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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think jailbird dp is bein selfish

167 replies

sickofshittynappies · 16/04/2012 22:57

my dp is in prison and for the past week has been doin my head right in maybe im just frustrated at the situation or is he just bein selfish? all he does is moan that hes stressed and that he needs money or new clothes etc etc ive explained to him that dts also needs all this stuff and i cant do it all they have to come first he then trys to guilt me into giving into him by saying i would be there for him and help him when he needs it and if i loved him i would aibu or is there any women that would do this for their dp in this situation?

and please ladies i dont really need a bashing tonight i know hes a plank but hes my plank nd i love him.

OP posts:
Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 17/04/2012 00:30

@birds yes very clear as i wont put my dts through it.

i think he has or had a problem but not big enough for me to notice at the time i know addicts hide their addictions very well.

were hoping probation can help him find a job as it will be alot harder now he has a record to find one

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsTootTootToots · 17/04/2012 00:32

Maybe he could spend less time moaning about needing money on the hone, wasting his phone credit, and therefore won't need any more money?

ilovesooty · 17/04/2012 00:33

Is he on remand or has he been convicted? Remand prisoners get to wear their own clothes. I take it he must be on remand if you're hpong he'll be out in a month or two.

And no - as someone who works with Class A offenders I wouldn't be giving him any extra money.

ilovesooty · 17/04/2012 00:33

hoping - sorry

garlicnutter · 17/04/2012 00:42

Gosh, it's gone down since my day. OP, I'm afraid he's being quite staggeringly self-centred and irresponsible by asking you to stump up for him while he's in prison. He knows how much you've got coming in, how much isn't now coming in from his job and his dealing, and what his family costs to run. A decent man wouldn't even ask unless he was sure you had plenty of spare.

This must be really hard for you - and I'd guess he's being bullied to try & get stuff from you. You can't even let that start, as it will never stop and you'll end up seeing your children suffer.

If he keeps to the rules, he'll be out pretty fast and you'll then need to think about whether he's grown up enough. For the time, though, focus on yourself and DC. Making your family stable & safe is more valuable than supplying shiny things to criminals. Valuable for him, as well as you.

Can I ask, was it a party drug like coke? Crack, heroin, opiates much harder to quit.

OhdearNigel · 17/04/2012 00:42

OP -a gram is literally a gram of weight.

Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 17/04/2012 00:42

no hes been sentenced already

OP posts:
Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 17/04/2012 00:47

can i just make it clear he was not a dealer and i was not living off any profits from drug dealing and to answer your question garlic it was coke he has had help with his addiction in prison

OP posts:
OhdearNigel · 17/04/2012 00:49

will he have access to any help when he is released ? IME this is the most dangerous time for recovering addicts

Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 17/04/2012 01:00

yes his probation officer has arranged for him to see a drugs councillor once a week.

OP posts:
Everythingsgoingtitsup · 17/04/2012 01:03

Sorry but probation is not an employment agency. I am a probation officer, my role is to ensure as best I can that offenders do not reoffends or cause harm to the public. If he has basic literacy problems he might get a course offered but that's it. Unless he was sentenced to over 12 months he won't be supervised by probation on release anyway. There isn't a pool of jobs waiting for offenders to be placed in to by probation!

Everythingsgoingtitsup · 17/04/2012 01:04

So he got over 12 months?

bobbledunk · 17/04/2012 01:06

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MyDogShitsShoes · 17/04/2012 01:08

op I feel for you I really do, it must be an unbearable situation.

However you are either terribly naive or not telling the whole story.

As was said before you don't get a custodial sentence for having "s bit of coke for him and his mate"

He was either properly dealing or it wasn't his first offence.

That doesn't make me feel any less sorry for you and your children but it does put a slightly different slant on it.

Forget giving him money, that much is obvious but I think your main concern needs to be what happens when he's released. "i think he's had help" isn't enough.

Please don't spend time defending yourself to people, think of yours and your children's future. Make some real decisions about what boundaries you will put in place. That's what's important.

Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 17/04/2012 01:14

i was not impling that the probation service was an employment agency so i dont know where u got that from everything i dont know the ins and outs but is'nt it your job to help offenders to not re offend if thats not the case then why do we have probation officers

OP posts:
doihavetonamechange · 17/04/2012 01:20

do people in prison have mobile phones?? Thats a serious question btw.

ilovesooty · 17/04/2012 01:21

If he's been sentenced for PWITS surely he won't be out in a few months - unless he's been in for quite a long time already.

With regard to work on release he needs a referral to the nearest National Careers Service advisor - his local job centre will have details. My drug intervention programme has the service in house - I'm the advisor, but on the whole the advisors are to be found in job centres.

ilovesooty · 17/04/2012 01:22

No - mobile phones are not allowed in prisons.

Everythingsgoingtitsup · 17/04/2012 01:23

You said you were hoping probation would help him find a job. If employment is assessed as a criminogenic need, i.e. your DP offended for financial gain because he didn't have a job then yes, that would be something to work on. Otherwise no, it wouldn't be a focus of supervision. Sounds more like his addiction and decision making skills need work.
He's not being straight with you if he's not able to give you a clear release date either, if he's serving over 12 months (in fact any sentence) comes with a clear release date. The only variable would be if you are waiting for a hdc decision.

doihavetonamechange · 17/04/2012 01:25

Its just the OP says he is using her money for phone credit, Id be horrified if prisoners have mobile phones inside.

Everythingsgoingtitsup · 17/04/2012 01:27

Prisoners buy phone cards with credit on to use in prison phones. However smuggled in mobiles are not at all unusual. I don't think this is what the op means though.

Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 17/04/2012 01:33

i simply ment that he may be able to put him contact with some agencies i did not mean fro him to run around for him just simply to help which is what i thought u did

OP posts:
Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 17/04/2012 01:34

and god no i didnt mean mobile phone

OP posts:
Everythingsgoingtitsup · 17/04/2012 01:40

Glad I cleared that up for you then, op. To answer your original question, no I would not supply more money. Agitating for money suggests ongoing drug use or possibly bullying (him being blokes) to me. He won't be spending it on clothes, unless he's in open conditions as a convicted prisoner he'll be in uniform.

Everythingsgoingtitsup · 17/04/2012 01:41

Blokes? Bullied I mean.

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