to think some parents are in denial

[stressedteacher]

Not sure if I should post, I have name changed so nobody will know it is me (not that anyone here knows me personally anyway.)

I am a teacher, I teach Nursery / reception (Dcs age 3 to 5).
Yesterday afternoon, a boy who I shall call X was at the new TA's table. He got up and tried to run I said he musn't as we were doing work and so on.
I turned round and he did it againg the TA said that he had to sit down or he would be in the cool down corner. He said 'No way' and tried to run. TA took him to the corner and explained why he was there. TA then had to leave, so I got him from the corner, I explained why he was there he said sorry. However because he had been in the corner he has to move his picture into the 5 min board which shows he has 5 minute off his toy time on friday. He burst into tears at this.
It was the end of the day, the afterschool picked him up and he was still a little teary so I explained what had happened.

He was dropped off by his GP this morning who just nodded. X was fine he said sorry to the TA (of his own free will) and was his normal self for the rest of the day. At pick up his mum was the last to collect him. She stormed into the class and asked to have a word. She said I had over-reacted about her X's behaviour and I was picking on her Dc for no reason and so on. When she had collected her Dc yesterday the afterschool took her to one side and explained what happened. When she asked her Dc, he got all teary and said he wasn't doing anything and as she kept asking him he was saying I don't know.
So she was taking it up with me and I explained about 6 times what happened. Eventually she calmed down , she called X over and he said sheepishly that he did know what happened but he didn't want a telling off. His mum was all cuddly with him saying she would 'never tell him off'.
This all took about an hour.
I understand as parents we don't always want to think of our Dcs as having mis-behaved. But I don't need to have parents storming up to me because they think I am picking on darling little X or B or Y.
I have Dcs that I needed to pick up , so I was late for getting them which then throws the night time routine behind.

I except that I may be being unreasonable as I have had a bit of a stressful day anyway. But are do some people really not see that Dcs do understand things and they will try to get off without being yelled at by parents.
So aibu?

As I said in a previous post my brother was totally and utterly cosseted by mum from the moment he was born. He is now 44 and has never left home, never held down a job, never paid a bill, she still buys all his clothes etc etc.

It is pathetic and tragic to watch her still defending him when he has jacked in/been sacked from yet another job, "Well, the boss never liked him".

I live in a time warp. I wish the teachers had been a lot harder with him from day one and not caved in to my mother's ludicrous demands.

Queenmarigold - nothing useful is ever achieved by storming in and shouting the odds without knowing the facts. The parent wasn't raging because she disagreed with the form of the punishment - she was raging because her ds had told her he'd done nothing wrong whatsoever - and instead of taking the time to ask calmly what had happened, she stormed in and made a tit of herself.

In a similar situation you would be far better off to have a calm chat with the teacher, find out the facts, reinforce to your child that, yes, they DO have to sit down and do as the teacher tells them in class, and then make an appointment with the head to discuss your concerns about using a cool down corner.

I also wonder if you are projecting a bit from your nursery experience. If this sort of naughty chair is used in a nasty way, like a dunce's hat, to humiliate a child, then I agree that it is utterly wrong. But if it is done calmly, in a 'you need to sit down and calm down for a minute or two' before discussing with the child what they did wrong, and how they should behave in the future - and as long as there is no sense of humiliation about it, then I think that is OK. What I am saying is that it doesn't have to be humiliating.

And the teacher does need some immediate way to apply a consequence when there is bad behaviour - because just ignoring it will not make it go away, it will just get worse and worse, spread further into the class, and then no-one's children will be getting the education they need and deserve, because the teacher is just doing crowd control.

It's fair enough (and necessary) to have consequences for children at school. They do have to learn to fit into work environments. But I think the issue is how it was dealt with. As I see it, the child was put on time out, then after time out finished, he was genuinely apologetic and contrite, only to be told he has an extra punishment to add to the time out.

That is wrong imo.

I would agree with you there, perception. That, I think, is a matter to take up with the head - the consequences need to be age-appropriate, and as I've already said, I don't think that the second punishment was. Loss of 'Golden time' at the end of the day would be better.

Op was following the schools discipline procedure of which the parent would have been aware of, our school sends home information on its discipline/behaviour procedure if there are any changes and we are asked to contact if we are not happy so IMO parent would have been in agreement of policy.

I think parents need to realise how scary it is to look after like 30 of other peoples kids,

you sounded fairly reasonalbe to me

mines not yet in school but I have no illusions that 'sit still' isnt in my sons vocabulary.

I dont think looking after thirty children sounds scary, challenging but not scary - i just think that the punishment given was disproportionate with the crime to be fair. As do a lot of postors here. I would suggest, Hoebag that if you think it is a scary prospect then a career in childcare wouldnt be for you. ~Its not for me either, but id not be scared, just crap

I think it must be really frustrating when parents question you telling off a child but I would be very upset in my child was punished in that way at pre-school. She sounds like she overreacted given the situation and sounds a bit unreasonable. If she genuinely thought the punishment was too harsh she should have said that rather than that her DS didn't do anything wrong and you were picking on him.

Surely just 'time out' or 'cool off' punishment should be enough at that age and then move on. It depend on the age 3-4 at nursery or age 5 in reception. Even so a punishment should be carried out there and then at such a young age.

At DS1s infant school (no nursery age children) they do a daily behaviour board which they move up and down on during the day but they all go back to the middle of it 1st thing the following morning, they wouldn't carry out a punishment 2 days later for something, what incentive would they have to bother to behave for the next 2 days! I am heavily involved in setting the behaviour policies at my pre-school and this heavy handed punishment is definitely not encouraged as it is OTT.

I think both you and the parent were being unreasonable but understand you hands may be tied if it is your schools policy to punish children in this way for minor offences!

My DS started nursery school on Monday and I had to 'stay and play' for two afternoons. I saw DS thump another child and made sure the teacher knew it was completely unprovoked.

DS had a minute time-out and was made to apologise, but the teacher actually apologised to me for telling him off!

Would some parents really feel the teacher was unfair? Even if I'd not seen DS hit the other child, I'd still believe he'd done it, her can be a grumpy little chap when he's tired.

When I say 'telling off' I mean she very gently explained about 'kind hands' and 'unkind hands' and the importance of being nice to our friends. I felt like I'd fallen into a disney film.

See I understand your point and parents who question every punishment given at school are a massive pain in the arse.

But I think it also shows here that formal ' sitting down at a table' for SOME under 5s is simply cruel.

No country starts formal education as young as we do And it's disastrous for some children.

No punishment for an under 10 should be in the future IMO, very strange policy.

I have a no run rule in my house(cm) but if kids seem restless we do dance, outside play or aerobics.

Ht should warn mom about her behaviour.

The time out /loss of 5 mins play seems fair enough to me and one an older group of Reception age children can easily follow. If parents don't agree with the school's action plan then they can lobby to change it or change schools.

Our school's policy is that you must make an appointment to speak to teaching staff and that it is inappropriate to try to do so at drop off or pick up. Frequent text and news letter reminders are sent out. Some parents will always expect to do as they please - some days the children cannot get through the door as it is blocked by the same people everyday. Expecting the teaching staff to be available for an hour after school is unacceptable.

I would be happy to arrange a meeting with my DS there - I think this should be done in advance.

Agree to disagree , boring nickname.

your own children you feel more comfortable and gage situations better when you have lots of different children and temperments even the simpliest sitation can be hard work.

simpliest situation*