...to expect DH not to deliberately wake me up early in the mornings?

[NiniLegsInTheAir]

During the week DH gets up at 6:15am and leaves at 6:50am to commute. I, on the other hand, get up at 7am (unless 1 yr old DD wakes up earlier) and get both her and myself ready for the walk to work/nursery. I don't get up any earlier unless DD wakes up as I don't need to.

DH has it in his head that because he's up I "should be up too" and keeps doing things deliberately to wake me up in the morning. For example, this morning he woke me up at 6:30 when emptying the laundry basket in our bedroom as he wanted to put a load of his washing on or he "wouldn't have any socks tomorrow morning". He woke me again at 6:45 as he wanted my advice on what book to read on his commute next.

He always leaves his bedside light on when he gets up even when hes not in the room as he knows it disturbs me - but if he's trying to sleep at night I can't read my book as he "can't sleep with a light on". He doesn't make any effort to try and keep any noise down in the morning, so much so that days when I think DD wakes up early is because he's woken her (she's always tired when she wakes early).

I'm not expecting him to tiptoe round the house but a bit of consideration would be nice. I'm very tired and even an extra few mins of sleep is a bonus .

AIBU or is he?

Well there's your answer, yell at him every morning that he wakes you up!

Honestly, he sounds demented. Don't put up with it.

Out of interest all of you who's DHs get up early but don't wake you up, how do you not wake to their alarm? DH Gets up an hr before me and is quiet but his alarm wakes me and then he snoozes it so I'm lying there awake waiting for it to go off. I'm genuinely asking as I'm currently pregnant, have a one yr old nit sleeping well and at the point of telling him to sleep on the couch to avoid me wanting to divorce hime over it. Losing an hrs sleep every day is crap (I lie there thinking I bet DS will wake up in 5 mins and there you go an hr is gone)

My Dh gets up at 4am 3 days out of his working week to be in work at 5am. Generally he's very quiet BUT he insists on coming to give me a kiss before he leaves (4.45am). He feels he can't leave without doing that...which is lovely, but I don't need to wake up till 6.40am ! And sometimes it is very difficult to get back to sleep...

...Oh and I don't hear the alarm go off because I am deaf in one ear, and when my hearing aid is out, at night, I don't hear much at all!! I miss all the thunderstorms at night, and I love a good thunderstorm!!

Oh my DH has long since learned I am a snarling evil person in the morning and to very quietly give me a wide birth. My stupid, idiotic, annoying housemate who I really have had ENOUGH of right now LOVES to tell me how AWFUL I am in the mornings, and how shes SUCH a morning person, even though I don't see her in the mornings!

I seriously want to wring her scrawny pasty ANNOYING neck.

your up half hour later anyways. its not like he is waking you in the middle of the night!!! you can be pissed off every morning and start your day on a sour note with your dp, or just gently wake up and chat with him. no biggy! mountain out of a mole hole i think.

You only say that cos you're obviously a morning person, scuzy! There would be no gentle waking up and chatting with me, I can tell you! When I get up, I stay in bed with kids for twenty mins or so, becoming conscious, then lock myself in the kitchen with coffee til school time. Alternativel, on my working days, I get up early, am technically awake but by myself, drink coffee. By the time others arrive at work around 9am I am in a reasonable state to talk to people
Rofl at idea of gentle morning chats
Dh is luckily the same as me
We deliberately get up at different time so we never spend the early waking hours together
Otoh we do spend all night nattering and catcing up, in happy moods

I go straight back to sleep after dh's alarm. I love sleep. I love my bed.

Ok - since I posted any attempt to get him to change his attitude hasn't worked. I asked him to be quiet - "I have to be up for work I have a long day a long journey you don't understand". I asked him to be considerate of DD as he's disturbing her - "She's always stirring at that time anyway". I asked him for a cuppa then - "I don't have time to make you a cuppa".

And you know what - I LIKE my sleep. I NEED my sleep. I work damn hard at home and in the office, I deserve it. I'll be damned if I'm getting up to 'chat' with the miserable SOB.

This morning at half 6 (after an incident where he woke me up at 5am by screaming at the cat) he was stomping round the house in a bad mood and woke DD up to the point where she was screaming herself. When I told him off he threw some clothes at me.

