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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have secretly giggled at overhearing daughter's swearing

148 replies

localyokel · 12/04/2012 21:38

Eldest daughter's got a couple of friends over for a sleep over, and they're all up in her room armed with duvets, chocolate and a DVD. As I walked past her room I heard them all in fits of giggles and she said that her friend was a 'fucking dozy cunt' at which point the friend responded that she didn't have a 'dozy cunt' and they all started giggling again. They would be mortified if they knew I'd overheard them but for some reason it just made me giggle, is that really bad?

OP posts:

SodoffBaldrick · 13/04/2012 09:16

Exactly, tether.

plantsitter · 13/04/2012 09:29

I reckon your 15 year olds were happy having a sleepover rather than drinking MD 20/20 in a bus shelter because you didn't go in and tell them off! Not really anyone's business what they were saying in a private conversation, is it? I can't believe people are being so po-faced about teenage swearing!

hairylemon · 13/04/2012 09:37

Agree Plant, Im pretty surprised at how many would be so uptight about this.

Christ shes a year away from being able to have sex legally and people are up in arms that she used a swear word in the prvacy of her own bedroom with her friends, the mind boggles

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 09:42

Morning you bunch of cunts

Tethers, thanks for the explanation but I still don't understand how the word cunt can be reclaimed without being used as an insult?

In what other context would a 'reclaimer' use it?

Cassettetapeandpencil · 13/04/2012 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

destroyedluggage · 13/04/2012 09:57

When my best mate and I were about 14, we decided one day that swearing like sailors was no longer cool and that from that day forth we shall speak like the educated, articulate young intellectuals we were. We started to use all sorts of obscure expressions and convoluted phrases instead (this was before the internet etc. so sprucing up our vocab with stuff last used in the 19th century took some commitment.)

Of course my parents thought it was just a new form of us being obnoxious little shits, and promptly expressed outrage.

tethersend · 13/04/2012 10:04

Morning, worra

I suppose I don't agree with reclaiming a word- I think its use changes organically or it doesn't.

Also, the value of the word 'cunt' is in its offensiveness, so I wouldn't want to use it in an inoffensive way...

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2012 10:13

Ahh I see. Well if anyone says "You cunt!"

I just reply with "Yes, I fucking can"

D0oinMeCleanin · 13/04/2012 10:16

Mine are only tiny but if the worst they end up doing is saying cunt in the privacy of their own room I will consider myself to have done a very good job.

It's just a word. I honestly do not understand why it is more offensive than fuck or shit. They're just words. What possible harm can they cause?

Bambino81 · 13/04/2012 11:10

Do you know what. I take back my rant.. was over tired :D

I still dont find it funny and when I think of my daughter saying the C word it DOES make me shudder but then I think about what I was doing at 15.. getting the train to London with my friend without mum knowing, getting drunk in the park etc etc and when u compair it, it's not so bad.

My apologies..

Mobly · 13/04/2012 11:14

I wouldn't be shocked.... it's not exactly uncommon. And, also agree, most of us went through swearing phases as teens or young adults.

I remember having great admiration for a friend (we were 16), in a nightclub when a bloke told her to 'suck my dick' and she replied 'suck my cunt'! We thought we were very feminist at the time.

However, I find it distasteful and just a bit, well, common and immature (to be expected at 15) now I'm an adult. To me, it is labelling a vagina as something negative and I don't at all like those connotations.

I find it more offensive when used by a man.

bringbacksideburns · 13/04/2012 11:21

I would have an issue with the word Cunt. I hate the word, i think it's degrading and vile.

Sorry i'm obviously 'uptight' and hyprocrtical' and 'not down with the kids' for thinking it's a hilarious term

Of course teenagers swear. I did. Never called my mate a cunt in jest or not though, and still wouldn't today. It sounds dog rough.

But you've got your validation now that it is very amusing.
I wouldn't have spoken to them but i would have spoken to her about the word later. Aint big, aint clever.

Ephiny · 13/04/2012 11:30

I still don't like it either. And I think there's a real difference between casually using a 'swear word' (which probably most of us do occasionally!) and swearing at someone, which to me is aggressive and nasty behaviour.

i.e. I don't mind if DP comes home and says he's had a fucking awful day. I would mind a lot if he called me what the OPs daughter said to her 'friend', that is just not an acceptable way to speak to anyone IMO.

I do remember being a teenager and I know what girls that age can be like, there was bullying and name-calling (though not quite such horrible language as I remember). But I'd still hope to try to bring up my daughter to have kindness and respect for others, and would not be proud or giggling to hear her say something like that to another girl. No it's not the worst thing that could ever happen, but it's not nice or funny either.

Hulababy · 13/04/2012 11:37

If it was loud enough to hear outside the room and I was passing by I would have called out to watch their language. But I do accept that teens will swear with their mates. So long as I don't have to listen to it then it isn't really an issue, unless they were swearing at other people, teachers, older people, etc.

But I don't really swear myself anyway and haven't done for many years. Once I started training to be a teacher I found it far easier to just not do so, as I was scared of using bad language in school in front of pupils. And then when I worked at the prison I was so used to hearing it day in day out in all contexts, often several swear words in each sentence it just put me off even further.

I doubt DD has ever heard my swear properly. I don't think DH has either, past me being a student. That s resevered for when I am alone, usually in the car :D

WibblyBibble · 13/04/2012 11:48

If I heard my older child talking like that I'd tell them to fuck off out until they'd learned some cunting manners.

t0lk13n · 13/04/2012 13:17

I meant generation thing as in swearing at teachers...never did in my day. Of course children swear but come on laughing at it! Must be a generational thing!

vintagewarrior · 13/04/2012 17:02

I'm with you OP. fucking hilarious.
Haters, all swearing on here left right & centre, suppose none of you started swearing until you were what? 25?

blapbird · 13/04/2012 18:05

ah cunt a s a Verb- love it wibbly

bringbacksideburns · 13/04/2012 19:25

Nah, some of us just don't say Cunt that's all.

Didn't realise it was some rite of passage to being cool vintagewarrior!

And so what if people don't swear at all, or don't like swearing? Does that mean they are prudes or they just have better vocabulary?

tethersend · 13/04/2012 19:28

If people use fewer words by avoiding swearwords, you could argue that they have a poorer vocabulary, bringback

MmmPercyPigs · 13/04/2012 19:34

I totally understand what you mean OP - it would have made me giggle too!

I have the joy of spending most of my days with 15 year olds and I would say that the word cunt just doesn't have the same meaning these days as it did when I was 15. It is often used in an almost affectionate way (if you see what I mean?) - maybe this is reclaiming.

Please don't talk to her about it. She is 15, if I were you, I would just be glad that she was in your house with her friends and not out and about shouting at old ladies.

ErnesttheBavarian · 13/04/2012 20:21

I really hate that word. I would not have giggled at that. Really not on.

Mine all swear like navvies. (Mostly dh but I share some blame for sure), but honestly, my boys can't seem to say a sentence without (mild-ish) swear word in, like hell, or crap or bloody.

Collected dd (aged 3) from Kindergarten and asked her if she'd had a nice day. "No, it was crap". From a 3 year old! So glad we're not in UK I was mortified and am currently having a huge clamp down on swear words. There would be serious trouble if I heard that word from any of them though. Nasty word. WOuld not be gigging.

thegreylady · 13/04/2012 20:46

I would have been horrified if I ever heard my dd use language like that in any circumstances-she is 37!!!

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