AIBU to think childless friends are a bit selfish

[bbqjune]

so i have 2 friends that i have known for quite some time, pre-ds we used to do everything together, holidays etc
however i find it difficult now that i have my ds to do the same kind of things with them, i just cant afford it anymore especially with having to pay babysitters
they recently went away for the weekend for one of their birthdays, i was invited but i declined as couldnt afford the hotel(and quite frankly i didnt want to spend the whole weekend following them round london while they shopped)
AIBU to think that we could do 'cheaper' activities(exc the weekend away it was her bday after all) i regularly invite them to come over to my house in the evenings for food and movies, this saves me a heck of a lot as i dont have to pay a babysitter but its not something they take me up on very often
also im going through a bit of a difficult time atm, which they know about so i would think that they would be a bit more supportive seen as i have supported and dropped everything for them whe n they have needed it
sorry for the long post im just a bit fed up :(

I can see why you re fed up but you chose to have children so why should eh change the plan to fit you in. They are child free and I presume that is as they choose to be.

Not selfish, just have different priorities, why not find some other Mum friends (who, btw can also be selfish) I should know and still keep these childless friends too?. You were the one who decided to have children and, upto now, they don't have them, they shouldn't be any less important because of this.

They haven't dropped you though. They still come over, just not as often. It sounds as if you have to readjustment, find some company at your.life stage. You.might even reconnect later.

I think it depends on whether they are real friends or more like 'going out buddies'. Real friends would sit in at yours sometimes and go out with the others at other times, because you needed that. But good time mates are simply that.

You've got different priorities from each other now, and they don't understand yours or don't want to

stepway - you said: "It is utter rubbish to suggest that childless people should carry on as normal when their friends have babies, if they're at all bothered about, or invested in, the friendship. A true friend will realise that life changes when you become a parent and they'll work around it. They'll adapt a little. To suggest otherwise is horribly self absorbed and unpleasant."

That is true. But it must be a two -way street. I often see mums who expect their friends to make ALL the effort and go to their place and who never ever socialise with their friends unless it is on their (ie, the mum's) terms. That is similarly self-absorbed.

Not selfish in my opinion at all. I have plenty of childless friends who choose to go to party's and weekends away etc that I can't go too but such is life. I don't expect them to stop doing 'childless' things just because I had a child.

This is a ZOMBIE thread. Blimey, her kids are probably doing their PhDs by now

If you expected them to completely change their choices, you would be unreasonabke. But TRUE friends would make it work for you too, and sometimes come for supper at yours or whatever. AND they would offer to babysit. Because their relationship with you would be more important than "not changing anything about their lives."

I had a friend who said to me in response to an invite to mine for supper (while I was a properly skint single mum with no help and no money for babysitters to go out):
"If I come to yours for supper rather than go out in town, then I might miss the chance to meet my future husband, so I just don't want to. Let me know when you can come out again."
To be clear, this wasn't something I expected, it wasn't a regular thing. I thought maybe for one night, she would come over. But she never did. Or babysit. Or offered any support. She just talked about herself.

We aren't friends any more.

Why did you restart it then Margo? ZOMBIE

Posting without reading, but YANBU and Of course we're selfish! You do get that there are advantages to being childfree, don't you?! Most of which could be listed under 'Selfish', on a very long piece of paper.

I love my friends' kids - well, they're all grown up now, so I never see them - but there's no way I'd be converting my lifestyle into a childless version of a parent's life just to make my mates feel comfortable!

Oh, shit, it's yet another fucking zombie thread Why so many of these?