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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can't decide if I am sick to the stomach or ok with this

156 replies

HoldOnWoody · 23/04/2012 19:35

My friend's son is not far off 3 years of age and she let's him sit on her lap and place his hand down her top and, I can only presume, give booby a squeeze. It is obviously a comfort but I actually feel very uncomfortable when it happens. I have never thought that it is OK but I wonder whether I am just being a bit anal and it is not so bad.

OP posts:
MagsAloof · 23/04/2012 20:19

odd thing

Original poster
HoldOnWoody · 23/04/2012 20:21

I don't know. I suppose I wonder why he doesn't ever play with the others and why he just sits there with his hand down her top. And I suppose I also wonder why she just lets him and doesn't encourage him to play with his friends. I know a few of you are saying he is a baby but he will be three in a month. The other 2 and 3 year olds are usually creating havoc with the toys.

OP posts:
ABatInBunkFive · 23/04/2012 20:22

If you don't think it's sexual why else would it make you sick to the stomach? Hmm

CallMeAl · 23/04/2012 20:22

If you don't know if you're "sick to your stomach", you're not. ffs. Hmm

Helltotheno · 23/04/2012 20:23

My diddies are fair game chez moi.. grabbed regularly by all and sundry. Let the wee lad have an odd comfort feel :)

thisisyesterday · 23/04/2012 20:24

my friend's little boy used to sit on her lap all the time until he started school

and this was with a group of us who had been meeting weekly since before he was even born! so they all knew each other.
he was just shy

he's not now though Grin

stretch · 23/04/2012 20:24

My 2.5 yr old DS does this. He also asks for "num-nums" Hmm Doesn't bother me or anybody around me. Only problem I have is that he tends to prefer doing it to my more endowed friends than me Sad

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 23/04/2012 20:24

Some children are just shy though. And it wouldn't be uncommon for a shy child to stick close to their mother and seek comfort. Nothing to be worried or sick about. He is still little in my opinion, not even three years old.

HappyJustToBe · 23/04/2012 20:25

Nicely put, YouOldSlag Smile

Original poster
HoldOnWoody · 23/04/2012 20:25

Sick to the stomach was a bit extreme. Shouldn't have put it like that.

OP posts:
RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 23/04/2012 20:25

I also have a habit of sticking my hands in my bra as a sort of comfy place to put them. I guess some habits stick.

Bunbaker · 23/04/2012 20:27

Wow! I am little Shock at how mean you are being to the OP.

"How did you manage to bf them without any boob squeezing going on?"

DD never squeezed mine when I was feeding her. Mind you there wasn't much to get hold of Sad

I couldn't care less if I saw a child behaving like that, although I wouldn't like it if a small child tried to squeeze my boobs.

Original poster
HoldOnWoody · 23/04/2012 20:31

I'm not surprised at all by how nasty mean some are being on here. Isn't that the name of the game on this site.

OP posts:
startail · 23/04/2012 20:32

DD2 BF for so long that an interest in boobs at 3 wouldn't even register.

She would kiss mine good night and then kiss me, almost as if I were a separate person. They were quite simply a special comforting part of her life.

everlong · 23/04/2012 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Indith · 23/04/2012 20:34

My 5 year old strokes mine, what's the problem?

PurpleRomanesco · 23/04/2012 20:34

I do that too Rabbits! :o

organiccarrotcake · 23/04/2012 20:36

Seems like she's a good mother to not try to force her shy child to (aarrghh) "socialise" until he's ready. His needs right now are, it seems, be with mummy. He wants the comfort of being close to her, and perhaps he's breastfed or was breastfed and the comfort of knowing they're there helps him to feel happier in a situation that he's obviously not yet ready for.

A need met is a need that will go away. This small child needs his mother's support to know that all will be well when he's around other people. She's fulfilling that need and he's learning that he can trust her to be there when he's not feeling comfortable. That's the first lesson in trust and in (actual) socialisation. He'll move on when he's ready and when he does he'll be far more confident than if he'd been pushed too soon.

Every child is different and for some children they're just born extremely shy. It's a real pleasure to see a mother who recognises this and supports her individual child's individual needs, even if the other ones of a similar age are running around creating havoc.

I know this may not be what we're used to in our society, OP, but I can see you're trying to be more open-minded in your follow-up posts. I think your OP was unfortunately worded, but sometimes when any of us see something different to what we are used to it can be a shock. We're used to our babies growing up faster than human babies are designed to, and when they don't it can seem wrong. In fact, it's normal and this kind of mothering is likely to lead to this child becoming a confident adult.

There was an interesting article doing the rounds on FB today that may be appropriate to share here: www.nurturingheartsbirthservices.com/blog/?p=1773

hathorkicksass · 23/04/2012 20:37

DD used to say when she saw me getting dressed and putting my bra on

"Don't put your boobies away mummy I loves your boobies"

FFS the problem is with you not a wee boy sitting on his mum's knee having a cuddle.

And he could be shy btw - DD was like that - preferred to sit quietly and watch at that age she's not like that now

Original poster
HoldOnWoody · 23/04/2012 20:41

Thanks organiccarrotcake. That is exactly the kind of response I was after when I first posted. I know we are all different and I already felt like perhaps I was being anal with this situation. Likewise, I cannot help how I feel.

OP posts:
DogEared · 23/04/2012 20:42

Ooooh this might be about me! How amusing!

Gincognito · 23/04/2012 20:42

Yes, nothing to do with your inflammatory title and implied criticism of parents who think this is perfectly normal behaviour. And of course, nothing to do with the implication this is in some way sexual.

Everyone's just being nasty for no reason. Hmm

Gincognito · 23/04/2012 20:44

organiccarrotcake I think I love you

SardineQueen · 23/04/2012 20:44

Weeeeelll

Why I agree with all the comfort, soft , snuggly points, and my own children are not averse to the odd peer down top/having a bit of a squeeze

I do think that if my DD2 who is 2 decided to put her hands down my top and leave them there, when I was not with close friends/family, I would try to find her something else to do Grin

Of course there's nothing wrong with it though. When I take my top off the entire household stops to stare in rapt admiration Grin

Deadsouls · 23/04/2012 20:47

Sorry I think you ABVU and over-reacting....somewhat. MY DD is 22 mths, and she puts her hand down my top. I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all, and find it rather odd that you use the phrase 'sick to my stomach'