Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to think some parents are in denial

138 replies

stressedteacher · 18/04/2012 21:37

Not sure if I should post, I have name changed so nobody will know it is me (not that anyone here knows me personally anyway.)

I am a teacher, I teach Nursery / reception (Dcs age 3 to 5).
Yesterday afternoon, a boy who I shall call X was at the new TA's table. He got up and tried to run I said he musn't as we were doing work and so on.
I turned round and he did it againg the TA said that he had to sit down or he would be in the cool down corner. He said 'No way' and tried to run. TA took him to the corner and explained why he was there. TA then had to leave, so I got him from the corner, I explained why he was there he said sorry. However because he had been in the corner he has to move his picture into the 5 min board which shows he has 5 minute off his toy time on friday. He burst into tears at this.
It was the end of the day, the afterschool picked him up and he was still a little teary so I explained what had happened.

He was dropped off by his GP this morning who just nodded. X was fine he said sorry to the TA (of his own free will) and was his normal self for the rest of the day. At pick up his mum was the last to collect him. She stormed into the class and asked to have a word. She said I had over-reacted about her X's behaviour and I was picking on her Dc for no reason and so on. When she had collected her Dc yesterday the afterschool took her to one side and explained what happened. When she asked her Dc, he got all teary and said he wasn't doing anything and as she kept asking him he was saying I don't know.
So she was taking it up with me and I explained about 6 times what happened. Eventually she calmed down , she called X over and he said sheepishly that he did know what happened but he didn't want a telling off. His mum was all cuddly with him saying she would 'never tell him off'.
This all took about an hour.
I understand as parents we don't always want to think of our Dcs as having mis-behaved. But I don't need to have parents storming up to me because they think I am picking on darling little X or B or Y.
I have Dcs that I needed to pick up , so I was late for getting them which then throws the night time routine behind.

I except that I may be being unreasonable as I have had a bit of a stressful day anyway. But are do some people really not see that Dcs do understand things and they will try to get off without being yelled at by parents.
So aibu?

OP posts:

HalfPastWine · 18/04/2012 23:07

But Half could OP really be a teacher with so many spelling mistakes?

Well yes, I believe she might be. Might explain some of the standards in schools these days!

TrollopDollop · 18/04/2012 23:16

Harsh? I don't think so. It is not appopriate to use a parents forum as a place for teachers to 'talk' about the parents/children in their class. It undermines their profession. I can't imagine the OP going into the HT office tomorrow morning and saying " guess what, I had a rubbish day yesterday so last night I went on mumsnet to let off a bit of steam.Whilst doing so I made it very clear who that parent and child was to anyone involved."

I am sure there are some stupidly annoying parents out there who are deluded beyond reason and don't know how to behave. But thats part of the job. There are also alot of teachers who can't spell and choose to air their grievances on parents forum of all places.

Ridiculous, inappropriate and unprofessional

gobbledegook1 · 18/04/2012 23:27

YANBU.

The woman was clearly in denial and kids can be very devious when they want to be. I don't think I'd have hung about for an hour I'd have explained once and if she didn't like it tough.

No issue with the time out or a telling off but do agree with others that a punishment for a future date is not ideal for a child of that age group however that is the school's policy and not your own so you can't really be blamed as you were just following procedure and if a parent raised issue over it I'd tell them you don't make the rules just follow them and to moan at the head.

Ref the spelling and grammar, I've seen far worse. My son's teachers have to write in his home/school diary everyday stating what he's done & how he's been and the spelling and grammar of some of them is appalling and often makes me wonder how they can teach kids spelling and grammar when they can't even do it themselves, I have also frequently known them to use the wrong variation of a words such a 'there & their'.

blackeyedsusan · 19/04/2012 00:10

I am under no illusions that the head is going to have my number on speed dial.

oh well, at least it will speed up the referal

anonymosity · 19/04/2012 00:20

I agree that it sounds too harsh. Isn't it generally considered that one punishment that results in an apology, is enough? The school should revisit their plan and do either "stand in the corner" OR "5 mins off play" - but its also argued that by taking away play time for boys is completely counter-productive. They NEED to run off steam during playtime in order to have a better chance of behaving in class thereafter. That said, I don't think the mum handled it very well.

Mspontipine · 19/04/2012 00:20

I have Dcs that I needed to pick up , so I was late for getting them which then throws the night time routine behind.

You cannot blame her for this.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 19/04/2012 00:31

Actually, I have a fair bit of sympathy for the OP.

When my dc moan at me about some "unfair" thing that happened at school, I back the teacher. If it does sound unreasonable, I would then call the school, or politely ask the teacher at pick-up if I could arrange a time to speak to him or her, preferably without the child. I would never presume to take up an hour of a teacher's time immediately after school. And yes, I would blame the parent (were I the teacher) for holding up her own dc's pick-up. The parent does not own the teacher's time out of school hours.

If the policy seems harsh, it should be addressed to the HT, who presumably set it, not the teacher who has to implement it- what is to be gained by shouting at the teacher? She can't change the policy.

differentnameforthis · 19/04/2012 04:25

Can I just point out tho, that you have punished him twice? Sending him to time out & taking away some of his toy time, that is pretty harsh for a 5 yr old, imo.

differentnameforthis · 19/04/2012 04:30

Just realised that you said to 3 -5...that is VERY harsh for that age group.

