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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think jailbird dp is bein selfish

167 replies

sickofshittynappies · 16/04/2012 22:57

my dp is in prison and for the past week has been doin my head right in maybe im just frustrated at the situation or is he just bein selfish? all he does is moan that hes stressed and that he needs money or new clothes etc etc ive explained to him that dts also needs all this stuff and i cant do it all they have to come first he then trys to guilt me into giving into him by saying i would be there for him and help him when he needs it and if i loved him i would aibu or is there any women that would do this for their dp in this situation?

and please ladies i dont really need a bashing tonight i know hes a plank but hes my plank nd i love him.

OP posts:
BonkeyMollocks · 16/04/2012 23:26

If my dh was in for drugs, he would no longer be my dh!

5318008 · 16/04/2012 23:26

I think OP should bake a Pound Cake

ImperialBlether · 16/04/2012 23:27

Mine neither. And if he wanted money that could go on the kids, he wouldn't be mine either.

Angelico · 16/04/2012 23:27

Why OP? Just... why? Confused :(

TheSecondComing · 16/04/2012 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5318008 · 16/04/2012 23:29

Oh dear

Is he wanting money to deal inside?

Fecklessdizzy · 16/04/2012 23:30

Bin him. He sounds like an utter twat.

ImperialBlether · 16/04/2012 23:31

It's not the first time he's been inside, is it, OP?

How does he treat you?

BonkeyMollocks · 16/04/2012 23:32

Tbh I think you may find that he will be back in prison not long after he gets out. Sadley drugs, be it taking/dealing is a tough thing to stop.
The freedom of being out again is too much temptation for most.

OhdearNigel · 16/04/2012 23:34

What exactly do you think he is doing with your £10 a week, OP ? Buying chocolate ? Seriously ? He wants you to bring him clothes etc so he can flog them to the other prisoners so he can buy more of what he's there for

Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 16/04/2012 23:35

i'm not condoning drugs or the fact he had them but it was'nt like he was a major dealer it was for him and his friend.

@ bobble i chose to breed with my plank as i love him and we wanted to have children is that ok with u?

OP posts:
TheDetective · 16/04/2012 23:37

He wants the money for drugs. Or the clothes or whatever to pay for the drugs.

I would imagine.

OhdearNigel · 16/04/2012 23:37

I'm in the police. I have never known anyone to get a custodial sentence for a bit of dealing to his friend. Especially a prison term of several months.

BonkeyMollocks · 16/04/2012 23:37

It was enough to put him inside though OP

Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 16/04/2012 23:40

yes it is the first time he has been in prison and i am damn sure he wont be goin back yes he is clean well i hope he is.

he has always treated me very well and i dont think he wants to flog any clothes to get drugs or anthing else and the money i send him he puts on phone credit

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 16/04/2012 23:41

If he is out in such a short space of time, then i wouldn't struggle to get him clothes.

If you cannot afford any more than you are giving him, then don't increase it.

It doesn't sound as though this experience is changing him in any way, if you want it to, you will have to stick to your guns and not give in.

TheSecondComing · 16/04/2012 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 16/04/2012 23:45

I'll give you one thing op, this is the first original thread on mumsnet in a good long while.

Why on earth would you even consider sending him more money, money that you need for your children???

Why in gods name would you even stay with someone who would willingly put themselves in a position to risk a custodial sentence???

And worst of all, how could you want to be with someone who puts their own needs above their childs needs...i honestly dont get that, I cannot think of a less attractive quality.

I feel very sorry for your children Sad

LaurieFairyCake · 16/04/2012 23:45

I'm curious - would you get rid of him if he went back inside for committing crimes again ? Is this really a one shot deal for you?

Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 16/04/2012 23:45

@nigel it was class a and what he was charged with was possesion with intent to supply to one other or something like that cant quite remember but im sure u may know what that means

OP posts:
Happydogsaddog · 16/04/2012 23:47

If he was outside then he would be supporting himself, surely he has a job whereby there's an opportunity to earn money himself. As long as he has a few outfits to alternate there's no point in sending him in loads of clothes, especially when his release is so near now. Just stay firm, as you would with a child, budget for your children and household then whatever's left is your "available" money. I've been in situation many times, there's a website called emailaprisoner which is cheaper than posting letters (saves on your stamps) and send him in stamps and stationary which will save on his 'canteen' money. HTH Smile

Original poster
sickofshittynappies · 16/04/2012 23:47

yes @laurie im not one of those women who will waste their life away waiting for a man in prison sorry if that causes offence to anyone

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 16/04/2012 23:49

Even if he treats you really well he has still committed crimes and voluntarily left his children - however you put this he is a terrible father and role model.

I feel so sorry for you, I'm one of those children and thought my mother was a fucking idiot. Barlinnie jail is not a cheerful place for an 8 year old - or at least it wasn't at the beginning of the 80's.

Seriously, consider your life.

BonkeyMollocks · 16/04/2012 23:49

@nigel it was class a and what he was charged with was possesion with intent to supply to one other or something like that cant quite remember but im sure u may know what that means

Then surely he must have had more on him, than 'just for him and his mate' Confused

Do it once then can do it again!

LaurieFairyCake · 16/04/2012 23:50

X-posted. Good to hear he won't get a second chance.