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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I promised DH he could name the baby. Now I've changed my mind.

397 replies

JakeyMom · 13/04/2012 11:21

When I was pregnant with DS1 I had my heart set the name Jacob. DH hated it and used to come up with all these alternatives but I had my heart set and I promised him that if he let me call DS Jacob he would pick the next DC's name. I PROMISED.
So fast forward and I'm pregnant with DC2 and naturally DH has been considering names. He was under the illusion that we would be having a boy and had already picked out the name Adam which I was fine with. However, it turns out we're having a girl which has totally thrown DH off course.
He's now decided he wants to name DD after his GRANDMOTHER(!!!) as she brought him up. It's an AWFUL name for a child (Blanche) and I just can't bring myself to agree. The name makes me shudder, it reminds me of coronation street. I've told him I hate the name and it's disgusting for a baby but he won't budge on it and is digging his heels in. AIBU to go back on my promise for the sake of our DD?

OP posts:
iwantbrie · 13/04/2012 11:23

Suggest it as a middle name & decide on a first name you agree on?

AwayWithTheWeeFolk · 13/04/2012 11:24

Blanche?

He does realise the poor child will have to go to school? Can you persuade him to use it as her middle name?

Flightty · 13/04/2012 11:24

Oh dear. though I feel your pain, the fact you did exactly this to your DP makes me think you would be unreasonable to go back on your promise!

I struggle with letting anyone else name a child of mine but the least you can do is try and agree on a name you both like. Otherwise it isn't really fair.

Planning to let DP name our child if we have one, as he has not had a child before, but I hope we can compromise and choose something together. That's the fun of it surely?

Whatmeworry · 13/04/2012 11:25

Can he change Jacob in return?

Original poster
JakeyMom · 13/04/2012 11:25

I told him she'll get bullied at school, it's such a granny name and a horrible granny name at that. He won't budge. He's stubborn as hell and the more I fight against it the more he "Loves the name" Hmm

He won't have it as a middle name.

OP posts:
Flightty · 13/04/2012 11:25

Blanche is terrible btw.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/04/2012 11:25

Well, it was very unkind of you to be so insistent on a name for your DS1 that you knew your DH hated.

DH and I a rule with names that it didn't matter how much one of us loved a name, if the other was really against it then it was discounted.

Now you have been bitten on the arse.

theodorakis · 13/04/2012 11:26

I think the person with a vagina should get an equal say! (tongue in cheek)

squoosh · 13/04/2012 11:26

Hmmm, you've made a rod for your own back really haven't you. Hate to say it but YABU.

You got your own way last time even though he disliked the name, and promised him dibs on baby no.2's name. You had to see this coming.

I strongly believe both parents should agree on a name and neither should wheedle or bully the other into a agreeing to a name that they dislike. The only thing you can do now is appeal to his softer side and see if you can't come to some sort of compromise. Is he likely to stick his heels in?

By the way, I quite like Blanche and think he's chosen the name for a lovely reason. I don't think Corrie at all, I think Blanche Dubois or my personal fave Blanche from the Golden Girls.

theodorakis · 13/04/2012 11:27

My other half wanted Hunter for a boy. veeeeto!

Original poster
JakeyMom · 13/04/2012 11:27

But Blanche ffs? if I didn't know better I'd think he was having a laugh.

OP posts:
ethelb · 13/04/2012 11:27

My DP wants to name his son after his grandfather.

The name? Frans.

We do not have any children yet and I can envisage a pretty argumentative pregnancy if we ever do.

ReallyTired · 13/04/2012 11:28

I don't think you have much choice. You insisted on a name he hated for your and now he wants to give a name you don't like to your dd. I think you need to stick to your promise

Can you not give her a middle name. Or does his granmother have any middle names. Or prehap you could double barrel it ie. Marie-Blanche or Sophia-Blanche.
Does his granfather have any names that can be feminised. (assuming that his granfather was involved with bringing him up.) Ie. if the granfather was called John you might have Joanna-Blanche

callmemrs · 13/04/2012 11:29

Blanche is terrible!
But as others have said, you were insistent about using a name he hated so you haven't got a leg to stand on. I think it's very odd that you wanted a name he actually hated; most couples would try to compromise. But what was good enough for you is surely good enough for him?

MonsterBookOfTysons · 13/04/2012 11:29

Oh dear! Maybe show him this thread with all the opinions?
Didn't Blanche have a middle name?

redrubyshoes · 13/04/2012 11:30

Yes YABU. You promised.

Blanche isn't that bad - it could have been Edna or Mildred.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 13/04/2012 11:30

Names go in cycles. Recently I've seen names like Ethel, Maude and Mabel suggested in the baby-naming threads and they are "granny" names to me. A moment of hope, though, OP, are you and your DH dark-haired? Because Blanche means "blonde" and so may be unsuitable. [grasping at straws]

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 13/04/2012 11:30

I chose my DD1's name and promised DH he could choose DD2's name but he did agree that if I really hated his choice he would think of another. Luckily I was happy with his choice.

I would try to get him to think of another name if you hate it that much but if your DH let you choose a name he didn't like then it would be quite bad to go back on a promise.

FallenCaryatid · 13/04/2012 11:30

Why did you insist on a name he hated for your first child? Why wouldn't you compromise?
Why should he, especially after you promised?

ChickenSkin · 13/04/2012 11:31

Oh tell him to fuck off and give the baby a decent name. You'll be carrying it for 9 months AND bringing her into the world - all he did is fertilise and egg and presumably had fun whilst doing so. Blanche is an awful name.

I remember an ex of mine was on about baby names once and he said "oh if ever we had a girl I'd want a nice traditional name - like Sarah Jane. Yep! that would have to be it! Sarah Jane." errr hows about fuck off with your Sarah Jane?

savoycabbage · 13/04/2012 11:32

Are you sure he's not toying with you? If not YABU as like Alibaba said you pushed your dh into a name he didn't want which was a bit mean.

LeMousquetaireAnonyme · 13/04/2012 11:32

So he let you name your DS with a name he hated because you were stubborn.
And even if you promised you want to withhold him the right to do the same?

I think he has the right to be stubborn now Grin!
Blanche is not so bad.
Blandine, bianca, alba, albine....?

IAmBooyhoo · 13/04/2012 11:32

reap what you sow. Grin

am i the only one who thinks this is funny? you were so selfish in insisting you got your way you never considered that you would actually have to keep your promise. suck it up, i say, and dont get so carried away with your own wants in future that you shoot yourself in the foot whilst doing it.

FallenCaryatid · 13/04/2012 11:32

Wow! So she's going to be raising this baby all by herself then Chickenskin?
Because all her partner is worth has happened. She's had the sex, got pregnant and now he's irrelevant?

ethelb · 13/04/2012 11:33

tbf you insisted on a name he hated.

however, it is wierd that he wants to 'punish' you for it with a name you hate.

And Jacob is a really, really nice name. Blanche is crap.