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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away for the weekend when I have a long standing dinner invitation on Friday?

138 replies

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:04

I know I ABU but I want to go away! I want to go to dinner too but going away has more appeal...we never go away as a family and haven't had a break for three years. Not even a weekend away.

We have been offered the use of a friends flat (lovely one in Kensington too) for the weekend...the offer came to us this evening and we could have the flat for two nights...Fri and Sat.

We have never taken the DC to london and yet some friends are expecting us for dinner on Friday night with DC in tow.

I have been looking forward to the dinner...but this weekend is also the first weekend we have had a chance to go away....am I BU to cancel dinner and take up the offer of the flat? DH is all for telling the truth to the mates but I know they'll be VERY dissapointed and possibly hurt too...there won't be another chance to take the flat as the friend is leaving it soon to return to his home country.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 12/04/2012 07:55

I think just tell them and re-arrange, I'm sure they'd understand it's a one off.

BelleDameSansMerci · 12/04/2012 08:03

Suggest you invite them to yours soon to make up for letting them down... And make it a good dinner!

HolyCalamityJane · 12/04/2012 08:13

Get your DH to phone them and tell them it is a surprise for you that he has arranged it all and totally forgot about the long standing dinner. Would they mind awfully it is just that you really deserve this break etc but he knows you will be terribly anxious about letting them down. That gets you off the hook nicelyGrin

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 12/04/2012 08:14

I think you are being horribly rude.

What if they have had another offer to do something amazing for the weekend which they have turned down because you were coming for dinner?

If I had a family coming for dinner tomorrow I would have shopped already, my DCs would be excited, and I would be really pissed off.

You say you have no social life. Well here is your answer if this is how you treat people.

onadifferentplanet · 12/04/2012 08:17

Wuld it not be possible to go to dinner and then drive down to London ? It would mean a late night but that way you would get your two days in London.

everlong · 12/04/2012 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Threeprinces · 12/04/2012 08:20

I agree with you Alibaba, I think it would be very rude to cancel because a better offer had come up. It's no way to treat friends that may well have turned down other offers for this longstanding arrangement, not to mention fresh food shopping, them having to deal with fallout from their disappointed children etc. I think it would be a very selfish way to behave to cancel.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 12/04/2012 08:24

just tell the bloody truth, if they are real friends they will understand and rearrange as soon as you can both do it. bring them a pressie back and make it up to them with extra wine when you meet. as someone else said, when you tell them make it more of a 'what do you think' pretty much how you have here, if they are really hacked off then give up London and go but honestly if they are good friends they will understand. like you say though WHY is it that when you have something nice to do the other invites come in for the same day when the rest of the time you are wanting something to do, the law of sod at its best i think, happens to us EVERYTIME gahhhh. Have fun and don't let any guilt residue spoil it for you.

supernannyisace · 12/04/2012 08:24

If it were me I would go to dinner and travel to London on the Saturday.

I understand what you say about not having had a holiday for a long time, but wouldyou really enjoy it knowing that you had disappointed a friend? Even if they didn't show that they were bothered about you cancelling- they may be too polite to - it could always be therei n the background, that you cancelled on them for a better offer?

Can you leave dinner earlyish on Friday and travel down? Thereby still having all of Saturday and Sunday in London?

Yama · 12/04/2012 08:25

You never know - your friends might be relieved. They might have had a hellish week and the thought of hosting a dinner party with kids might be just about to push them over the edge.

If they are good friends they will understand. I would.

skybluepearl · 12/04/2012 08:28

I'd keep the dinner date and stay one night in london.

however I'd understand completely if we were your friends offering the meal and would want you to take london break as 2 nights.

OneLastSoul · 12/04/2012 08:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tw1gl3t · 12/04/2012 08:29

I think that iif your dinner friends know you haven't had a holiday for three years they will understand when you explain. If they are good enough friends then you can call and ask them what they think and at the same time ask them to dinner.

