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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away for the weekend when I have a long standing dinner invitation on Friday?

138 replies

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:04

I know I ABU but I want to go away! I want to go to dinner too but going away has more appeal...we never go away as a family and haven't had a break for three years. Not even a weekend away.

We have been offered the use of a friends flat (lovely one in Kensington too) for the weekend...the offer came to us this evening and we could have the flat for two nights...Fri and Sat.

We have never taken the DC to london and yet some friends are expecting us for dinner on Friday night with DC in tow.

I have been looking forward to the dinner...but this weekend is also the first weekend we have had a chance to go away....am I BU to cancel dinner and take up the offer of the flat? DH is all for telling the truth to the mates but I know they'll be VERY dissapointed and possibly hurt too...there won't be another chance to take the flat as the friend is leaving it soon to return to his home country.

OP posts:
DumSpiroSpero · 12/04/2012 09:03

Awkward - assuming you do go, of the three 'big' museums, I would definitely recommend the Natural History Museum. It's by far my DD's favourite - she's 7 and we've been 3 times in the last couple of years and could still go and see new things.

Also if you want to do something on the Thames, standard Transport for London boats are cheap and cheerful and under 5's go free - much more affordable than doing a tourist river cruise type thing and you see exactly the same views!

BiscuitNibbler · 12/04/2012 09:04

I'd be hurt, I have to admit. I would also realise that we weren't quite the friends I thought we were so would probably distance myself in the future to avoid future hurt.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 09:07

Thanks Dum If we go I will sort that out as DD loves dinosaurs and things....we know London very well as we lved there before and I love it....since having DC I have been bck three times only for work....I will definitely look at the Transport for London Boats as the DC would like that for sure.

I am waiting for DH to finish cutting down a tree outside then I will decide for sure....I am still rather torn and my friend wont wake up for ages yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 09:08

Biscuit we've been friends for thirty years...we've been through a lot more than a cancelled dinner date...if you are that much hard wotk then I'm sure you go through mates in a matter of weeks.

OP posts:
callmemrs · 12/04/2012 09:08

£100 for train tickets is a lot of money to some! I think if you can afford that then realistically you can save up, look for vouchers online for discounts etc and plan a weekend in cheap accommodation at a later date. No, it won't be a luxury pad in Kensington but I got the impression it was wanting to show the kids london which was the key thing.

That way you don't miss out on London and you don't offend your friends. No matter how good the friends are, it's disrespectful to cancel on people just because a better offer has come along.

By the way- how long exactly is this train journey? I am struggling to think of where you're coming from where you can't leave sat morning as soon as cheap fares kick in, and be in London for late afternoon/ evening and all day Sunday. I would have thought that's still a realistic option if you're determined to not miss out on the freebie

AThingInYourLife · 12/04/2012 09:10

" have an alternative date for dinner to put to them so it is all rearranged"

Jesus, even if you must blow off your supposedly good friends because their invitation no longer appeals, FFS don't invite yourself to their home on an alternative date.

You are basically telling them to shove their hospitality and their planning up their arses.

Maybe that won't offend or put them out in any way, but you don't get to impose yourself on them in future.

You can cancel, not postpone.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 09:12

Callme but it's like anything...the money WILL be filtered away over coming weeks....something will come up....we can't REALLY afford to go....we should put that money away and keep it for unexpected bills etc but when you've not been away for as long as us you get slightly desperate.

Weve had a windfall and I know it'll get spent on something sensible within weeks. The journey is about 3 hours...we live up NOrth. It's not so much the time of the journey but the loss of almost a day....grumpy kids who wont have had one day without travelling isn't fun. Going on the Friday early means that Saturday is totally free..

OP posts:
MargueritaaPracatan · 12/04/2012 09:14

Would you truly enjoy yourself knowing you'd flaked on your friends. Sometimes life sucks, they'll be other times.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 09:14

I see this dillema has really polarized people...I would like to say that I am a very good friend....I never let people down and go out of my way to accomodate. I do think though that this is somethign where a weekend away is for the good of the family.

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 12/04/2012 09:16

".if you are that much hard wotk then I'm sure you go through mates in a matter of weeks."

Being offended when someone is downright rude doesn't make someone "hard work".

You certainly sound like a piss-poor friend to me, coming up with bogus reasons why you have no choice but to let them down, and now insinuating that people should be happy to put up with poor manners and a lack of basic consideration from you if they are a "real friend".

Agree with Ali, it's not hard to see why your social life is quiet.

Have a great time in your luxury apartment.

AThingInYourLife · 12/04/2012 09:18

" this is somethign where a weekend away is for the good of the family."

Yeah, course it is Hmm

Great manners you're teaching your kids, BTW.

