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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away for the weekend when I have a long standing dinner invitation on Friday?

138 replies

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 00:04

I know I ABU but I want to go away! I want to go to dinner too but going away has more appeal...we never go away as a family and haven't had a break for three years. Not even a weekend away.

We have been offered the use of a friends flat (lovely one in Kensington too) for the weekend...the offer came to us this evening and we could have the flat for two nights...Fri and Sat.

We have never taken the DC to london and yet some friends are expecting us for dinner on Friday night with DC in tow.

I have been looking forward to the dinner...but this weekend is also the first weekend we have had a chance to go away....am I BU to cancel dinner and take up the offer of the flat? DH is all for telling the truth to the mates but I know they'll be VERY dissapointed and possibly hurt too...there won't be another chance to take the flat as the friend is leaving it soon to return to his home country.

OP posts:
Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 12/04/2012 09:48

If you are going to cancel you have to do it NOW not tomorrow. Your friend will probably be getting the food today (if she hasn't got it already). Also gives her a chance to freeze stuff rather than wasting it if she has got stuff. Not fair to wait another 24 hours when it is such late notice anyway.

I actually think ringing your friend to say this has come up and would she mind awfully if you postponed is the only way to handle this if you really want to go to London.

sandyballs · 12/04/2012 09:51

We were in a similar situation a few years back. We were due at my best friends house to celebrate her DH 40th. A couple of days before another friend offered to have our boisterous, demanding two year old twins for a couple of nights so me and DH could go away. We were knackered, had very little help with the twins and grabbed the chance as we knew it would be unlikely to be repeated for a long time.

Friends were disappointed but I think they understood how much we needed the break. I still feel a bit guilty thinking about it but still think we did the right thing for us at the time.

Speak to your friends and see what they say.

Nanny0gg · 12/04/2012 09:51

Have you cancelled yet?
I'd be very interested in your friend's reaction (she is still your friend, is she?)
You want to cancel a long-standing invitation the day before, when if you had to do it you could have done it earlier?

I know it would have been disappointing to lose the trip, but bottom line, it's a pretty rude thing to do.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 12/04/2012 10:49

Speak to your friends and see what they say.

Well what can they say? They're hardly going to insist you come are they? They'll do what all polite people do, say "yeah, no worries" and then quietly relegate you down the mates list.

AnyFucker · 12/04/2012 11:05

mary...have you called them yet ?

callmemrs · 12/04/2012 11:32

PLEASE come back and tell us what you've decided to do!

I still think best option is catch a 9.30 train sat morning, be in central London by 12.30, whole of the rest of the weekend to enjoy AND you get to keep your dinner party friends.

penguin73 · 12/04/2012 11:33

FWIW I am with the people who think it is not ok, primarily because of the amount of notice. It would be a shame to miss out on the weekend in London but the alternative of travelling early Saturday and arriving mid-morning is a sensible one so you are not choosing to forsake a whole weekend, just a few hours which makes any decision to stand your friends up at such short notice rude imo.

SarahDoctorIndyHouse · 12/04/2012 12:28

OP I think your vicious retort to Biscuit is your guilt speaking.

I think I am with the majority view here that it would have been okay a week or so ago, but not at this short notice. FWIW if I were on the receiving end of this from my very best friend in the world it would be okay (but then my very best friend in the world wouldn't do it); I would be struggling if it were anyone else. I'm not saying it would be a deal breaker but I would be a bit miffed. So, knock yourself out and tell me I'm hard work and probably go through friends in a matter of weeks, I can take it Grin

Obviously going on Saturday is not ideal but you have to appreciate that sometimes you have to roll with the punches. If you go on Saturday you get most of the penny and most of the bun (and all of the dinner on Friday Grin)

callmemrs · 12/04/2012 12:31

Loving that expression Sarah- most of the penny and most of the bun!

saffronwblue · 12/04/2012 12:37

The more I think about the more I think it is not OK to cancel. Accepting an invitation is making a commitment. Without wanting to be too grandiose about it, it is stating that that is what you are going to do on that night, barring ill health or accident. It is not OK to take an invitation as a place holder unless something more appealing comes up.
Why don't you have a family weekend away somewhere local, then you can save on the fares? London will always be there.