Good friendships are about understanding and support not duty. A two night break might not sound much to others who have lots of opportunities for such things, but as someone who has not had a holiday (even a weekend away) for 5 years I would absolutely be asking my friends for their support in this situation. After all, you would do the same if the situations were reversed.

skybluepearl · 12/04/2012 08:30

if they have bought the food, it would be very very rude

catsareevil · 12/04/2012 08:34

I think that it would be incredibly rude to cancel.

storminabuttercup · 12/04/2012 08:34

This is a tricky one.

I have a friend who let's me down if she gets better offers, usually 'a night out with my girlies' which hurts

Yet other friends who never let me down and if they had the offer off a trip to London I'd be angry if they didn't go for fear of letting me down.

I personally would rather go to the friends as I don't like London. A little cottage by the sea is a different story...

Have you called them

callmemrs · 12/04/2012 08:34

Right- I'm going to be brutally honest here. You say London is too far away from you to make it worth going up on the sat morning and staying over one night (which would give you most of the weekend )

This implies you are a fair old distance from London. Therefore, the cost of getting to London alone is going to be pretty exorbitant ( couple of tanks of petrol for there and back? Or hugely expensive rail tickets if you're going by train - the price will be huge as you haven't even booked yet ). You've then got the enormous costs of ANHTHING you do while in London. Even doing it on the cheap and not doing the tourist stuff, youve got parking (in Kensington!!) tube, etc

What this is leading up to is... I think you're being a little disingennuous playing the poverty card and making out this is your only chance to go as you have freebie accommodation.

Look online. There are some fairly cheap ways to stay in London- hostel type accommodation (not skanky but just basic, reasonable family accommodation). Or see if you can stay over with some of the London friends you talk about.

This way, you can go to dinner this weekend and plan another weekend in London without upsetting anyone. I just don't accept that you can realistically spin the line that this is a one off opportunity and you could never afford to go otherwise, when clearly going to spend on a VERY long journey (so long you can't go sat morning!) and you'll no doubt spend while there.

saffronwblue · 12/04/2012 08:36

I wouldn't stand up my friends. If you decide to do so, don't tell a lie- it will only make the whole situation worse.

SkiBumMum · 12/04/2012 08:36

I'd completely understand if my friend called me and explained. Just ask if they'd mine rearranging and offer to host them as soon as they can make it. Send some flowers / cupcakes (Living Social deal today!) to apologise. If they're good friend's they will understand. YANBU IMO.

Abra1d · 12/04/2012 08:38

I think it's rude to cancel at such short notice.

SkiBumMum · 12/04/2012 08:39

There are lots of free things to do in London btw. All the amazing museums and parks. Buy Oyster cards and travel isn't too bad. Have a fabulous time. Lots of threads on here with suggestions.

callmemrs · 12/04/2012 08:49

Ski- they have to GET to London- from a fair old distance away by the sounds of it. That doesn't come cheap. If they can afford to get there, they can afford cheap off peak family accommodation at another time (I am assuming work isn't an issue as they seem to be able to travel Friday day time)

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 08:55

Callme its 100 pounds for train tickets..we don't have a car but we do have a familiy rail card.

We would be doing free things...visiting parks and museums...one photographiic thing that costs 6 quid....it wouldn't cost a lot in that way and I'm not playnig the poverty card. We have a very low income.

OP posts:
DumSpiroSpero · 12/04/2012 08:57

callme - whilst I take your point about the cost of getting to and from London, I don't think many people could afford to rent a 2 bed apartment in Kensington for two nights just for the heck of it, which let's be honest does sound lovely.

Even hostel accommodation in London isn't cheap - I've just sorted out an overnight stay for me and DD at the end of June. To join the YHA and stay in family room at their Oxford Street hostel would have cost £78 (1 night, 2 people) without any food. The Travelodge in Covent Garden that I've now booked is £87 for the night including breakfast so not much different. Uni halls accommodation in the summer hols is even more expensive and I know that as much as I love London I certainly don't want to be anywhere near the place while the Olympics are on.

mum47 · 12/04/2012 09:02

YANBU to want to go to London. If your dinner friends are nice people and genuine friends, whilst they might be disappointed they will surely understand? Phone them immediately and be totally honest, and have an alternative date for dinner to put to them so it is all rearranged. Do not leave it until the salmon en croute is in the oven - that is U!