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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

vegan mum at kids party was rude?

399 replies

DoozerDrift · 15/04/2012 20:42

Took DS to a young child's birthday party at soft play today, and there was a vegan mum with her DC there. When it came to cake time, there was no vegan cake, so the mum gave her DC a chocolate lollipop out of her bag.

OK, her DC seemed happy with the situation and asked to hosts to check what was and wasn't vegan. So no problem there I don't think (although I'll bet my bottom dollar they'll rebel and live on bacon sandwiches when they're old enough to ignore their mum!)

BUT AIBU to think that taking separate treats to a party is A) rude to the hosts and B) unfair to the other children at the party who might prefer what the vegan DC are eating?

OP posts:

Metabilis3 · 15/04/2012 22:13

@pixel I find that.......odd. Every vegan I know (and obviously, as a vegan myself I do know quite a few others. We seek each other out. Like the freaks of nature we are) is VERY careful to make sure that party hosts know their children are vegan, so as to avoid the children being given wrong food. I find it very difficult to believe any vegan parent would not tell a par host this pretty vital information until drop off and then 'leg it's immediately.

MightyNice · 15/04/2012 22:13

I would rather have a mouthful of Wogan's cock than any orangey chocolate thing, yuk.

Pixel · 15/04/2012 22:16

Well I'm not making it up .

TiggyD · 15/04/2012 22:17

Terry Wogan's cock. Not suitable for vegans.

azzae · 15/04/2012 22:17

YABQU - often I find the hosts are grateful for an alternative rather than a child being left out - I often take a few vegan cupcakes to parties as my son has a dairy and egg allergy. Often I dont want to inconvenience a host by demanding vega / allergy appropriate treats so will usually mention that I'll bring cupcakes....

squeakytoy · 15/04/2012 22:26

I am going to disagree with the vast majority here, and say that the child should be allowed to eat whatever the heck they like at a party.

Veganism is not a choice that the child has actively made, nor is it a dietary requirement that is to safeguard their health, nor is it a relgious issue, so whilst it is fair enough that the mother enforces a vegan diet in her own home, why on earth should the child have to miss out and feel different though no choice of their own.

SodoffBaldrick · 15/04/2012 22:28

Wow. Just wow.

I could never be a vegan in a million years, but you are being so unreasonable it's untrue.

First of all, I know someone who has two girls who are hyper-allergic to eggs. Amazingly, she is able to bake all manner of yummy things without eggs.

And, no good reason? I actually have way more respect for vegans than I do for most vegetarians, when they take their position against animal cruelty issues to the logical extreme and cut ALL animal products out of their diet. Do you have any idea of the cruelty involved in the diary industry, and what happens to male calves - you know, the useless ones, who can't produce milk? And battery farming for eggs?

You basically just don't agree with someone living their life a certain way and are looking for a reason to be all cat's-bum-mouth about this. The vegan Mum could not have been less rude if she tried.

The only way this whole issue could have been resolved to your satisfaction was if that family had stopped being vegan...! Admit it!!

youarekidding · 15/04/2012 22:31

YABU. I take sachets of salad cream stolen from other restaurants for my DS who's ketchup allergic.

Why is it OK for the children who doesn't eat a food for a certain reason be be 'left out' but they can't have an alternative for fear of upsetting another child.

Madness.

SodoffBaldrick · 15/04/2012 22:34

Squeakytoy, maybe it's a moral issue?

Who is anyone else to say someone else's decision about the way their raise their children is OK or not?

kipperandtiger · 15/04/2012 22:35

I think it's totally ok for children on different diets to have different things brought along for them. We have friends and classmates at parties all the time who are allergic to different things. In fact, I would think it was an inconvenience for the child's parents and try to help where possible. I do always try to provide for a good friend's DC who is allergic to dairy and egg, though the bill can get a bit expensive sometimes - but for a good friend I'm happy to do this. I would be equally happy for kids on kosher/halal diets to bring their own, if what was on offer might break any religious rules. Likewise for vegan diets.

SodoffBaldrick · 15/04/2012 22:35

Wow - can't believe I am sticking up for veganism.

smokinaces · 15/04/2012 22:36

Yabu. Ds2 is lactose intollerant so I always have a stash of sweets etc for parties to swap party bag treats or instead of ice cream. Would never want to inconviencee anyone, but he can't have the stuff on offer.

exoticfruits · 15/04/2012 22:37

Had she actually said that she was bringing her up as a vegan? I would have produced food for her-if not an alternative seems sensible.

squeakytoy · 15/04/2012 22:37

Nobody can say, but I do feel that it is very unfair to force your ethical beliefs on a child that is too young to understand why they cant join in with everyone else.

Fine, at home, eat vegan food that the parents have cooked, but allow the child to make their own mind up about being a vegan when they are old enough to, and let them eat the same food as everyone else outside of the house, if that is what they want to try.

I think it is unfair that a child has to miss out on things for no reason other than the personal ethics of their parents.

SuePurblyBusinesslike · 15/04/2012 22:39

My child has to miss out on bullfighting and the products of Nestle because of my beliefs. But I should prolly let them join in with everyone else - that's the best way. They can choose not to go bullfighting when they're 18. Until then, let the crowd of random strangers guide their choices - much better.

SodoffBaldrick · 15/04/2012 22:40

Oh yeah, the personal ethics of the parents, that old piffle...

The kid had a chocolate lollipop. I don't think that quite comes under the deprivation umbrella.

kipperandtiger · 15/04/2012 22:42

I think the main thing is that the poor child doesn't go hungry! I don't think other kids care for a minute what someone else is eating - parties generally have plenty of food and treats on offer for everyone. Have never ever witnessed any child asking if they can have what X is eating instead of all the goodies on offer. And have been at plenty of parties! And most hosts don't really care what kids eat or don't eat, as long as everyone is more or less having a good time, didn't injure themselves, break any furniture, fight or get taken ill..... and nobody throwing up is also a bonus.

squeakytoy · 15/04/2012 22:43

It is singling the child out amongst their peers though. It is forcing the child to be different.

LibrarianByDay · 15/04/2012 22:45

Squeakytoy - and that is bad because ... ?

squeakytoy · 15/04/2012 22:45

Because the child appears to have no choice of their own.

rhondajean · 15/04/2012 22:46

Surely one of the duties of a parent is to instil a moral compass in your children, ie to teach them your ethical beliefs?

SeasonOfTheWitch · 15/04/2012 22:47

yy, i baked it myself without actual eggs, extremist that i am jisei

is it just me waiting for said vegan mother to turn up on this thread, playing the spoons with said lollies?

PurpleRomanesco · 15/04/2012 22:47

I believe parents do it because like all parents they feel it is best for their children squeaky.

As I said up thread being vegan is the norm for these children so I doubt they feel they are missing out.

thisisyesterday · 15/04/2012 22:48

my children are not old enough to make their own choices. ergo, i make them for them.
i am sure you do the same squeakytoy?

PurpleRomanesco · 15/04/2012 22:49

I'm sure my sons peers will choose to do things I will not allow my son to do if I don't think it's best for him.

Vegans are passing their morals onto their children. We all do!

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