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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away for the weekend when I have a long standing dinner invitation on Friday?

138 replies

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:04

I know I ABU but I want to go away! I want to go to dinner too but going away has more appeal...we never go away as a family and haven't had a break for three years. Not even a weekend away.

We have been offered the use of a friends flat (lovely one in Kensington too) for the weekend...the offer came to us this evening and we could have the flat for two nights...Fri and Sat.

We have never taken the DC to london and yet some friends are expecting us for dinner on Friday night with DC in tow.

I have been looking forward to the dinner...but this weekend is also the first weekend we have had a chance to go away....am I BU to cancel dinner and take up the offer of the flat? DH is all for telling the truth to the mates but I know they'll be VERY dissapointed and possibly hurt too...there won't be another chance to take the flat as the friend is leaving it soon to return to his home country.

OP posts:
ssd · 12/04/2012 00:06

I think it would be mean to cancel at this stage, esp if friend is leaving soon to return to his country

so YABU

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:10

No the friend who has the flat in Kensington is leaving soon....

OP posts:
callmemrs · 12/04/2012 00:10

Why not do the dinner, then go to London and stay over on the sat? Doesnt have to be either/ or does it? I think it would be quite disrespectful to just drop out of dinner because you have a better offer tbh

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 00:10

I agree with your DH, if you're going to bail on them tell them why.

Sometimes it's kinder to come up with an excuse, but in this instance I think it'd hurt them more to find out afterwards that you went away.

How about 'asking' them, and say you wanted to run it past them before deciding to go or not, then if they are backed into a corner agree you should take the opportunity that fell into your lap and tell you to go, they can't complain about it afterwards - theoretically Grin

DodieSmith · 12/04/2012 00:10

I think your DH is right.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:12

I am such a wimp....the thought of truth is awful! But they may find out...gah...WHY! We have no social life really usually...why is it like buses?

OP posts:
Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:13

ZigZag I think that's what theyd do if the situation were revered but isn't that kind of passive agressive?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 00:15

Are you just projecting what you think they'll think about you going off for the weekend?

Could they know you well enough to be disappointed about the dinner but happy for you all?

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:16

I just think they've possibly been looking forward to it as we have Agent...and hate to be rude. Blush

OP posts:
Jinsei · 12/04/2012 00:20

Sorry, I think it's rude - they might have gone out & bought food already. Or turned down other invitations.

Just go to dinner on the Friday and have Saturday night in London.

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 00:23

It kind of turning it round onto them I suppose Grin

But it's also acknowledging you'd like their 'permission' to go on the weekend because you think a lot of them.

The shitty thing to do would be to all come down with flu and croak an apology down the phone to them (or text if you were really horrible Grin) before fucking off without a thought for them.

You're asking for advice on t'interweb about it, that doesn't say to me that you couldn't care less.

They must know this about you from how you've treated them in the past and won't take it as a slur on their company?

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 00:24

I should really put a disclaimer that I'm not sociable at all and avoid company at all costs Grin

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:26

Oh lordy. I don't want to go on Saturday as it's such a long way for one night with 2 dc....and we'll lose a whole day! I want it ALL!! Blah. I will try to work up my courage and tel them tomorrow...I will be honsest Agent...I WANT to croak down the phone but can't do it. I will say the truth!

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 12/04/2012 00:26

friendships are hard to find, personally i would preper to spend the evening with friend and family.

birthdaygurl · 12/04/2012 00:27

I would go and tell them why. No biggie.

AnyFucker · 12/04/2012 00:31

in your situation I would goto london

48 hours isn't too bad to cancel...although you are not calling until tomorrow, so that is actually 24 Hmm

but these dinner people have freezers don't they ?

the food won't get spoiled

any booze can be saved

just be very honest and say you won't get this chance to use the flat again

you could always lay it on slightly thick about money being very tight and free use might mean it's your only holiday, you and H need some quality family time together etc etc

ilovesooty · 12/04/2012 00:36

I think it would be rude to cancel because you've had a better offer, especially with such short notice.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:37

That's near the truth anyway AF I mean we really are struggling and t's only by chance we have money for spending this weekend....if we were as we usually are then we wouldn't even have the bloody train fares! Grin

I think we have to go....the DDs can see so much in London and I want to see old friends so much. There are people I've not met for ten years who are always on at me to go down.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/04/2012 00:38

there ya go then !

ring 1st thing tomorrow, don't wait until the evening in case they start prepping food the night before

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:41

Gah. Ok. It's always me who has to decide....DH will leave it up to me and be blameless. I will call in the morning.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/04/2012 00:43

oh yeah

my DH lets me make all those kind of difficult decisions too Grin

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:43

Thank you all and AF are you called AF because of a reference to talking to people on the net...and it could be "Any Fucker" ?? Grin or did I jus make that up myself?

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 12/04/2012 00:44

If I was the host to the dinner party, you'd have
a long wait for another invite ( though I am hormonal which could affect my decision).

AnyFucker · 12/04/2012 00:45

mary, I used to have another name (which shall remain nameless here)

then a lovely poster I used to chat to a fair bit, who is very busy now with RL difficulties, had been offline for a while and when she came back she said "I don't know any fucker any more"

so I namechanged to this name, and said "well, you know me, ta-daaaa"

and it stuck Smile

AThingInYourLife · 12/04/2012 00:56

What Pancake said.

Enjoy your trip. Hope hurting your friends' feelings is worth it.

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