Cathycomehome · 19/04/2012 05:13

I'm in agreement with memoo. And I've never known a teacher with such bad grammar either.

sunnydelight · 19/04/2012 05:20

I think some of the responses on here make it clear that there are plenty of parents out there in denial, I'm guessing they will probably be the ones complaining about a general lack of discipline in schools a few years down the line.

I would never expect an hour of a teacher's time after school - at ours the correct procedure is to e-mail or leave a message that you want to see the teacher and they will come back to you with an appointment time, or phone you if it's urgent. Some parents think that the only important thing in life is their kids, and never stop to think that the teacher has a life too. I am SO glad I'm not a teacher!

Mrsjay · 19/04/2012 09:14

she sounds a nightmare tbh yes i do think parents are in denial about their childrens behaviour and i also think some parents still think a 4 yr old is just a baby I have worked with children on and off for 22 years and i have seen a huge change in the wat people parent some things are fab some not so much , 4 year old seemed alot maturer when i first started I see3/ 4 year olds these days with baby cups and nappies and parents babytalking them , how is that setting a child up for going to school

ll31 · 19/04/2012 09:21

think op is not bu. Agree some parents are in complete denial. Dont think punishment is unreasonable tbh - presumably that is the policy in school.

Think posters are being unreasonable re ops grammar etc - for a start I'd never judge anyones grammar or spelling based on what they post on the web - surely most people - maybe just me - post and run and don't really care if there's mistakes/mistyping etc - whereas doing something in work, at home I'd be far more careful!

cornsyilk · 19/04/2012 09:29

If the parent recognises herself and her dc being discussed on here by her child's teacher she will have grounds for a complaint.

pingu2209 · 19/04/2012 09:35

I think ALL parents are in denial about their children in one way or another. This doesn't end when they are children - parents are in denial of their grown up children too.

Some parents are in denial of their children in that they think they are WORSE than they are. Many are in denial in that they can't see their child as doing anything wrong or that they are more intelligent than they are etc.

This is a NORMAL thought process for a parent. As a teacher I would have thought you would know that and just accept it as a pain in the arse part of the job.

mayorquimby · 19/04/2012 09:35

jesus wept, an hour? of your own time because some mother was acting the twat?
Exactly why I could never be a teacher and why I don't miss coaching in schools one bit.

ButteryBiscuitBase · 19/04/2012 09:38

The mum was in the wrong for the way she reacted. She should have phoned and discussed when her son was out of earshot or come to collect him with someone else to wait outside with her son. She should not have discussed it with you the teacher in front of him especially if she was going to undermine/disagree with you! The message he will get is when he is told off by the teachers his mum will disagree with them and take his side. If my dd comes out and she has been told off I appear united with the teacher. If I privately disagree I would ring and discuss it.

The punishment imo was a bit excessive and agree with whoever said it should be immediately given and not prolonged. What if on friday he was really well behaved and still missed out on toytime? He is probably a bit young to fully understand it all. The mums issue is with the schools discipline/reward policy so maybe if it happens again re-direct her to the head or deputy to challenge the policies in place as they don't seem age appropriate to me!

PurpleRomanesco · 19/04/2012 09:38

What a stupid punishment. "On Friday" mean nothing to most 3-5 year olds and most will have forgotten by the time their second punishment gets put into place.

Doesn't that cause more agro and stress for both you and the children when Friday comes along and you have to bring up what happened on Tuesday? I'm sure it's very disruptive.

whatsallthehullaballoo · 19/04/2012 09:40

I completely understand that some parents can being denial about their child's behaviour when not with parents. I have worked with preschool aged children for some time now and I do think that the school is being over disciplinarian in terms of the children that are 3years old. However, as already stated by others, there is a big difference between a 3 year old and a 5 year old!

OP- the parent sounds like she took everything as a personal insult! You stood your ground. However, I do not have to envy you having to enforce those rules with such young children. I say this as a very strict childcare provider, I set boundaries very early on and rarely have to use a 'time-out' space. Unless it is for my own son.....then it is a whole different kettle of fish

ButteryBiscuitBase · 19/04/2012 09:41

So forgot to say I think yanbu about mothers behaviour but your schools behaviour management policy is a bit crap! OP do u agree with the policy or are you just following the rules?

echt · 19/04/2012 09:43

What does it matter whether the OP agrees with the school rules or not? Her job is to toe the school's line.

ButteryBiscuitBase · 19/04/2012 09:46

It doesn't matter I was just curious to know how she felt about it.

PurpleRomanesco · 19/04/2012 09:47

Well she shouldn't be surprised if it pisses some parents off.

manicbmc · 19/04/2012 09:50

Which still doesn't give a parent the right to go into school, all guns blazing. The parent has done herself no favours. Her card is now marked as trouble and she will, very likely, not be taken seriously in the future because of her behaviour.

LeQueen · 19/04/2012 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread