with someone. It's a bit much them expecting you to do 3 days a week for 7 months. I'd say something has come up and they can't rely on you. Do it now so they can make other plans.

maras2 · 24/04/2012 09:06

What on earth has she had done to put her 'out of action' for 7 months?

valiumredhead · 24/04/2012 09:09

Possibly not cheeky - probably desperate axure

OTTMummA · 24/04/2012 09:11

Why can't she just use a childminder like she was before? I can see this going wrong after a while, I would just stick to the one day tbh.

5318008 · 24/04/2012 09:11

Scottish schools finish at 2pm iirc

OP will have to tread carefully to avoid getting into trouble if payment takes place

Declaring income to tax office, registering premises with enviro health, what about first aid, compromising home and car insurance etc

This is without exploring the issue of unregistered childminding