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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can't decide if I am sick to the stomach or ok with this

156 replies

HoldOnWoody · 23/04/2012 19:35

My friend's son is not far off 3 years of age and she let's him sit on her lap and place his hand down her top and, I can only presume, give booby a squeeze. It is obviously a comfort but I actually feel very uncomfortable when it happens. I have never thought that it is OK but I wonder whether I am just being a bit anal and it is not so bad.

OP posts:
MrsShitty · 23/04/2012 19:53

Some people aren't comfortable with this...there's no need to set the OP on fire, then stamp them out again with your biggest boots on.

Chill. The lot of you are hysterical if you ask me.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 23/04/2012 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsShitty · 23/04/2012 19:54

cat OP never said it was whilst feeding.

Original poster
HoldOnWoody · 23/04/2012 19:55

Don't worry Mrs, I can hold my own but thanks for your post.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoldOnWoody · 23/04/2012 19:56

I mean I didn't and don't let my children squeeze my boobs when they are not breastfeeding.

OP posts:
MogTheForgetfulCat · 23/04/2012 19:56

Good grief! If this is not a wind up, then you are just bonkers. A small boy (or girl) grabbing mum's boob for comfort in the same way as they might otherwise cuddle a favourite toy is not sexual, ffs. I have never heard of such an odd reaction. Fwiw, DS2 does this, he was breastfed until 2 and he is now 4. He honestly doesn't know he is doing it, it is totally unconscious of it, as I daresay your friend's DS is. I'm not thrilled about it, especially if I haven't cut his nails for a while Grin, but he will grow out of it. It has never occurred to me that it might make someone else uncomfortable - really can't see why it would. Your post, on the other hand, made me really quite uncomfortable Sad.

everlong · 23/04/2012 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 23/04/2012 19:58

I think a fairly unanimous YABU (which you seem pretty open to)

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 23/04/2012 20:00

My DS turned three a couple of weeks ago. He sometimes has a poke at my breasts and wonders if I 'bought them/are they elbows/did he grow in one of them/etc?'

Once in the supermarket he pulled my t-shirt down a bit and said "But why have you got a bra?" I swear several people detoured slightly to listen to the answer.

I don't think it matters, he has questions and curiosity. I'm prepared to bet that in a few years he would rather die than think about my bra but I don't think there's anything wrong with him wondering or asking or prodding a bit now.

Original poster
HoldOnWoody · 23/04/2012 20:02

I never said it was sexual. I just feel uncomfortable with it. All the other boys are either running around or playing together or playing alone. This boy just sits on his mum's lap the whole time with his hand down her top. He doesn't interact with the others.

OP posts:
littlemslazybones · 23/04/2012 20:02

My ds2, who is almost three, is still breastfed. Although I only breastfeed him at nap time and bedtime.

Every now and then he'll nuzzle up to me when we are out and about. The way my friends carry on I assume it's only a matter of time before they dob me in to some channel 4 'watch-this-freakshow' documentary. Sad

TuttoRhino · 23/04/2012 20:02

After I weaned my DD a couple of days before her 2nd birthday she spent the next six months sticking her hand down my top for comfort. That's how she fell asleep at night. I actively discouraged her from doing this in public spaces though.

I probably weaned her before she was totally ready. She eventually grew out of it though and hasn't done it for months (now 2.11).

thisisyesterday · 23/04/2012 20:03

ALERT ALERT...... SHY CHILD.... SHY CHILD.....

god i'd be sick to the stomach too OP, if I saw a 2 year old cuddling his mum.
jeez
kids these days

thisisyesterday · 23/04/2012 20:04

love how it starts out with "i feel so uncomfortable because this child may touch his mothers breast"
and turns into "but he never interacts with other children"

what is it, exactly, that you are concerned about? that he likes being close to his mum? that he may or may not touch her breast? that he is shy? that you think there is something wrong with him?

TheSecondComing · 23/04/2012 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chandon · 23/04/2012 20:07

My seven year old does this.

I have asked him to stop, but he still does it at times.

My nine year old pinches my bum.

I think they see their dad do it and think it is normal...

Original poster
HoldOnWoody · 23/04/2012 20:07

He's not cuddling his mum. He is squeezing her boobs. He is not a baby. He is a toddler. I know he is using it as a comfort. Thanks for posts - I am understanding a little more even if there is flame throwing going on in some of your reasoning.

OP posts:
RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 23/04/2012 20:08

Both my kids put their hands inside my clothing as a form of comfort seeking when held on my lap, breasts are a natural baby feeder, I am not surprised they continue as a comforter beyond feeding.

At that age I would probably still be breastfeeding, so I don't know what at all could be sickening about it?

footflapper · 23/04/2012 20:09

my two year old ds is fascinated with my boobs, he was never breastfed, i'm not bothered about him pulling my top down. As long as its not when I'm shopping :o

MogTheForgetfulCat · 23/04/2012 20:11

Why uncomfortable, though? Because he's touching her boob? Or because he doesn't interact? Maybe he's just shy? DS2 can be shy, and is far more likely to try to stick his hand down my top if he is tired and has had a long day, or if he is feeling shy with some new adults. He sucks his thumb on one hand and sticks the other one down my top. I really don't see why a shy child, who needs physical comfort from his mum (rather than, say a dummy or toy) makes you uncomfortable.

YouOldSlag · 23/04/2012 20:12

My 2yo sticks his hand down my top and says "boobies". I don't make a big deal out of it. To him it's just a soft bit on Mummy. They alos make a nice pillow.You are attaching too much significance to boobs OP.

Boobs are innocent until proven guilty.

PurpleRomanesco · 23/04/2012 20:14

Yes, Why are you uncomfortable, What are you worried will happen?

thisisyesterday · 23/04/2012 20:16

if he's sitting on her lap then he is having a cuddle isn't he?

Rubirosa · 23/04/2012 20:17

Boobs are comforting. They are designed to me - they are a baby's first and most important comforter, milk comes out of them, they are all soft and squishy.

I work in a nursery with children this age, and let me tell you it is far from uncommon for a child to try to stick their hand down my top when sitting on my lap!

MagsAloof · 23/04/2012 20:19

My DS did this until about 3-ish. It was a comfort thing that was associated with BF-ing and the comfort he got from that. I gently removed his hand once I started to feel a bit mauled and that was that.

It seems a very dd thing to be 'sick to your stomach' about Hmm