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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some parents are in denial

138 replies

stressedteacher · 18/04/2012 21:37

Not sure if I should post, I have name changed so nobody will know it is me (not that anyone here knows me personally anyway.)

I am a teacher, I teach Nursery / reception (Dcs age 3 to 5).
Yesterday afternoon, a boy who I shall call X was at the new TA's table. He got up and tried to run I said he musn't as we were doing work and so on.
I turned round and he did it againg the TA said that he had to sit down or he would be in the cool down corner. He said 'No way' and tried to run. TA took him to the corner and explained why he was there. TA then had to leave, so I got him from the corner, I explained why he was there he said sorry. However because he had been in the corner he has to move his picture into the 5 min board which shows he has 5 minute off his toy time on friday. He burst into tears at this.
It was the end of the day, the afterschool picked him up and he was still a little teary so I explained what had happened.

He was dropped off by his GP this morning who just nodded. X was fine he said sorry to the TA (of his own free will) and was his normal self for the rest of the day. At pick up his mum was the last to collect him. She stormed into the class and asked to have a word. She said I had over-reacted about her X's behaviour and I was picking on her Dc for no reason and so on. When she had collected her Dc yesterday the afterschool took her to one side and explained what happened. When she asked her Dc, he got all teary and said he wasn't doing anything and as she kept asking him he was saying I don't know.
So she was taking it up with me and I explained about 6 times what happened. Eventually she calmed down , she called X over and he said sheepishly that he did know what happened but he didn't want a telling off. His mum was all cuddly with him saying she would 'never tell him off'.
This all took about an hour.
I understand as parents we don't always want to think of our Dcs as having mis-behaved. But I don't need to have parents storming up to me because they think I am picking on darling little X or B or Y.
I have Dcs that I needed to pick up , so I was late for getting them which then throws the night time routine behind.

I except that I may be being unreasonable as I have had a bit of a stressful day anyway. But are do some people really not see that Dcs do understand things and they will try to get off without being yelled at by parents.
So aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedteacher · 18/04/2012 21:38

Yes i realise maybe my title should of said in denial about their Dcs.

OP posts:
MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 18/04/2012 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 18/04/2012 21:42

I totally agree

I'll probably be one of them so apologies in advance

manicbmc · 18/04/2012 21:42

She gave him a hug and said she would never tell him off after he had lied to her about his really bad behaviour?

Just be glad he's only in your class until he goes into year 1.

BellaOfTheBalls · 18/04/2012 21:45

YANBU.

DS1 is about the same age & is going into reception in September. He is a cheeky, bubbly, funny little boy although is yet to show any aptitude for anything other than making a mess. I am under no illusions that he can also be a right little shit challenging at times so I would not take issue with a teacher reprimanding him in a way that sounds pretty reasonable actually.

Original poster
stressedteacher · 18/04/2012 21:47

The time out + five minutes is part of the schools discipline action plan. If you have a time out you have to lose 5 minutes.

OP posts:
manicbmc · 18/04/2012 21:47

He was given plenty of warnings by the sound of it.

t0lk13n · 18/04/2012 21:48

I think teacher means he was running away from working so a little naughty....it may be ok when little but blooming harder work when the 'precious' ones get to comp and they expect their mums/dads etc to fight battles and have often phoned their parents to get them out of the holes they have dug by not doing work or detention. Very hard work!

Bohica · 18/04/2012 21:49

How funny! My DD will sometimes come out of school all teary because theteacher told her off/sent her out for talking and DD apparently did nothing wrong!!!

Lots of wailing and tears.

We then go home to de-stress and relax before homework and reading and I spend the whole time telling DD "Don't touch that" "Turn this way" "write on the line" "Where are you full stops"

Poor teacher, and I'm 3:1 so god knows how the teacher copes with a whole class of the little chatter boxes Grin

zeeboo · 18/04/2012 21:51

Regardless of That Mum and yes, she probably shouldnt have had a go at you over it, I'm just glad my kids aren't in your nursery. That sort of punishment is far too much for under 5's in my opinion and I can't stand humiliation 'discipline' like the 5 minute board. Punishment/discipline should be swift, appropriate and timely and in under 5's that should be immediate and not "on Friday"

Gumby · 18/04/2012 21:52

Sounds a bit harsh for preschool

OrmIrian · 18/04/2012 21:52

Ditto bohica!

TBH I think his teachers deserve a medal for not murdering him before now..... DH and I get close to it Wink

RandomMess · 18/04/2012 21:52

Yep some parents think their dc do nothing wrong ever, and the phrase that winds me up the most "my child wouldn't do that" yep that's why he got asked to leave a primary school in yr 4 Hmm

CaptainVonTrapp · 18/04/2012 21:52

I'm sure you're right about parents being in denial. But 5 mins off toy time on Friday?? IMHO 3 years old is too young to have a punishment set in the future having already had a time out. Do you have to do this because its in the action plan stressedteacher?

BurningBridges · 18/04/2012 21:52

Sounds like that mum over-reacted. Quite a lot. But why are you worried about it to post on here? The teachers I know all go on about how awful parents are so I would have assumed a situation like this would simply add to that collective idea, you'd discuss it with colleagues or family and then forget it - are you new to teaching? Do you have a "buddy" teacher that you can discuss it with if its worrying you?

Gumby · 18/04/2012 21:52

Agree with zeeboo

SurprisinglyCurvaceousPirate · 18/04/2012 21:53

YANBU at all and it's the parents like this (and there are far too many of them Sad) who put me off returning to the classroom.

They believe their children over the teacher every time, they shout at you in front of their children thus completely undermining you in future, and they don't enforce any discipline or boundaries at home.

It makes the teacher's job almost impossible Sad.

Don't know what the answer is - but you're not alone.

pinkappleby · 18/04/2012 21:53

YANBU but couldn't you have got rid of her earlier? An hour is ridiculous for this kind of thing? 'I'm sorry Mrs X, I've told you what has happened and we seem to be going round in circles. I was following the school's discipline action plan. If you still feel there's a problem after you've had time to reflect you are welcome to take it up with x (your boss)'.

manicbmc · 18/04/2012 21:54

I don't think anyone, in any line of work, deserves to have some woman giving them a verbal bashing. Especially when they are not in possession of all the facts.

BurningBridges · 18/04/2012 21:54

BTW - I agree with those saying punishment should be instant and relevant for primary and esp. for nursery - if you are dealing on Friday with things that happened on Wednesday that's a whole different problem. But it sounds like the mother wasn't concerned about that in particular, she just wanted you to know her child is not to be told off!

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2012 21:54

Are you not worried that the Mum might use MumsNet like so many Mums do and recognise herself/her DC?

I can't see your HT being best pleased to be honest.

Shagmundfreud · 18/04/2012 21:56

What is a five year old doing that necessitates sitting at a table 'working'?

Maybe this child is just too young for a classroom?

Debeez · 18/04/2012 21:58

YABU. Agree with Zeeboo about " humiliation 'discipline' ", I'd be having a word if you were posting a mug shot of my child for being naughty.

However Mother was also BU for shouting at you.

mayaswell · 18/04/2012 21:58

Also, can I just point out that it is should have not should of and accept not except.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 18/04/2012 21:59

YANBU.
I think the challenge for me would have been if this was in September, but the children (not matter how old they are!) have had time to get used to the rules of what happens at school.
It isn't great but you need to get your child to understand that these are the rules rather than storming in and shouting at the teacher.