To feel a bit miffed about "I can't shake hands with women for religious reasons"

[Hopefullyrecovering]

Which is what was said to me today, in a work context.

I have never heard of this before and googled it and apparently it is true that certain very orthodox forms of religion prohibit men shaking women's hands.

So I am torn between my inner liberal need for religious toleration, and thinking it's a damnfool sort of religion that prohibits a man from shaking a woman's hand and not just a little bit sexist too.

So, AIBU to feel miffed?

even as a child,u reflect your upbringing.or u r such an indipendent mind ur not affected by anything?

OP - YANBU. I wouldn't have anything to do with him. Not because he wouldn't shake my hand, but because he is an imbecile who genuinely believes that he would be sexually aroused by touching a woman's hand.

I grew up in a Muslim country, with a Muslim name, and Muslim family "amirah".

I have (still) a questioning mind, and my family didn't indoctrinate me so I was able to decide for myself.

How did you end up a Muslim? Convert? Or family indoctrination at an early age?

By the way, in my Muslim country of over 95% Muslim population, pretty much everyone shakes hands with everyone & kisses on cheeks.

Just because you people have a fundamentalist interpretation of Islam, don't make the mistake of thinking all Muslims are like you.

As an HCA i don't 'shake hands' as a greeting in my job... but i've been shocked to see how so many men use the toilet / urine bottles & either don't bother or actually REFUSE to wash or gel their hands after, yuck!
If a man refused to shake hands due to religion i would understand, it's not personal, just a ritual.

If any man truly believes however that i'm not as good as him just because I'm a woman then THAT is offensive.

dont make the mistake that because u were muslim then all muslim r like u.and what the do in "muslim countries" is usually not much to do with the religion,rather is culture.yes convert.u may call me brainwashes all u want,but cant see the difference from u changing to being non-muslim to me changing to be muslim.if im brainwashed so are u

Amirah - you are making some interesting points, but the text speak is irritating.

you free to re write my post.ill try remember next time

You are not making much sense, possibly because your English isn't very good. I don't think you understood that nobody told me what to think as a child, which is how I was able to judge for myself that the God hypothesis & religion in general doesn't make sense. I never "changed to non-Muslim" because I was never a Muslim, which has a prerequisite of believing in God.

My reference to brainwashing was re religious education at an early age, not re converts. If you studied Islam, it made sense to you, and you became a Muslim, I am happy to assume that you made that decision for yourself.

P.S.: Would you mind writing "you" instead of "u", "are" instead of "r" etc? It is not easy to read your textspeak or whatever it is.

how can you be raised in a muslim family,in a muslim country without being raised as a muslim?

I dare say, actually, if children were not taught religion until they are old enough to question it, there would be far fewer believers in the world.

BTW - I don't mean that nastily. It's just that text speak - whilst not impossible to read - come across as a little lazy and childish, so your points instantly have less impact.
You're English is just fine otherwise.

"how can you be raised in a muslim family,in a muslim country without being raised as a muslim?"

You can't wrap your mind around it, can you? That there can be Muslims in the world who let their children grow up and decide for themselves whether they want to believe or not.

Believe it or not, it happens.

I totally agree with you there, CoteDAzur

i was being lazy,your right :)
not childish i hope

You think you know Islam and how Muslims are supposed to be. What you know is what you are taught in the UK, in your small community of Muslims, who may very well adhere to a strict fundamentalist interpretation of Islam that is not generally accepted elsewhere.

Like this handshaking business: You seem to think no Muslim would ever shake hands of someone from the opposite sex, which is wrong.

i can wrap my mind about it,its possible to have a debate without necessarily being nasty you know?it just that it isnt very common for a religious family not to teach their religion to their children.i don't think that stops the children to investigate other religions/different thinking.but as a child you would usually follow what your parents do/think.

what i know about islam is from quran,searching on the internet,reading books,talking to other people using my brain!how can you say what i know i have been taught in a "small community",you dont know.

It is not nasty to make a valid observation - that you are having a hard time that a Muslim family would let their child decide on her own whether she wants to believe or not.

It is quite common, actually. Don't you know any Christian parents in the UK who don't go to church and don't send their children to Sunday school?

My point (which you are dodging) is that you are following a fundamental interpretation of Islam but think that this is what all Muslims believe. It is not.

I read the Quran, by the way, and don't remember anything forbidding handshakes between the sexes. Maybe you would like to tell us where you get the instruction not to shake men's hands, keeping in mind that the Quran is "complete, perfect, and fully detailed", and covers all you need to know to be a Muslim.

Shaking hands is a courtesy. If you cannot, for whatever reason, extend that courtesy equally to everyone then you had damn well better deny it to everyone.

It is the choice to shake with some and not with others that is offensive, and in a workplace environment, possibly construed as discrimination. I hope.

Regardless of whether it is a woman or a man selectively offering the courtesy to some and denying it to others.

I find the rationale behind the practice insulting and offensive, but I am not interested in controlling someone's thoughts. They are free to think I am unclean. I am grateful though, that we have workplace legislation controlling people's ACTIONS. They should not be allowed to shake my male colleagues' hand (since he is clean) and not mine (since I am unclean). That is revolting discrimination, and has no place in a working environment.

There is nothing in the Quran about not shaking men's hands. There is a lot in the Quran about not following other resources (like websites?). Quran is very clear that it is complete, perfect, fully detailed, and all you need to know as a Muslim. So WHY would you think ALL Muslims don't shake hands with the opposite sex?

Yes, yours is a small community in the UK, which is a largely Christian country. And internet websites dedicated to religion are by definition run and populated by people who are more of zealous than average.

I'm sure that you think your way is the way, though.

am not having a hard time,just wondering.christians that dont go to church or send their children to sunday school are called not practising.i dont think all muslims follow a fundamental interpretation of islma,i dont know where you get that from,i never said that and im not dodging any point,in fact im answering as much as i can.oh,wait,maybe my english is not good enough for you to understand what i write...avoiding handshake with men is not in the quran as far as i know,but as you know(or shouldknow,apparently you know everything about muslim and islam)there are rulings coming from hadiths,not only from quran.not everyone agrees with it,but if someone does i dont think it should be a problem for other people(like the example here of not wanting to shake hands,i dont think its reason for someone to get offended,like it shouldnt if a hindu refuses to eat the lasagne you cooked because there's beef in it.

my way is my way,everyone else can do as they wish.theres not much point in this conversation,if your not willing to try and see the other side's point of view(see,not agree to,before you get started).and your being aggressive and judgemental.good luck

It sounds like you understand what I mean but don't know it yet

Quran is complete, perfect, and fully detailed and all you need to be a Muslim and there is nothing about not shaking hands in the Quran. Therefore, it is perfectly fine for Muslims to shake hands with people of the opposite sex.

There is a hadith where supposedly Mohammad said "I don't shake women's hands" and the more fundamentalist Muslims hang onto that bit of hearsay and say no man should shake a woman's hand. However, it is not in the Quran, and therefore is not essential to Islam.

If your community doesn't shake hands with the opposite sex, than you are among fundamentalist Muslims. Because that is all you know, it seems "normal" to you, and you think all Muslims are like you.

They are not.