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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Am I? (FB yet again)

117 replies

FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 13:22

Is it inappropriate to put the following facebook status after you had a miscarriage a few days before?

"Instead of feeling morning sickness, it's been replaced with mourning sickness"

?

OP posts:
nickelhasababy · 13/04/2012 13:55

oh Foof :(
[big hug]

yanbu. the status is fine.
that's how you feel.

i had tears in my eyes when i read it, even before i knew you had posted it.

it must be so hard for you.

i'm sorry :(

ShirtyKnot · 13/04/2012 13:55

Listen chick, there are people in the world who will enhance your life - and then there are those that just make it a little bit shitter. Let those who enhance do their thing and ignore those who seek to make you feel awful - when you already do.

x

Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 13:56

oh dear.

you are all totally fab do you know that?

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ShirtyKnot · 13/04/2012 13:58

Better out than in. Smile

(as the actress said to the bishop)

HamblesHandbag · 13/04/2012 14:02

Oh foof, I'm so sorry to read this.

Please don't waste anymore energy on this woman. You really don't need her in your head.

Get rid, don't engage, and be kind to yourself xx

lisaro · 13/04/2012 14:09

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have young nephews and nieces on my Facebook and that would be a very inappropriate post in that situation. Is it possible that's what she's complaining about?

Panda1234 · 13/04/2012 14:11

I hope you're ok... it's awful when you're already feeling vulnerable and someone twists the knife. A couple of things that helped me:

It's good to do something to mark the miscarriage, like naming a star or lighting a candle, or something.

It's also good to go away with your DH - planning a holiday always made me feel a bit better cos it gave me something to look forward to, whether it was camping for a weekend or something much fancier. It's a consolation prize, yes, but it never failed to make me feel a little bit brighter.

YonWhaleFish · 13/04/2012 14:29

I am really very sorry for your loss.

Your SIL is a knobender as it's none of her beeswax.

I have to say if a friend of mine posted that I'd find it a bit Shock if I am being honest though, BUT I wouldn't say anything as it's none of my beeswax.

Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 15:02

No youngsters no.

Can i ask those who are Shock exactly why? If someone's mum died and they expressed grief would you be equally Shock

Why is the death of a baby and miscarriage taboo?

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sausagesandmarmelade · 13/04/2012 15:06

Seems a bit strange to me

DesperatelySeekingBunnies · 13/04/2012 15:06

Howhorrible for you. Her behaviour was inexcusable. Delete and block on FB. Keep away from her and anyone else sticking the knife in. Who cares if you fall out with people like this? You don't need this nastiness in your life.

Huge hugs to you and hope you have plenty of people in RL to give you tonnes of support.

jodidi · 13/04/2012 15:07

If I didn't have random people from the past and from work I would probably post something similar Foof. I am only holding back because I can't handle sympathy from people who don't know me right now.

Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 15:08

Wish I could block her from my life, would be easier if it was a friend, but it's family

OP posts:
TeWihara · 13/04/2012 15:09

It's just quite black humour that's all. It's certainly wouldn't be a judging Shock face, just a surprised one.

I really am very sorry for your loss and a bit of black humour does a world of good sometimes IMHO.

Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 15:11

I wouldn't have thought it was black humour at all? I just I saw it written somewhere and thought it was an apt description of how I felt at the moment.

Is it humourous?

OP posts:
LoopyLoeufdePaques · 13/04/2012 15:11

I was about to come on here to bollock you for belittling someone's expression of their grief.

But it's your grief. And it's perfectly fine for you to let your friends know you need them. But you don't need her.

Take care of yourself, we're all thinking of you. :)

igggi · 13/04/2012 15:12
Sad I would step away from fb though, it is not called the work of the devil for nothing, the mc boards here would be far more supportive. You asked why some people said they were shocked - I don't think it's the mention of the loss, I think it's the pun that would make them feel like that.
sausagesandmarmelade · 13/04/2012 15:16

Agree with iggi....it's the Pun that people find surprising, not the grief. It comes across as being somewhat flippant, but then we are all different and express things in different ways.

Some people deal with grief in a very private way....others not.

SIL may be grieving too (in her own way) and see the premature death of her future niece/nephew not something she wanted to see mentioned on facebook (for whatever reason).

Why does that make her a "knobend" and why would it be none of her business?

Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 15:20

I doubt very much she is grieving. She didn't congratulate us or mention the pregnancy once.

believe me it was far from a flippant comment Angry

OP posts:
sausagesandmarmelade · 13/04/2012 15:24

It comes across/is perceived as being flippant though....the twist on words.

I don't know how your SIL is in other ways....but I know that grief can bring out mixed emotions, anger....and cause fall-outs.

And...sometimes it's better to deal with things in real-life rather than through face-book...

igggi · 13/04/2012 15:24

Your sil sounds like an arse. But then many many people think mc should never be mentioned (I've had 4, I know this).

I wouldn't be angry with what Sausages said, the remark did sound like black humour (as others have said) - if I read that I'd think it was a flippant remark that told me of the great grief that lay behind it.

YonWhaleFish · 13/04/2012 15:26

Only because you asked - to me it's Shock as I find this and any other posts that are highly personal (including if it was my mum who died) a bit much, and attention seeking. My mum is dead, and I wouldn't dream of putting anything on FB about it, as I'd feel as if I was trying to manipulate people into saying "poor you" and that kind of attention makes me personally uncomfortable.

I agree with the person who said it's a bit black in it's humour - it seems like a joke in poor taste from an outsiders POV.

NagooBunnytail · 13/04/2012 15:26

It's a pun isn't it, puns are usually used in humour.

I don't think FB is best used to try and get support from people. I understand the need to express your grief.

It is unfortunate that your SIL has hi-jacked your grief to seek attention for herself.

You really are better off withdrawing from her and hiding in Shirl's cwtch. (I have no idea what a cwtch is but I know I want one :))

Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 15:28

I honestly cannot see any humour in it, but then obviously I am in a very different place to you all. I can only see sadness that I should be experiencing one and am unfortunately experiencing the other

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Original poster
FoofFighter · 13/04/2012 15:28

it's a welsh cuddle/hug

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