To think that 14 miles in a car to school is ok?

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

It seems a long way, but that's where the school is?

Any thoughts?

I don't think you're lying, everlong- but you won't believe me either. We have different experiences, but mine is just as valid as yours! We live 5 miles from the nearest small town, a mile from the nearest station.

Ds is at school in the town. Most of his friends walk home- or at least live in walking distance. If I go to pick him up and he says "Can Fred come to tea?" I will of course say yes, but I have to factor in another 10 mile drive to drop Fred home. If I was the OP that would be an extra 28 miles! If he wants to go to tea with Fred, I either go home then come and collect him-15 miles (32 for the OP!) or hang around for a couple of hours waiting for him. Then temptation to say "no" is very strong. I don't- but it's a struggle sometimes!

But the only people apart from me who seem to see the slightest difficulty with this are the grown ups who were children who did it. Doesn't't that say something?

The whole choosing schools thing puts blinkers on people.

When we first moved here our eldest 2 dc went to a school which was 18 miles away, by school bus. There were endless problems with the other kids on the bus (this was a very (imo) expensive private school (paid for by dh work) btw.

Evenings, weekends & holidays were miserable and depressing - they didn't know any local kids, the holidays often didn't coincide and because of the journey time they were home too late to join in the local after school activities. It was quite intense on the family as they were so mutually dependant yet at the same time so sick of each other.

We then decided to stay long term, so pulled the kids out of the far away $$$ school and sent them to the local schools. Right from the word go it has been fantastic. They made friends with kids living locally, have a social life, and are a lot less stressed being able to walk a few minutes to the local school.

Even dd who went to nursery in the next village, only a couple of miles away is now at a Kindergarten in our village, so they all walk to their various places and even being a couple of minutes as aopposed to a couple of miles has made a huge difference.

For me, based on our experience, I would not consider to send them so far away unless there was absolutely no alternative.

I will drive 14 miles even if it kills me

Fine, but then why start the thread?

No, I think it's far too much hassle. And I cannot believe that every single school within a normal distance is shit either.

Interesting that the op hasn't come back to tell us what happened when she queried the schools she looked round about the incidents she witnessed.

Interesting as well that she has made up her mind before starting the thread! I suspect that she is having a real life "discussion" about the subject and was hoping for allies!

Not everyone who goes to a prep school lives near the prep school so the OP may well find that her ds has more local friends who go to the school. Ds's current school is in the next town. It is a 12 minute drive. His friends live between 10 and 30 mins from the school. The ones who live 30 mins from the school live 10 mins from us so it doesn't automatically mean that the OP will always be doing a 28/56 mile round trip for playdates.

If ds has playdates at his new school with friends who live near the school I won't be planning on going home during the playdate (if it is weekends or holidays rather than after school) as that would be a 40 mile trip in total! Not ideal but there are specific reasons for ds going to the school and there is no other more local alternative.

seeker I asked the same question way up the thread but the OP didn't answer me either. I think that she has probably faced some criticism in RL for her decision and was hoping that MNetters would be more supportive.

I'm lucky so far that no one in RL has criticised my choice of new school for ds although plenty on here would think boarding school at primary age is just plain wrong!

Ds will more than likely go to the nearest comp which is less than half a mile away and has an excellent community feel. When having the dreaded schools discussion with school gate mums one laughed at me when I said that ds would probably go to local school because it was so close. She said that distance was irrelevant.

You get a lot of that- people really do disappear up their own arses when it comes to "choosing" schools; I think a lot of them fancy themselves as some kind of educational connoisseur, when the reality is that if we all pretty much went local, most schools would be vastly improved.

Exactly BoF - I really ask myself if there have been studies to show (if indeed it would be possible?) if this availability of choice really is a benefit. It seems to cause so much stress, everyone of course wanting places in the 'best' school, and the inevitable disappointment when many people don't. I mean my sil is stressing, and has been for a while about which school her ds will go to. He's 2.

Here there is no debate or discussion. All kids automatically go to the local school. So all the kids in our street all go together to the same school which is less than 5 mins walk away. Then they are streamed into 1 of 3 tiers at secondary level. Again, the secondary school is only a few minutes away, 5 mins by bike.

No long journey, no debate, so stress. No one has their eye on the next school and wishes their child had got in there. Having experienced both systems, while this one is also not perfect - no system is - I know which one I prefer. It was by far the biggest factor that stopped us returning to the UK.

"a primary age child should be able to spontaneously invite a friend home to tea or be invited to tea" - that would require a SAHP then, presumably?

In which case I am ruining my DC's lives even though we live so close to their school. We don't do spontaneous. We can't.

I went to primary school ~7 miles from home and secondary school ~12 miles away. I don't hate my parents for it, nor feel scarred, and would make the same decisions they did in their place.

dd1 is not at the local school for obvious reasons (she is at a SN school; the one she goes to is the nearest one to us, as it happens, and also the most suitable (for her))

dd2 is not at the local state school because I do not like the system here (infant and middle school), it would not suit dd2, imo. and whilst the infant school at the end of our road is lovely, she would be there for 2 years, and then be off to the outskirts of town (not such a convenient destination at all) for middle school, and, imo it would be disruptive for her (she has plenty of ASD traits, and is an anxious child).

luckily I can solve that by sending her to the local prep, where she can stay until she is 11 or 13 (depending on which secondary she goes to). not quite at the end of our road, but less than a mile away.

I don't think that parents necessarily become experts n education when looking at schools, but they are usually the experts on their children. I do have experience of working out the best place for my child, based on what I know about them - that is what qualifies me to choose which school I feel is best for them.

What is this 'spontaneous' nonsense? I never had spontaneous playdates nor do my dc. Everybody appears to be growing up ok nevertheless. The reactions on this thread aren't about the OP driving the distance. It's all being driven by the fact that some posters don't like the fact that she viewed her local schools, didn't like them and has found an alternative she thinks will suit her dcs better. Apparently that's one of the greatest crimes you can commit now.........

No it isn't read the thread northernlurker and stop projecting your prejudices on other people.

I have read the whole thread and if you want to see a poster projecting her prejudices you may want to look in the mirror Seeker.

I love the three tier system. Sorry for random post But mine have done lower and the middle (not upper yet) and it seems to work really well

This isn't a criticism of you silverfrog, I just want to reassure others who might be panicking about the three tier system-as I was before I experienced it.

I have been doing long distance school runs for 9 years. I do think that might just qualify me to have an opinion on the subject.

I didn't take it as a criticism, Agincourt

we all have likes/dislikes about schools and systems! there are plenty of people in my town who are happy with the three school system, and others who are not so happy. it takes all sorts.

if the school had been right for dd2, then we would have supported her through the changes. but where she is is a better fit, for her, and for us as a family - the wrap around care which is needed because her sister is at a school 16 miles away, the in-built opportunities for clubs and activities which I would not otherwise be able to get her to, etc.

Okay my Mum didn't go to her local school (she was bright basically) and I think regretted it as she felt very disconnected from her local friends, which actually resulted in her being expelled.
This meant when it came for me to go to secondary, although I didn't go to the catchment one (bullying issues) she didn't even consider or tell me until later about the option to go to another school "outside my community". I think this was a mistake, although I can see her reasoning. I did okay where I went, but had an awful time with bullies, at the out of community school I would have done better and been happier. (I would have fitted in far more.)

I know children who travel quite long distances to schools, and it is the best for them. I even know one boy who swapped from A journey of 6 miles to a school he was unhappy at, to a journey of 22 miles to a school where he is now thriving. It really depends on the child, and the schools.

If you are driving, I would prefer the school to either be convenient for home or work, as it makes it easier.