Weta · 12/04/2012 12:38

Well I was on the receiving end of this kind of situation recently - had invited 2 families plus another couple to lunch and then a couple of days before one family had to pull out because she was about to give birth and was told by doctor she should stay lying down. That was fine of course, but then on the day, 3 hours before the start time, the other family rang to say they wouldn't be coming either...

Reason was that the wife's best friend (who lives a flight away) and family were going to be in a place 3 hours' drive away and wanted them to go over for the day. This left me with just 2 guests (who I'd never even met) plus our family instead of the total of 12 adults and 6 children I had planned for.

I was pretty upset, but decided to just get over it (after a few days!) as they were extremely apologetic, I did understand the reason and I value them as friends. I was also extremely grateful to the close friend and her husband who I invited at the last minute to make up the numbers, as they were totally cool about it.

That said, it would have been MUCH better to have known even a day in advance rather than a few hours ahead - I think then I would have been disappointed (but understood) rather than feeling so upset by it. And definitely tell the truth rather than making up any kind of lie!

AnyFucker · 12/04/2012 12:43

mary!

cabbagesoup · 12/04/2012 14:34

If you were my friend I would be more than happy that your had an opportunity like that crop up and tell you to go and have fab fun, and catch up next week etc... Blimey lives for living - opportunities come up - Take them and I would't get upset over grown up changes in plans... it happens.

CokeZeroAddict · 12/04/2012 14:41

Please don't cancel on your friends at such short notice. It would be terribly rude, and could possibly ruin your relationship. Things like that can really fester. I really wish people would be more honourable in their dealings with others.

storminabuttercup · 12/04/2012 14:44

I really hope the op has made her decision either way by now!

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 14:50

Honerable CokeZero?? It's cancelling a dinner not grassing the family up to the secret police Grin

Quenelle · 12/04/2012 14:50

I think if there were my very good friends of longstanding I would expect them to understand if I told them the truth.

I would probably grovel a lot and offer to have them all to dinner at ours next weekend to make up for it.

AgentZigzag · 12/04/2012 14:52

I think some people take inviting someone round to dinner a little too seriously.

It's a bit of nosh and chat round someones house.

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 12/04/2012 14:59

How big is the apartment?

If there's a spare bedroom (& they would fit), could you offer it to them and offer to cook a nice dinner for them Fri or Sat night in London to make up for bailing on them?

I think if you cancel you will have to offer something as "compensation" and at least this way you would be "compensating" them immediately!

RosieBooBoo · 12/04/2012 15:11

Shocked at some of the responses here and how important a dinner with long-term friends is! If my friend called me and said they had been offered a free weekend in London i would be bloody pleased for them, especially if they havent been anywhere for 3 years! I know my friends would be the same and i wouldnt take it as a personal insult that my friend was having a much needed weekend away with her family.

callmemrs · 12/04/2012 15:12

Or another idea: op , you mention Having friends in London. Why not arrange a house swap one weekend? Then you can do London on a budget at another time. You seem to be pinning everything on having to go this particular weekend... The city will still be there every other weekend

ZZZenAgain · 12/04/2012 15:23

I agree with Ghoul, if you are going to cancel, do it asap and not tomorrow. Also really just tell them the trtuh, don't make up some crap excuse.

Original poster
AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb · 12/04/2012 17:46

I didn't cancel. I WAS going to but our friend in London has offered us another time after all....so it's win win. Thank you guys.

OP posts:
everlong · 12/04/2012 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 12/04/2012 17:59

ah, all's well that ends well

have a lovely dinner with your friends tomorrow