To think that 14 miles in a car to school is ok?

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

It seems a long way, but that's where the school is?

Any thoughts?

I haven't been ostracised for my school choices, yet!

Surely the answer is that we all try to do our best for our children and, where there is a choice, we have to weigh up distance, quality of education and cost. For some distance is an issue, for others - cost in transport or fees, and for others friends or work commitment. I do not consider travelling a problem as, because of where I live, we all do it. But for others this would've put them off. Do what you think is best and see how it goes?

you missed out for the good of the local community

But you and your dcs can still play an active part in the local community irrespective of where they go to school.

it really doesn't

dd1 is better known in our town, despite never having been to school there (she is the one who travels 16 miles to school) than dd2, who is at a very local school (literally in the town centre)

they both tak part in local community things, and dd2's school is a major part of community life

And the community. Although, well educated children will play a better part in the wider community than those whose parents make the wrong choices for their family.

Silver frog, I know that your family has particular issues to deal with that most don't. Obviously things are different for than for the vast majority of families. but my basic premise remains. For the vast majority of primary age children a 14 mile journey to school would be a bad idea.

Surely, Seeker, it is not the distance but the time travelling. For some 14 miles might be a faster journey than others going 3?

yes, we do have circumstances that cause us to have made the choices (where we have the choice) that we have made.

but my points are still valid, seeker. dd1 is not bothered by the journey (she is 7), and would prefer to travel to her current school than to go to a local school.

dd1 is well known, and take sa big part in local community stuff, and consequently has local friends, as well as friends from school. it can be hard for us to see her friends from school, btu this is due more to the logistics of everyone's needs/routines than the distances involved.

dd2 is also not at the local state school, for various reasons, but is at a local school - this seems to not count towards any sense of 'community' though, according to some , despite dd2's school being the heart of the town. the community that builds up around the local state schools is far more fragmented, as there is a 3 school system in place here, and no obvious follow-on routes through school, so the community splits up after a few years, and is dotted around the far less coveniently placed middle schools.

dd2 will end up travelling to secondary school too. either 3 or 5 miles (on current expectations, but she is only 5, so they may change ). but that is how it is in this town. she will not be the only one, and will travel with her friends, I expect (by train or by school minibus, depending on where she goes)

We moved house 3 yrs ago and did not take our son out of his Primary school (we live in London). His school is 7.5 miles and it takes me 20 mins in the morning and maybe a little longer in the evening.

Only time it really bothers me is when i am ill and the thought of a 45 min round trip drives me insane

"dd2 is also not at the local state school, for various reasons, but is at a local school - this seems to not count towards any sense of 'community' though, according to some"

Not to me. This isn't about state/private- it's about travelling time and isolation from friends and all the rest.

Silverfrog, the suburb I grew up in had no secondary school either and children from the three national schools (= state primary in Ireland) went all over the place for secondary. I went to a primary school outside the community that fed directly into the secondary I eventually went to and that worked out very well. Ultimately I think the community you belong to as a teen is the one that will stick. A lot of the girls I knew going through primary and then the secondary friends went on to university with me.

My parents' decision to send me and my sisters to the non-local school had a lot to do with huge class sizes in the local kindergarten class -- 60 students and one teacher = not a good prospect according to my mother. I was sent to a school with two teachers for a kindergarten group of 50, plus a floating nun. Mum went on the bus every day with my two younger sisters to pick me up, sometimes got a lift for me from another parent going the same direction; by the time I was 7 I was taking the bus on my own as mum would already have taken the bus to pick up my younger sister from kindergarten (half day whereas I got out at 3) and when I was 8 and younger sis was in school til 3 I took her home too with mum meeting us at the bus stop. There were lots of activities in the village for village friendships to develop but everyone knew all the kids would be going separate ways for secondary no matter where they went for primary.

Right choice for the parents
Wrong choice for the kids

My parents made the same decision as the op for the same reasons. They thought at the time it was best for my brother and I and they are still sure they were right.

For my brother and I it was the wrong choice they made for the right reasons. But still a very wrong choice. My brother and I both suffered for this choice but my parents still unblinkingly know that they were right.

OP it sounds like you will do this and be happy with the decision even if your children are not. I suspect it will always be the right choice for you but not for your dc. I wonder Was there any point in your posting this question on aibu?

Essentialfatty - my experience almost exactly. I totally agree with you. That's why my dh and I decided to move 1/3 mile away from primary and future secondary so the dc live amongst their friends and have a social life and independence (I do realise not everyone can do this for one reason or another).

I'm assuming she means suffered socially, everlong. Living 10 miles away from his super duper academic school was disastrous for my brother who had no social life. This affected him well into his 20s.

blimey Essential; it's hardly child abuse it it?

OP - I think you are making a sensible decision. My best friend at school lived in Notts. Her teacher parents sent her to a private prep and then she passed the 11+ for grammer in Lincolnshire - 16 miles away. She had a social life believe me

I just think a teenager should have the option of getting home by herself after dark.

And a primary age child should be able to spontaneously invite a friend home to tea or be invited to tea without anybody having to make an extra 28 mile round trip.

And that's just for starters!

I did not have the option of getting home after dark (well, I did, but it was not safe) when I was a teenager going into the town centre. I was far safer going off to meet friends from school, miles away, and staying there before coming home the next day.

If I was meeting friends from town then we either did the same (stayed over somewhere conveniently safe) or got a taxi.

that had nothing to do with the fact that my school was 20 miles away, and everything to do with the fact that my home town was not safe. distance ot school had no impact on this. it was not safe for me to walk to the phoneboxes at the end of my road (less than 100m) after dark, let alone any further.

you are conflating 2 separate arguments, seeker.