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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

vegan mum at kids party was rude?

399 replies

DoozerDrift · 15/04/2012 20:42

Took DS to a young child's birthday party at soft play today, and there was a vegan mum with her DC there. When it came to cake time, there was no vegan cake, so the mum gave her DC a chocolate lollipop out of her bag.

OK, her DC seemed happy with the situation and asked to hosts to check what was and wasn't vegan. So no problem there I don't think (although I'll bet my bottom dollar they'll rebel and live on bacon sandwiches when they're old enough to ignore their mum!) Grin

BUT AIBU to think that taking separate treats to a party is A) rude to the hosts and B) unfair to the other children at the party who might prefer what the vegan DC are eating?

OP posts:
smokinaces · 15/04/2012 22:49

But why is making a child eat meat until they can make a decision for themselves better than making them not eat it until they make their own decision? Who made the nonvegan way the way a toddler "should" eat? (Very much a non vegan myself)

ErikNorseman · 15/04/2012 22:50

This thread is fantastic! I have never seen the like on MN before!

I have nothing more to add as it has all been said so well. YABU.

LibrarianByDay · 15/04/2012 22:51

If I gave my child a free choice, she would eat chocolate all day and nothing else. Obviously I am a terrible mother for insisting she eat some fruit and vegetables - forcing my view that such things are healthy on her.

SeasonOfTheWitch · 15/04/2012 22:54

squeakytoy so you think its cool for parents to decide what a child does or doesn't eat if it's down to a 'religious issue'? i'm genuinely unclear how that differs from making an ethical choice about not want their family's lifestyle/diet to harm fluffy animals.

ErikNorseman · 15/04/2012 22:54

It's only carnivores who ever think that bringing children up veggie/vegan is inflicting dietary choices on them and completely fail to see that bringing them up carnivore is also inflicting dietary. Choices on them...

I am so grateful I was raised vegetarian. 31 years and never (knowingly or intentionally) eaten meat. Nor have any of my 4 brothers and we all feel the same- relieved we were raised this way. Not deprived and certainly not rebelliously shovelling in bacon sarnies

SeasonOfTheWitch · 15/04/2012 22:57

erik 40 years without a bacon sarnie rebellion here too Grin

PurpleRomanesco · 15/04/2012 22:57

Oi Erik! There are actually some carnivores sticking up for you leaf eaters here! :o

kipperandtiger · 15/04/2012 22:58

What about the parents who choose to have foie gras / sharksfin / endangered cod /rare beef or steak tartare / veal on the menu for their kids eg at dinner parties or restaurants..... that's not vegan but any of those options could equally be contentious. Parents are making choices on behalf of their kids all the time. We once discussed (among a few mums) whether it was "wrong" for children's dinner to consist of just sausage rolls or baked beans on toast (not just for a party but once a fortnight or something fairly regularly). If a vegan diet is balanced, it's no worse than the above meal, in fact, better. I don't really care if parents are vegan or not - I think there's a big difference between kids who eat restricted but balanced/nutritious diets versus kids who are subjected to takeaway burger meals every night. Or children who are living in conditions of poverty.

kipperandtiger · 15/04/2012 22:59

Ditto PurpleRomanesco's 22:57:12 post, lol.

GrahamTribe · 15/04/2012 22:59

Apply that to other issues squeaky, like, for example, an ethical decision to send a child to a church school (and I mean ethical, not necessarily religious) or to an independent one. Or not to give your child sweets or Nestle products. What I'm saying is we all make choices for and on the behalf of our DC, some of them ethical. Should we not be doing that because it's "unfair"?

ErikNorseman · 15/04/2012 23:00

I know purple :) (very veggie friendly name!) that's why I was so blown away by the thread! There is only in fact one carnie saying that old 'inflicting your habits' argument which is who I was referring to.

