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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider a 3rd DC if we only want a girl

142 replies

Moti · 22/04/2012 21:23

This has been playing on my mind. At the moment we have 2 x DSs and I am happy with that, my DH has always wanted a DD as he is from a family of boys. DH recently said that he wanted to keep trying for a daughter and would be happy to have another couple of sons in the process. I have managed to delay any more 'trying' as I have a new job and we have now agreed that we should wait until youngest DS is at school. But in all honesty I don't want to keep on having children just to get a girl. I love my sons to bits but don't want another son as things are good as they are, I would like a daughter to please my DH. Right from the beginning of our relationship he talked about his wish for a daughter but I have never been concerned about the gender of our children. Anyone been in the same boat?

OP posts:

soverylucky · 23/04/2012 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FateLovesTheFearless · 23/04/2012 09:47

I have two of each and neither gender is 'better' than the other. I had two girls first and whilst I hoped I might have a son, I would have been completely over the moon to have had another girl. Popping out babies just to have a particular sex is wrong. Plain and simple. My grandmother did it. Six boys later....no girls.

entropygirl · 23/04/2012 09:53

This HAS to be a piss take. Oh please please let it be a piss take.....

parenting is different for girls? Fuck me! THIS HAS TO BE A PISS TAKE.

please tell me I don't really share a planet with someone that thinks that....

sugarice · 23/04/2012 09:58

I have 3 lovely boys and neither me or dh gave a hoot whether they were boy or girl. We were just thrilled to be Parents of healthy babies. The responses from other people however was astounding, such as " I bet you're disappointed it's another boy " and "oh God 3 boys, good luck" . Don't go for a third pregnancy hoping for a girl only. Good luck.

BarredfromhavingStella · 23/04/2012 10:01

I have one of each & honestly didn't care what sex they were whilst pregnant.

YABU as trying for a girl is just setting you both up for disappointment, the odds of getting a girl now you have 2 boys are drastically reduced, & how unfair on the child if you don't get what you want.

Also, please stop your husband saying silly things like that to your son, it really isn't healthy

mumeeee · 23/04/2012 10:05

I have 3 DDs and love them all. Yes at first we wanted a son but neither DH and I minded when that didn't happen. We certainly wouldn't have just carried on having more children just to get a son. You DH is BVU.

NeedlesCuties · 23/04/2012 10:07

OP, your DH and MIL do realise that a baby girl/ infant female and adult woman are actual living human beings and not dolls, yes? Having a baby girl should be no different to having a baby boy, neither are little accessories to be dressed up and paraded about.

I think your DH saying that to your son is 100% out of order, even if it was 'only' a joke. I'd pull him to one side and have a blast in his ear if he was my DH.

I have one DS and am pregnant with DC2, not sure what sex this one is, but I don't mind as long as he/she is healthy and happy.

In my DH's family there hasn't been a female born to anyone in 60 years and sometimes there are comments from MIL or others about hoping to finally get a girl. I ignore them and accept that whatever gender our baby is is just what God has given us.

CaoNiMa · 23/04/2012 10:08

This stinks of self-entitlement, OP. It's truly pathetic. Take a good look at yourselves, the pair of you.

themightyfandango · 23/04/2012 10:09

I blame NEXT clothing and pink pushchairs, people want girls for the shopping. Nobody was as bothered when all children wore brown corduroy and had green stripe Maclaren buggies

I'm sure that's a bit of a sweeping statement but I do have friends who have given shopping for pink stuff as a reason for wanting a girl and a fair few mums for whom mother and daughter shopping trips are a big day out from toddler age onwards.

Disclaimer: I am just I had one girl and three boys and she would only wear her hair short and navy tracksuits

OP You should only have the number of children you actually want and can afford regardless of gender. If your DH's disapointment is going to be so great it might be best to not try.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 23/04/2012 10:13

I can't believe your dh said that (reading op comment on page 1) I had to post straight away I am so and for your ds2!! And can you imagine the damaging crap he may come out with to a possible ds3????!!!!

I would say no, both for you and for any poor future son.

5madthings · 23/04/2012 10:17

he would be happy for you to have a few more boys until he got his girl

sorry but they arent just some commodity that you can just pop out, they will be people in their own right that deserve and need love from their father as well, how will they feel when they are older and they know they were only born because you were 'trying for a girl'

i am the mother of 4 boys and then 1 girl, we went into preg no 5 knowing we were likely to have another boy (i have met two consultants recently that said it is more unusual to have the other sex when you have a number of one sex already) we would have been more than happy with another boy, infact despite 2 scans telling us no 5 was a girl we didnt believe it till she was born and we saw for ourselves!

my dp has always joked about how mad it is he is father of 4 boys and is not a blokey bloke and he assumed he would have a girl in that mix, he loves dd but no more than he loves the boys, and tbh at 16mths there is no difference she is just like her brothers were at that age. is it lovely having a girl? yes but just because i can buy different clothes, which would be the same had i had 4 girls and then a boy!

our primary concern each time was that the pregnancy and birth went smoothly and mum and baby were fine each time NOT the sex of the baby.

i have had lots of comments along the lines of 'oh you finally got a girl or you kept going till you got a girl' etc etc they are hugely annoying we had a 5th baby because we wanted another CHILD, regardless of their sex, my boys are not second best to their sister and never will be and i resent the implication that they are, esp when it is said with them in earshot!!

welliesandpyjamas · 23/04/2012 10:20

This is a bit of a sad and pointless thread. We should all count ourselves lucky to have what we have, to have them healthy and alive, if we are blessed enough to have kids.