SO - I need some advice on what to do now. The reason he disturbs DD is because his work clothes are kept in a wardrobe in her room, and he won't pick out his clothes in advance the night before (I have asked). My clothes are kept on a broken clothing rail in our room - they've been there for 3 years as he won't contribute to a proper wardrobe. I'm saving for one myself as I've finally realised that he never intends to contribute to the purchase of one. Why would he - he has his OWN wardrobe.

SO - I'm very tempted to take all his clothes from the wardrobe in DD's room and switch them with mine on the broken clothing rail. That way, he won't disturb her, and maybe he'll see what I've been putting up with for the last 3 years by having no real place to store my clothes.

AIBU?

Sorry for the long post .

he won't contribute to a decent bedroom wardrobe for the two of you? W.T.A.F.??!

Sounds like a good plan to change the clothes around.

Otherwise you can change the bedroom arrangements, he sleeps in dds room, and you get two single beds for your bedroom, one for you and one for dd.

It makes sense, then you and her can sleep as long as you need it, and he can potter about without any need to even be in the room.

You don't have a wardrobe?????? Why can't you just buy one out of your own money if your arse of a DH won't contribute? I'd do it just so that my DD can sleep undisturbed in the morning. Your poor DD!

YANBU at all though. My DH gets up at 6.15am and wakes me up at 7am, only because I need to have a shower before he leaves at 7.20am (we have 2 small DCs). I work 3 days a week, so getting up at 7am is important anyway, but even on my days off this is our routine, as I can't function without a shower in the morning. While I have a shower and get dressed quickly DH gets the DCs dressed.

Sounds like really selfish behaviour though.

choc I don't have much money but I have a 'new wardrobe' fund, it took me a long time to figure out that he never intended to contribute towards buying another one. I will get there soon I hope .

Nini if you are in London I have a wardrobe I need to get rid of in July... It is 2 years old, birch laminate, pleasant to look at. You can have it, if you can collect it.

I'm sure you could get a nice wardrobe on freecycle

but to be honest, that seems the least of your worries

do you not have a joint account or joint household budget?

your dh sounds like a tosser

Quint that's very kind and generous of you, but unfortunately I'm in the west country . Thanks for the offer though!

merci Freecycle isn't really an option as we have a tiny car and no access to anything bigger. We don't have a joint account, I've always insisted on keeping our money apart as he's a control freak with money. And yes, most of the time he is a tosser.

I've seen the wardrobe I want, just a matter of getting the pennies. :) . Although now I may not bother as he'll be having the clothing rail and me the wardrobe (which isn't even ours anyway it belongs to my sister who may want it back when she finishes uni in September) ;)

does he have any redeeming features??!

He sounds really horrible. He deliberately wakes your daughter up??

Well he sounds unreasonable, sulky, resentfull and is deliberately unhelpful.

My DH gets up very early every morning, and is as quiet as possible. He lays out his clothes the night before. he brushes his teeth downstairs.

He is a grown up, you know? If he had a problem with me getting up later, we would TALK about it.

I would tackle this heads on.

It is not about wardrobes or logistics, do not be fooled.

He clearly just doesn't think you should be able to stay in bed if HE has to get up. Talk about THAT, not wardrobes.

Nini - I would be tempted to post in Relationships about your DH's behaviour. This goes much deeper than being woken up.

BTW I get up first and sort myself out then wake up DH and the children (30-40mins later) so DH can help get the kids ready and I drop them at school on my way to work. (DH works from home).

Chaz I have posted a little bit in Relationships, lacking the energy to really post about what's going on, I think it would turn into an essay!

Chandon You're right, this goes deeper than wardrobes. We are having major relationship problems.

And Fluffy he did buy me cake last week when trying to get on my good side so he could ask for shag, but I've seen through that old chestnut now. Does cake count as a redeeming feature?

Looking forward to making some clothing storage changes when I get home later!

I really don't get this....

He commutes, to earn, to look after his family, and you resent him waking you up (at a time he actually HAS to be up, whether he likes it or not), and you can't even wash his socks for him??????

I'm all for women's rights and all, but is this for real????

I'd love to see his side of the story in AIBU!!!

He is BU, that would really piss me off!

Yes, noinspration, I guess she should wash his socks, kiss his feet and allow him treat her any way he likes and she had better be grateful!

I do hope you were being ironic noinspiration . But if you want to swap with me and wash his socks I won't refuse!