To feel a bit miffed about "I can't shake hands with women for religious reasons"

[Hopefullyrecovering]

Which is what was said to me today, in a work context.

I have never heard of this before and googled it and apparently it is true that certain very orthodox forms of religion prohibit men shaking women's hands.

So I am torn between my inner liberal need for religious toleration, and thinking it's a damnfool sort of religion that prohibits a man from shaking a woman's hand and not just a little bit sexist too.

So, AIBU to feel miffed?

A slight diversion: I may be wrong, but I think that there is a religion or are some religions that believe a woman to be "unclean" if she is menstruating. Because you cannot tell if a woman is menstruating or not (unless you actually have a look!!), men of that religion (or some men of that religion), refuse to touch some women.

Very vague because I don't know for sure.

Alliwant this is what I understand is the reason behind it.

In this country once upon a very long time ago, a menstruating woman couldn't cross a stream if she was menstruating as it would render the water unclean and undrinkable.

YABU

all cultures have social etiquette that is at times hard to understand, many have come from religions and many are taken on as religious.

do we not have strange ways here, our obsession with good manners and saying please/thank you all the time but at the same time we are not a friendly culture. i lived in a country where you always shook hands, i was pissed off one day and decided not to shake hands and just say hello. i get home to find my mil very upset because her brother was upset that he had upset me

and my shaking hands incident was when i was living in a muslim country, also kissed men (ones that were related or close to family) on the cheek too :o

some of the muslims i know shake hands,some dont.most would follow quran ans hadith.i understand what you mean just dont agree with it.thats possible,you know?that someone disagrees with you.anyway you can go on as long as you like,this conversation is going aroung in circles and dont see much point in it.

Britain is a very tolerant society, on the whole. I have lived in the Middle East where you are given no choice but to do as required by Islam, regardless of your religion. But it always seemed to me that our tolerance should have limits. People should be allowed to follow their religion freely but not where it transgresses our laws about equality. I find some religions' attitudes to women appalling and do not feel that they should be condoned in our society where we believe in tolerance and equality.

I am very familiar with your "point of view". It is not unique, you know

Growing up, I spent a lot of time discussing such topics with religious people and zealous religion teachers, so believe me when I say that this is not a terribly taxing exchange.

Amirah85 are you suggesting therefore that I should be able to visit a muslim country without having to cover myself up more than I am used to do in this country ? Or that if I go to a church in rural Italy I should not cover my arms ? It seems to me that you are suggesting that this only works in one direction.

you should and you do.never heard of people having to cover up to go to egypt or tunisia.in fact turist ealk around wearing bikinis without any problems.where excatly inmy posts am i suggesting this only goes in one direction??

Rose well put!

"i understand what you mean just dont agree with it"

I wasn't trying to change your mind (I know that's impossible), just get you to admit that yours is a fundamentalist interpretation of Islam.

In Saudi you cover up completely. Christian women can't drive and you cannot be a witness to a crime. Rape does not exist inside marriage, even if Non Muslim. Alcohol is forbidden to all and Christian worship and symbols are banned. Yet Muslims demand that we respect them.

Oh dear oh dear, religion rears its ugly generally hateful mysoginistic head again and again.

Op us normal sensible people need to state how fukin ridiculous all these petty ' religious customs' are ....as customs are control.

Think of it as rhe 2 CCS custom = control, strangely usually over women's bodies and lives.

Yawn yawn, what we need us a real world wide jehadd and women ffs stand up hand in hand side by side, tear off the burka, stop kneeling to priests, stop doing the flowers in a church u can't b a vicar in and demand equal rights.

Hear hear, thebody.

Actually, tourists to Egypt and Tunisia dress much more conservatively than they do at home.

Thanks ANT.

When I visited Egypt as a western woman I was careful to cover arms and legs in respect to local sensibilities. But I was surprised to be served last, after all the men, at the bureau de change and I hated the feeling of being a woman especially in Cairo where I was hissed at and groped in the street. I remember one girl travelling alone, ended up with DP and I, as she was scared for her safety alone.

This is a culture that 'reveres women'?

On the same trip we also visited Turkey and it was a very different experience as a woman. I felt safe and I could see women on the streets alone, working at the airport and had a lovely conversation with a young Muslim couple on the bus, everyone so friendly and welcoming.

Turkey has a vast amount of ' honour killings' I.e murder of upperty daughters, wives or sisters.

Wow, what a fountain of knowledge some people are!

I never knew that Egyptian culture was supposed revere women.

I never knew that only christian women are not allowed to drive in saudi arabia.
I never knew that it is OK to walk around with lesser clothes than it is with more clothes.

Back to the OP, I do understand the embarrassment when being refused a handshake and i also understand the embarrassment when refusing a handshake. It is by no means done to insult you. I have had to refuse handshakes. I didnt want to embarrass the men so i said to them that if i don't shake hands that is not because i dont like you or that you are any lesser than me , in fact it is something that my religion requires of me and I would respect you more if you would not be upset by this.

Just to let you all know, it is harder for a muslim to decline a request for handshake than it is to just shake it. In fact, I dread the moment where a man is about to put his hand out to shake as I do not want to cause embarrassment or offence when I decline. But all I can do is explain that I wouldn't shake any man's hand and I am really sorry if I may have caused any embarrassment.

So OP, you were NBU but I hope you do understand the sentiments behind it now

Politeness trumps religion, cultural norms in this country require people to shake hands, tough shit what religion says.

I think if you can't shake the hand of the opposite sex you shouldn't shake anyone's. Of course shaking a hand is like fucking someone.....

Sorry. Christian women can't drive because the prevailing Muslim patriarchy does not hold with them driving as they are unsafe, along with their Muslim sisters. If I were a Muslim woman I would follow the ladies in Lysystrata. That should sort the anti- female laws.

Gosh I am not holding up Turkey as some bastion of equality and liberalism! They are also rather fond of locking up journalists. But it's interesting how different peoples experiences of Islam can be.

I remember seeing footage of Cairo in the 1970's when the overwhelming majority of women dressedin a western style, onlya few even covered thrir heads, and it looked like a European Mediterranean city. It is a stark contrast with today. It saddens me that young women see covering their heads and faces as progress.

Defuse I am sure u r a nice person but no I for one don't 'understand your embarrassment!!' you are rude. Do Muslim women honestly belive every man is so undone by your sexuality that a hand shake could lead to rape,??

Get a grip,how can u as An articulate woman actually belive and accept this shite???

Not Muslim bashing btw all religions hate women.

WhereTF has it been suggested that a handshake leads to rape?
What an offensive suggestion!