I have two sons and am expecting a third child. I have no preference. As long as everything goes ok in the pregnancy, the birth goes well, and they live a long, happy, and healthy life, that'll do me. One day I hope to have either three grown up sons or two grown up sons and a grown up daughter, and I'll be proud as punch. :)

TheArmadillo · 23/04/2012 10:24

I had a friend who had 4 or 5 older brothers and her dad admitted they had kept going till they got a girl. By the time she was 11 or so she had little to no relationship with her dad. She was not the girly, compliant girl he had wanted. It caused terrible problems for their relationship and his with his sons as well (who loved knowing they weren't as wanted as her). He ended up with poor relationships with all his children.

lazylula · 23/04/2012 10:31

I had 2 ds'. Before ds2 was born dh said if it was a girl we would stop if it was a boy we would have another one. I was adamant that this was NOT the criteria we would base having a third child on. Ds2 came along and yes I think dh was disappointed for a while but he loves ds2 with all his heart. After long discussions and kne weak night I became prgnant with dc3. Dh was far more open minded with this pregnancy (in the first two he seemed to think he was some sort of psychic and knew what the baby was, he was right with one wrong with the other) and was totally happy at the thought of another boy. I still had my doubts and felt that had ds2 been a girl hewould not have wanted a dc3 but we did have a dd and now he would like a dc4, which is not happening! So far parenting is no different. Having both sexes is nice but no better than having just one sex. I certainly would not have had dc3 if dh had said that to ds2.

ArcticRain · 23/04/2012 10:41

Can't remember if I read it while researching infertility etc or if our surgeon told us , but I thought genetics played a part in the type of sperm a man carried . They could have more male sperm, female sperm or equal , and the stats for having a third child of a different sex when two or more were of the same sex was significantly low. And it runs in families .

5madthings · 23/04/2012 10:51

artic there is something like that, i had an app at the lister hospital recently (am being an egg donor) and when i said i had 4 boys and then a girl the consultant said i was lucky to have a girl as often some men produce more of one sex sperm and some women have a hormone balance etc that favours one sex over the others (i have had 2 miscarriages as well so idid wonder if i couldnt carry girls) the consultant actually asked if dd had a different father and i said NO!! i think its once you have 3 or more of one sex that the odds of having hte other lower a bit?

sugarice · 23/04/2012 10:54

I take great pride that bossy strong women are more likely to give birth to boys only. I can't remember where I read that, probably the Daily Fail!

SmethwickBelle · 23/04/2012 11:04

I have two boys, might have liked a daughter but aside from being too knackered to have any more and not really up for three, part of my thinking was that I did wonder if I had a daughter I'd be thinking "aw she's left out" as the boys are thick as thieves (part of the joy of having the two of them), so then I'd be possibly thinking that she'd "need" a sister... I think sometimes you need to quit whilst you're ahead!

TheBigJessie · 23/04/2012 11:13

entropygirl

Now, now, be fair. Parenting girls will be different... If you're a sexist twit!

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. People often have different expectations of boys and girls, to start with, and treat their children differently to start with.

5madthings · 23/04/2012 11:22

smethwick i have had people say to me that i should have another baby and try for a girl as my dd will need a sister

so far a girl is no different to the boys, other than nappy changes, extra creases for poo to get stuck in! and my dd certainly isnt treated any differently, she does however already have the boys wrapped around her little finger, they all dote on her! she has learnt to say ds's name, which he loves and she will sit on the sofa and call him and then point to a toy on the floor that she wants so he picks it up for her, when she is MORE than capable of getting down and getting it for herself! cheeky madame

i often call my dd 'boy' tho a 'good boy' or when out will just call 'boys' as i have always done that, she comes toddling over anyway!! am obviously setting her up for a lifetime of gender dysmorphia!

entropygirl · 23/04/2012 12:26

Okay okay, I will accept that nappy changes are different....more creases to de-poo and less chance of being squirted in the eye....

Seriously fraternal siblings share only 50% of their DNA on average. The difference between your DC as a girl and your DC exactly the same but as a boy is only around 2%. Or rather your DC as girl is 98% the same as your DC as a boy.

Or put yet another way it is only 1 chromosome out of 46! Get over it!

MarieFromStMoritz · 23/04/2012 12:29

Hmm, I dunno. I know a woman who has 5 boys. She absolutely adores them and wouldn't swap them for the world. However, they are all very sporty (as is the dad) and spend a lot of time together doing sporty things. She is completely left out as she doesn't share these interests.

She always seems a bit lonely. If she ever told me that she was going to do gender selection for a girl (which she wouldn't as she is a Christian), I would completely understand.

entropygirl · 23/04/2012 12:30

marie so if she had a girl, she wouldn't be sporty? Because girls arent?

entropygirl · 23/04/2012 12:31

^&%&"&!

diddl · 23/04/2012 12:36

What a depressing thread.

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