to think jailbird dp is bein selfish

[sickofshittynappies]

my dp is in prison and for the past week has been doin my head right in maybe im just frustrated at the situation or is he just bein selfish? all he does is moan that hes stressed and that he needs money or new clothes etc etc ive explained to him that dts also needs all this stuff and i cant do it all they have to come first he then trys to guilt me into giving into him by saying i would be there for him and help him when he needs it and if i loved him i would aibu or is there any women that would do this for their dp in this situation?

and please ladies i dont really need a bashing tonight i know hes a plank but hes my plank nd i love him.

And if he signs on when he gets out I'm sure his immediate referral to the Work Programme will help him find work. Maybe.

No I would not give him money. Children first.

thank you for the advice but to be honest i wasn't really looking for it i was simply asking a question i had no intent of sending him anything more than what i already do as like many of u have pointed out i cant afford to and must put my children first which is what i have been doing and will continue to do so.

@dogshit if you read my last post you will see that i have not taken this situation lightly and have made it quite clear to him that he has to change or not be apart of mine or our childrens lives i do believe in second chances and not just giving up on someone because they have a problem or have been in trouble were not married but correct me if im wrong but in most wedding vows does'nt it say for better for worse richer for poorer in sickness and in health

it doesnt mention anywhere, in crime and in honesty does it.

This isnt his first offence, he is down for a fair while. He has a pattern of offending. Personally, I would have nothing to do with him, but surely the DCs would be better off if he went elsewhere when he comes out and proves himself before you let him back, rather than the other way around.

Fair enough, if you've thought it through and made your decision then I wish you well.

It's just that sometimes we need an outside perspective on our situation in order to see it for what it is. I know I did.

It's not up to anyone else, only you can decide how many chances is enough. As long as you ensure your children don't end up following the same path as their parents in the way you have then it's nobody's business but your own.

Good luck and don't be afraid to come back on if you want to ask anymore questions in the future. Regardless of whether you take the advice or not there will always be people here more than willing to listen to you.

no i dont think it does say that but the way i interpret those words are clearly different to the way you do and what do you mean by DCs would be better off if he went elsewhere when he comes out and proves himself before you let him back, rather than the other way around

thank you im sure ill be back.

what do I mean, well when he comes out, dont have him back to the family home, he can move in somewhere else, you can spend time as a family, but in separate homes, and he can "prove" that he isnt involved in petty crime or with drugs anymore, say for a year.

Then once you are 100% sure he is clean and on the "straight and narrow" so to speak, then he could move back in.

The DCs are used to him not being there now, surely it is fairer to them, that he proves himself, than he moves straight back in, then lets you all down again.

Might give him some incentive as well, rather than you just having him straight back.

well i think that if you have a look back through the thread then you will see this is what i plan to do so again thanx for the advice

sorry I missed that, you sound like you have your head screwed on = Good Luck.

well and truly bolted :-)

Ah - just the straight question - in that case YANBU.

sickofshittynappies, YANBU to think your DP is being selfish (and on soooo many levels ... )

You said that all he does is moan that he's stressed and that he needs new money/clothes, and that he tries to guilt you into compliance by saying that if you loved him you would give him these things. Well, two can play at that game. Next time he starts up, tell him that if he loved his children he'd prefer THEM to get new clothes rather than him; and that if he loved you he wouldn't be doing drugs and getting in trouble with the law. Just fling it straight back in his face. He is an adult, and should be putting his children first. If he doesn't then he is just a selfish loser.

And as for moaning about being stressed - don't even let him open his mouth on that one before you've said your piece about being stressed rearing children as a single mother because of his stupidity with drugs, stressed with money worries of being the sole provider for the children, stressed with tiredness because he's not there to share the load and most of all stressed with his moaning and to shut the fuck up because he's being taken care of right now and you are not. That should leave him spluttering for a bit.

I do like WhereYouLeftIt's reply :)

[email protected] like your in my head i had a very mad angry rant at him this morning about just that and he hung up on me the dik i just hope it got through that thick skull of his

Why do women always love the bad boys and think they can change them?

no one can change a bad boy but themselves