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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think some parents are in denial

138 replies

stressedteacher · 18/04/2012 21:37

Not sure if I should post, I have name changed so nobody will know it is me (not that anyone here knows me personally anyway.)

I am a teacher, I teach Nursery / reception (Dcs age 3 to 5).
Yesterday afternoon, a boy who I shall call X was at the new TA's table. He got up and tried to run I said he musn't as we were doing work and so on.
I turned round and he did it againg the TA said that he had to sit down or he would be in the cool down corner. He said 'No way' and tried to run. TA took him to the corner and explained why he was there. TA then had to leave, so I got him from the corner, I explained why he was there he said sorry. However because he had been in the corner he has to move his picture into the 5 min board which shows he has 5 minute off his toy time on friday. He burst into tears at this.
It was the end of the day, the afterschool picked him up and he was still a little teary so I explained what had happened.

He was dropped off by his GP this morning who just nodded. X was fine he said sorry to the TA (of his own free will) and was his normal self for the rest of the day. At pick up his mum was the last to collect him. She stormed into the class and asked to have a word. She said I had over-reacted about her X's behaviour and I was picking on her Dc for no reason and so on. When she had collected her Dc yesterday the afterschool took her to one side and explained what happened. When she asked her Dc, he got all teary and said he wasn't doing anything and as she kept asking him he was saying I don't know.
So she was taking it up with me and I explained about 6 times what happened. Eventually she calmed down , she called X over and he said sheepishly that he did know what happened but he didn't want a telling off. His mum was all cuddly with him saying she would 'never tell him off'.
This all took about an hour.
I understand as parents we don't always want to think of our Dcs as having mis-behaved. But I don't need to have parents storming up to me because they think I am picking on darling little X or B or Y.
I have Dcs that I needed to pick up , so I was late for getting them which then throws the night time routine behind.

I except that I may be being unreasonable as I have had a bit of a stressful day anyway. But are do some people really not see that Dcs do understand things and they will try to get off without being yelled at by parents.
So aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedteacher · 18/04/2012 21:59

Yes I have to do it because it is the action plan and the whole school must follow it. I wouldn't do the same with my own Ds (3)

I am not compleatly new to teaching, however after ML I took a job at a new school closer to my Dcs so I could pick them up earlier so I don't no many of the teacher as they tend to have their own groups. Though some of the TAs are lovely

Thank you SurprisinglyCurvaceousPirate glad I am not alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedteacher · 18/04/2012 22:01

Sorry about the accept thing mayaswell I wasn't paying enough attention

OP posts:
JonahB · 18/04/2012 22:06

YANBU at all, but I sort of agree with Burning Bridges and Pinkappleby. Two of my closest friends are teachers and they tell me about the awful parents who think their DC's can do NO WRONG and NEVER LIE and come into schools guns blazing when someone has DARED to discipline their precious kids. It's because of them that whenever i talk to my DC's teachers (who all deserve a big gold medal) I always caveate any discussion with "this is what X says, but i realise that there is likely to be a strong element of embellishment from him' or 'this is HIS side of the story'. Maybe you are having a particularly bad day today or you are relatively new to teaching, but aren't irritating parents who only listen to their kids point of view par for the course? I realise that this doesn't make it right or any less stressful or horrid for you but Pinks approach seems good to me.
Sorry to hear you are having a bad day and yes, she is totally unreasonable.

BurningBridges · 18/04/2012 22:08

I'm a Parent Governor at DCs' primary school and staff do have this "buddying" system I mentioned, in fact they have various systems of mentoring and management in place to support staff. Its a big primary, something like 60 staff (not all at once!) and after something like that there would have been staff around to chat to, get a hug, laugh about it so that it wasn't an issue. Sounds like you don't have this sort of thing in place and that's a real shame. We're you actually alone whilst this was going on, no other teacher or TA in the room?

I do like the suggestion earlier in the thread about saying OK Mrs X we're not getting anywhere I have to go now but you can always talk it through with the head etc. The mother was way out of order, but your job is not made any easier by having a whole school "action plan" that allows for punishments days after the incident.

Rubirosa · 18/04/2012 22:12

Sounds like inappropriate work and inappropriate punishments for a class of 3-5 year olds.

SodoffBaldrick · 18/04/2012 22:13

We had this exact thread from the parent's perspective just a week or as ago. It did not go well. Grin

manicbmc · 18/04/2012 22:15

It's not clear how long the child was expected to sit for though. I'd reckon a child that age could manage 10 minutes with adult direction. It's good practice for when they are in year 1 and will have to sit for longer.

vess · 18/04/2012 22:16

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a 4 year old to sit down and do a group activity for a while. Most of what they do is free play anyway.

BurningBridges · 18/04/2012 22:22

Even though the expectations might be too high for children of this age, and I am not entirely sure they are, it sounds like StressedTeacher was doing her job properly, she will only have a certain amount of leeway in what she can change within her own classroom, why shouldn't she tell a child in her care to sit down and stay put? This teacher didn't do anything wrong, she can't start re-writing school policy on the spot! It sounds like the parent in question would have objected to anything.

manicbmc · 18/04/2012 22:23

What it comes down to is the fact that the child did not do what they were repeatedly asked to do. You cannot run a classroom and let children dictate what they will and won't do. It just doesn't work.

whomovedmychocolate · 18/04/2012 22:27

I'm going against the majority here I know but actually a kid in that situation really needs firm discipline from the school because clearly he's not getting it at home. Good on ya OP.

I would not have spent an hour explaining though. I'd have cut it short and said 'thank you for telling me how you feel, it's good to speak to a parent and now it's all resolved I'm looking forward to seeing the annoying twerp child tomorrow' and walked off.

But then I'm a big old meanie (apparently).

ilovesooty · 18/04/2012 22:28

SodoffBaldrick I was thinking exactly the same thing.

tethersend · 18/04/2012 22:37

"Punishment/discipline should be swift, appropriate and timely and in under 5's that should be immediate and not "on Friday""

Couldn't agree more- the policy is completely inappropriate. It will make it difficult to differentiate between parents who believe their little angel can do no wrong, and parents with reasonable objections to this ridiculous policy.

MrsBovary · 18/04/2012 22:38

I agree with Zeebo and others. It sounds like quite harsh punishment for preschool, actually.

aftereight · 18/04/2012 22:42

YABU to be a teacher yet unable to spell.
Otherwise YANBU but maybe you could head off such parents by speaking to them first, before they come back to you.

Yellowtip · 18/04/2012 22:45

Agree about the spelling posts, OP you're a teacher.

On the silly time out front for a child this young YABU or your school is. Absurd.

manicbmc · 18/04/2012 22:46

How could she speak to the parent? The parent didn't pick the child up that day and a GP dropped him off the next morning. It wasn't as if it was a major incident that would warrant a call to a parent.

TrollopDollop · 18/04/2012 22:46

If what you say is true then YANBU in thinking that some parent are in denial. However, what is more unreasonable is you coming on here and airing this issue on a public forum. Surely this woman could identify herself from what you have said. You are a professional and should behave like one.

And your grammar is shite.

HalfPastWine · 18/04/2012 22:54

Trollop harsh

Yellowtip · 18/04/2012 22:56

But Half could OP really be a teacher with so many spelling mistakes? They can't all be typos.

southeastastra · 18/04/2012 22:57

you have a 'cool' corner for 3-5 year olds? sorry that's bonkers

agree with trollop too, would not discuss this on a public forum

Memoo · 18/04/2012 23:02

Having worked in the foundation stage myself I think your punishment was way over the top.
Sending a child to stand in the corner?!
Ofsted would have a field day if they saw that in action.

Memoo · 18/04/2012 23:03

Tbh, and I'm sure I'll get deleted, I think this is complete bollocks.

nailak · 18/04/2012 23:05

there is a big difference between 3 and five, if the child was 5 then i think that it is reasonable, but at 3 they dont understand, and they shouldnt be expected to sit down and work!!!

what sort of school is this?
and why are 3 year olds together with 5 year olds? it is like prenursery being with year ones, just barmy.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 18/04/2012 23:05

Agree with Trollop - completely.

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