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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder if I should ask for payment for childcare from a friend

111 replies

Belleflowers · 24/04/2012 08:22

basically, a new friend has 3 kids 10, 8 and 7. Her husband works lots and she has just had major surgery in London, meaning she is out of action for the forseeable.

I had offered to pick up all 3 kids take them to mine after school with my 2 kids one day each week, 2 pm until 6pm. their dad usually got them at 7pm.

now it turns out she needs them picked up and looked after tues wed and thursday afternoons. apparently no other parents or mums from school have offered help with pickup or a rota when she has told them she'll be out of action for about 7 mths.

so i have said I'll do it.

Thing is, they havent mentioned anything regarding payment, as basically this is a childminding offer from me, and it will mean my afternoons 3 days a week between 2pm and 6pm are involved with her kids here, just as i was about to start looking for part time work.

Both her husband and herself have said indirectly jokingly 'ohhhj are you sure, we'll have to give you something for it.

..I've said 'sure! ' but nothing forthcoming or definite has emerged from anyone.

they told me they were paying 250 a week to a childminder before, but she doesnt want to get a childminder now.

but i figure i need to get paid - i want to help my friend, but dont want to be taken for a bit of a walkover and It is a lot of driving around for all their extra curricular activites after school etc.

am i being unreasonable to expect payment for this favour? how do i go about it?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 24/04/2012 23:26

glad it is all sorted, yes a cheeky ask, 3 kids for 3 days - plus holidays you could have had the children all day Shock

surprised a new friend would ask this tbh

and out of action for 7 mths????????

what on earth is she having done?

GinPalace · 24/04/2012 23:28

McHappy I think it is an effort to regulate the industry in the spirit of child protection. the details and efficacy of it I am a bit fuzzy on. :)

anewyear · 25/04/2012 08:58

Yes op, tell us what she was having done, pleease

Oh glad you got it sorted Smile

valiumredhead · 25/04/2012 09:03

they were lovely about it all, said they never expected me to do so much etc

So not 'takers' then ?

OP, you sound like you did well with a difficult conversation, glad it's all sorted now :)

Bramshott · 25/04/2012 09:15

McHappy - it's not illegal if it's irregular, if it's in your house, or if your kids are over 8. But regular childcare for under 8s in the carer/friends house makes someone a childminder and they have to be registered and inspected.

Belleflowers · 25/04/2012 11:28

re the taker thng - the comments yesterday did make sense because later when i explained my decision, she did mention that she didnt want to start getting into a 'paying a friend' situation...

which means there was never any intention to offer even a tiny amount for petrol etc expenses.

Had I not stated my concerns, I now realise that I most probably would have ended up spending every spare minute of my afternoons either driving here there and everywhere to accomodate their extra curriculars, or feeding them, breaking up their sibling fights, tidying up, making sure they did homework (she wanted them to do their homework here too) and trying to remain calm and sane, while my own families needs and organisation basically would have been put on hold for a long time.

so yes, i dont think it would have worked for anyone!

realising that sometimes I cant do everything for everyone, amd i shouldnt have to, or think I need to. Life with 2 kids is busy enough, nevermind 5 kids in my house 3 times a week for nothing other than the expectation than as a friend i need to help her. Some kind of boundary is and was needed, thanks for your helps yest in heing me find that boundary and communicate it clearly enough yest. awkward conversation but necessary for longterm!

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 25/04/2012 11:30

Hmmmm in that case you had a lucky escape OP!

Belleflowers · 25/04/2012 11:31

family's - spelling sorry

OP posts:
GinPalace · 25/04/2012 11:35

Valium - yes not out and out ruthless clinical takers - just people happy to let someone do more than they should for them, maybe a wee bit selfish - just not in a malicious way as completely fine about it if it doesn't happen?

I think the collective wisdom on mn including all its checks and balances is its strength to be honest. It is good to have opposing POV put forward, I have often had my outlook adjusted by what I have come across on here. :)

letseatgrandma · 25/04/2012 12:10

Well done, OP! Did you give her a firm date of when you would stop?

Out of interest-did she tell you what she was going to do as an alternative?

Belleflowers · 25/04/2012 12:28

thanks letseat - have said thurs afternoons during termtime until end of summer term.

but if i have visitors or appts on thurs afternoons i cant do it

wont be available from sept also as ypungest will be in full 5 mornings a week nursery for her age so i'll be out at part time work then - with any luck!

so, yes, they are being made aware that it is unpredictable to rely on me..

.ie they need consistent concrete plans, assume they are going for childcare, she said she had another lady she could ring.

not sure what that means, but am gently pushing it away

cant commit is what i said, and i cant!

OP posts:
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