DinahMoHum · 12/04/2012 09:18

Id call them and say the truth, that youve got an opportunity to use someones flat for the weekend in london, and youre torn because youve been so looking forward to this dinner, but wouldnt have another chance for the flat or to get away in the near future. Ask if theyve bought the food and is there any chancew of postponing till next friday. If they say its bought, then I think you need to do the dinner date instead of London, but if they havent, they might be fine about it, but sound upbeat and happy to still go to dinner if necessary

callmemrs · 12/04/2012 09:19

Right- I was assuming you must be in Scotland and it was at least a 5 hour journey or something!

3 hours is perfectly doable and you can be in london by for lunchtime. Train is quite a good way to travel with kids- plan your journey so they have things to keep them occupied. They will be so excited arriving in London that I don't thing being fractious should be an issue. That leaves you a good stretch of the afternoon for museums and parks. Then all day Sunday and return sun eve.

I can't see a problem here. You can go to your friends Friday eve, explain that you can't stay too late as you have an exciting trip tomorrow... No one gets hurt or offended, you get to do both social things :)

GColdtimer · 12/04/2012 09:19

As proved by the vastly differing responses her there is no simple answer. I think it depends on two things:

What your friendship is like, have you let them down before, are they laid back about his sort of stiff or not? Only you know.

How you approach them. If you say, look we have a real dilemma - we don't want to let you down, but we've had this opportunity..... Etc. You will know from their response what you should do.

AThingInYourLife · 12/04/2012 09:26

All the differing responses prove is that "some people, they have no mannairs", as Mr Rude would say.

It is rude to pull out of a dinner invitation you have accepted at the last minute because you fancy 2 nights rather than 1 in a Kensington apartment.

StrawberryMojito · 12/04/2012 09:28

I'm sure they wouldn't begrudge you a weekend away in principle but it's the money thing...what if they have already shopped to feed your family? Is it fair to leave them out of pocket so you can have a cheap weekend? Go early on the Saturday morning.

Pancakeflipper · 12/04/2012 09:29

I think I am decent friend, I am happy person, I like to see others happy. I think I would be pleased for my friend getting a huge windfall. You said in your opening post your friends are likely to be hurt.

But ( and this is illogical but honest) being told it is cancelled the day before you were coming to mine would annoy me because I would have bought food, planned and arranged my social stuff around it. And I would have looked forward to it.

If you could have cancelled beginning of week, no problems.

You would have to woo me with a fav treat.

I would be glad for you and sad for me not having you for dinner. I know, it's silly..... But last week I got an email ( not a text or phone call - an email) off someone cancelling dinner with no explanation 3 hrs before they were due.

You have to tell them and I think they will be happy for you and hope you enjoy every minute. Just sad they won't see you.

AnnoyingOrange · 12/04/2012 09:29

I would do both too and have one night in London

DumSpiroSpero · 12/04/2012 09:37

I think if they have already started planning/shopping, you will have to compromise and just have the one night in London as to cancel in those circumstances would be a bit off.

Am Shock at how nasty some people here are being about it though.

MargueritaaPracatan · 12/04/2012 09:37

Btw, my sister visits regularly from central London. Comes at lunchtime then is back on the train at 11am back again the very next day. . I'm oop north too.

wellwisher · 12/04/2012 09:38

Massively rude, selfish and entitled to cancel dinner at such short notice (they will have already bought the food and it won't all be freezable). Get up early on Saturday morning and go then.

mumeeee · 12/04/2012 09:39

YABU. It is a bit late to cancel dinner with your friends now. They have probably already bought the food. I know when I invite people over for dinner I plan and buy everything a couple of days before. I would go to London on the Saturday you will still have plenty of time to do stuff.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 12/04/2012 09:39

I agree with Pancake that the timing is a key issue. If you cancel a week or two out then that is one thing - but the day before?

All those of you saying 'oh a real friend wouldn't mind'. No, all it means is that your friends have nicer manners than you and won't make a fuss.

I am really astonished at how many people are saying you should cancel at such short notice.

hairylemon · 12/04/2012 09:42

i think it depends on if there are any others going to the dinner. if so then you wouldnt be 'missed' as much and it would still go ahead. If it was just you and the hosts then I think it would be very very rude, what if they are really looking forward to it/cancelled a better offer themselves/bought loads of great expensive food in?

Depends if they are good friends and if you are not bothered about not getting dinner invites off them againI suppose, I couldnt do it though, tis very rude IMO.

BiscuitNibbler · 12/04/2012 09:47

.if you are that much hard wotk then I'm sure you go through mates in a matter of weeks.

Nice. I can see why you have such a hectic social life with an attitude like that.

I now think you are doing them a huge favour by letting them spend an evening without you and your atrocious manners.

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