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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Am I? (FB yet again)

117 replies

FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 13:22

Is it inappropriate to put the following facebook status after you had a miscarriage a few days before?

"Instead of feeling morning sickness, it's been replaced with mourning sickness"

?

OP posts:
YonWhaleFish · 13/04/2012 13:23

nope.

YonWhaleFish · 13/04/2012 13:23

Sorry, yes!

SoupDragon · 13/04/2012 13:24

It's not inappropriate if the person posting it is happy doing so.

DefiniteMaybe · 13/04/2012 13:24

Seems to be a bit attention seekingy but it's her status so YABU

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 13:24

Not inappropriate at all if that's how she feels and she posted it on her own wall.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 13:24

And mourning the death of your baby would make you sick I imagine.

Fortunately I've never been in the position to know that.

Aworryingtrend · 13/04/2012 13:25

If it is your FB status you can post what you want, although I am not sure how you would expect people to respond.

TeWihara · 13/04/2012 13:26

It's really up to them.

But I would be a bit Shock.

Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 13:27

The person posting it was me.

I have been told that it was wrong of me to even mention the baby on FB (by one person only - OH's sister - no previous history of anything related so can't excuse her on that) who has now decided that of course us grieving for our baby is not enough emotional distress for one week, we now have to endure a huge family fall out because of this.

And should point out, that this is coming from someone who couldn't even bother her arse to text or phonecall (or even via the dreaded FB!) to let us know she was sorry, were we ok, did we need anything, she was thinking of us etc.

Sad
OP posts:
Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 13:28

I've just about reached breaking point now. I am sat here at half past bloody 1 drinking wine.

Sad
OP posts:
MeconiumHappens · 13/04/2012 13:29

Its not unreasonable. The sickness doesnt go away straight away and that must be really hard to deal with. perhaps she just feels like she needs to acknowledge that there was a baby, and now there isnt.

fedupofnamechanging · 13/04/2012 13:32

It's up to you what you put as your own status update. Your sil doesn't have a right to tell you not to mention your own baby. Tell her to fuck off.

MissPenteuth · 13/04/2012 13:33

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

I would be a bit shocked to see something like that posted on FB tbh, but I don't think there is such a thing as "inappropriate" or "unreasonable" when you're dealing with something like a miscarriage. I'd imagine that you just do whatever you feel you need to do to get through it.

GoGoBananas · 13/04/2012 13:35

Oh my love. Hide or delete her, withdraw a bit, protect yourself and deal with whatever emotions come along. Your oh needs to tell her now is not the time. You need looking after not a feud. If they can't offer support right now then ask them kindly to nob off and ignore until stronger.

I'm so sorry.

OneOfMyTurnsComingOn · 13/04/2012 13:36

I am so sorry for your loss.

No. YANBU.

TeWihara · 13/04/2012 13:37

Being surprised is one thing, telling you what to feel/say is not on, you haven't done anything wrong. Tell her to fuck off.

Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 13:38

Her husband died a year after they were married. She talked about it on Facebook. Nonbody told her she was wrong. She is an attention seeker at the best of times. I think she's playing her own twisted game of grief Top Trumps.
Why can she not see I am devastated and have been grasping on by my fingertips and that her behaviour is the last straw for me?

I didn't go into any gory details or post my scan picture which is obviously as it turns out of a dead baby, now that I could understand.

We have previous form. I posted here before about her calling my OH and telling him she thought I had faked my herniated discs and the resulting problems of it.

She must really really hate me Sad

OP posts:
HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 13/04/2012 13:38

Delete her from Fb, ignore this is not about her. I'm sorry about your mc. She is a bitch if she has caused a family row because of it. It's not something I would have posted after mine but that doesn't mean it wrong for you too.

Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 13:39

she deleted and blocked us both. She's asked him to be friends again. i don't know if she has me as i deactivated this morning.

All she had to do was hide a status if she didn't like it, not cause this big family bust up. but then she wouldn't have got the attention back on herself otherwise would she?

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Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 13:40

I would add that I only have people who are family and close friends who i actually do know in person on my Fb, not random people so thought I was sharing with people who cared.

OP posts:
FateLovesTheFearless · 13/04/2012 13:40

Course it's not unreasonable. I lost a baby three years ago. I still post a picture of sunflowers on the date of my miscarriage on fb. Only those closest to me know what it means. It's your fb, it's your life. If people take issue with your statuses, tell them to do one.

I am so sorry. Take care of yourself.

ShirtyKnot · 13/04/2012 13:42

Sweetheart. Sad

She sounds like an unremitting turd. Try and push this shit away, it doesn't matter - she's horrible.

Poor you, you poor thing.

Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 13:48

Thank you all (even those that would be a bit Shock) and Shirley, more cwtches please

OP posts:
Panda1234 · 13/04/2012 13:49

I'm sorry op. I've had three pregnancy losses and posted about the last one on FB because I was so sick of my 'friends' ignoring what I was going through. There's no right or wrong way to deal with it.

Ignore your SIL and delete her; she's being far more attention seeking than you are. Don't you or your DH engage with her at all, it'll only gratify her that she's managed to hurt you.

jen127 · 13/04/2012 13:52

Blees you Foofighter I am so sorry for your loss {hug}