SeasonOfTheWitch · 15/04/2012 23:01

purple all you carnivores have actually made me a bit moist-eyed with your defence of the vegan! i can't work out if this is a typical view or just because the MN mean IQ is higher than the average Joe's tho.

maddening · 15/04/2012 23:03

yab ridiculous

pumpkinsweetie · 15/04/2012 23:03

YABU - she didnt make a big deal out of it and the child had an alternitive so i dont see a problem.

kipperandtiger · 15/04/2012 23:06

SeasonOfTheWitch - probably just the ones who are logged on to this thread because we found the question compelling to discuss. Speaking as someone who is an omnivore - but who has often pored for hours over menus and shopping for parties, trying to provide for adults and kids alike who are vegetarian, allergic and occasionally halal or kosher. If I was offered a vegan meal that was really delicious, balanced and nutritiously prepared, I'd be more than happy to scoff that down and reject the greasy burgers or roasts on offer. Sadly, many restaurants' vegetarian options are often just carnivore meals with the meat taken out, which is not the same thing at all.

overmydeadbody · 15/04/2012 23:07

I think I get what squeaky means though. If a child goes to a church school or independent school because of the parent's ethical beliefs those children are not deprived of setting foot in any other school as a one off occasion, say a school production at another school or something. A meat eating child doesn't have to eat meat all the time, and can tuck into a vegetarian or vegan meal at someone else's house, a child who's parents don't have a tv can still watch the odd bit of tv at a friend's house, a child who's parents don't buy barbies or guns or soemthing can still play with these toys at a friend's house.

A child can live a vegan lifestyle at home but have the occasional piece of birthday cake, they won't explode or cease to be able to be vegan at home any more will they? They don't need to be so strict about it that the food becomes something akin to bacon to a muslim, something impure.

Having said all of that, the OP is VVU, the vegan mum didn't do anything odd.

overmydeadbody · 15/04/2012 23:10

and I have nothing against vegans or veggies and fully respect them. I just wanted to say I understand where squeaky is coming from.

SeasonOfTheWitch · 15/04/2012 23:10

same question that i asked squeaky to you overmydeadbody how does an ethical choice differ from a religious belief?

TryingNotToLoseMyTemper · 15/04/2012 23:10

Great thread Grin

OP. We all know that it has fuck all to do with you. And what's even funnier, is that you have no idea why you think it was rude, or why it's annoyed you. I know why though...... because it's all utter bobbins and you just wanted to look down your nose at the funny vegan, for some strange reason.

Lol.

rhondajean · 15/04/2012 23:12

Nah sorry over, if your belief system is tht vegan ism is the correct way to eat, as far as I am aware the evidence is that a vegan diet can be just as balanced and possibly healthier than an omnivore diet, so why should the family compromise their beliefs basically jsut to make you/ other people feel better?

upahill · 15/04/2012 23:13

The thing is the whole post maybe a wind up or it may not - who knows but one thing is for sure there are people who do have the same mindset as the OP when it has got sod all to do with them.
The eating choices of other people do not affect them, in this case she doesn't even know the people involved.

It's like I said before about people quizzing me about being a veggie, sometimes it may be people who I may never meet again. I don't actively go round telling people that I am but if, say on a works training course I have ordered the veggie option people will start talking about it. One thing though, it has always been blokes that have got more and aggressive about why I am and start giving me examples or why I shouldn't be Some women just say 'Oh I could never be a veggie' Fair enough! others just say 'Oh how long have you been?' and that is about it.

What I put in my mouth to eat has zero affect on their lives so I don't get why they think they can ram their opinion down my throat (so to speak!!)

SuePurblyBusinesslike · 15/04/2012 23:13

But that's the most bonkers reason for a decision ever Grin. I'll make a moral choice, but it doesn't matter much if we stick to it. In fact, we prolly shouldn't when we're out or with other people.

What on earth would that teach the child - what we believe is important is only important unless someone else feels differently? In which case, you may as well do as they do - we can do our moral thing at home.

skybluepearl · 15/04/2012 23:15

YAB daft

SeasonOfTheWitch · 15/04/2012 23:15
PurpleRomanesco · 15/04/2012 23:18

:)

I have a soft spot for veggies and vegans, My best friend growing up turned veggie when she was 11. Trouble is she didn't like any vegetables apart from potatoes and kiwi fruits at a push (I know, I know...) So rather than try to convince her to eat meat like her family tried to do, I spent much of my teens eating veggie foods trying to trying to coax her to eat them as I was convinced she would develop scurvy! :o

Thankfully she loves all sorts of healthy foods now.

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