To think that 14 miles in a car to school is ok?

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

It seems a long way, but that's where the school is?

Any thoughts?

Hiss give me a break love, im not 100% sure of anything, it's helpful when people's opinions show what they have given up, be it time, petrol etc also when they don't give up things. And why.

14 miles was the ? Here, it's true maybe I should of started this thread elsewhere, feel like i have to justify every sentence I write, to certain people. I know I asked the ? To start with, I know 'if you don't like what you read you shouldn't post etc'

I know people have said its not easy picking a school etc and I agree, I just wanted people's opinions, for and against- thanks fatty acid great analysis :)

I am very tired, will pick up this thread tomorrow when I am not saving lives...but looking after my dc, maybe i will be a little upbeat then.

X

Sorry, please feel free to ignore me. It is just such a huge long-term commitment to make that, at least for me, I had to make sure that there was no other option or combination of options that would work.

I did a spreadsheet factoring in average annual increase, holiday cover costs, trips, uniform etc to see if the black and white reality was affordable. I didn't have to factor in car costs though as that wasn't a factor that differed between state and private.

The journey you are proposing would be a deal breaker for me unless there was something amazing about the school you've chosen. It is a lot of time in the car and petrol costs if you aren't 100% sure.

AIBU is a part of MN that invites people to comment with forthright and direct opinions, which you have now realised.

Good Luck with your decision making OP - and don't feel you have to defend your choice, whatever it may be, to strangers on the internet.

One factor - you mentioned that the school was quite close to work - that makes a huge difference. Even for our 10 minute (at most) journey it matters that it is in the same direction as work - if it were 10 mins the other way, that would add 20 mins to both my morning and evening journeys, and mean that I had to leave 20 mins earlier to make it back for DC. So in effect, some of the round trips to school will be ones you are making anyway to go to work.

"Seeker after I'd witness what I did at the 3 primaries I didn't say anything at the time, because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. No doubt you'll shoot me down for this "

I won't shoot you down- but I do think it's a little odd. Both that you saw something so extreme at each of the schools you visited and that you didn't question it. And that you are using those incidents as a reason to rule the schools out absolutely without further investigation.it does sound as if you've made your mind up- in which case, why ask?

It seems to have been the OP's first time looking at her local schools. When parents are new to the whole choosing schools things, it is difficult to know what to question and how to do it. That's certainly how I used to feel.

We aren't all super-confident about this sort of thing. You say yourself seeker that you've been doing it for 9 years, so you know what's what. You also come across as very sure of yourself and your opinions. Not everyone is like that.

I haven't read all this thread yet but every day I travel about 90 miles to and from school. My child was in a high school closer but it really wasn't the right place for him so I had to find the right place. This is it. It's unfortunate it's so far. We will probably move to make it easier.

Diabolo- I'm not as sure of myself as the op-at one point on this thread she "I will drive the 14 miles even if it kills me"!

Seeker - I don't think you've been dismissive of other opinions or given anyone a 'hard time'! I think you have argued passionately like a dog with a bone because you care about this issue. I do too. And I agree with you completely.

Of course there are some good experiences of living 10+ miles from school. But it is not ideal if you can possibly help it.

I spoke upthread about my brother who had a shitty school experience because he had no social life, living 10 miles from his grammar school, and this resonated well into his adult life.

That's why we live on top of our local primary and secondary schools.

Oh and I will be okay with my children to 'hang out with their friends in the evening' when they are old enough. That is part of growing up.

My 12 year old wouldn't have been hanging round with her mates either. But she's 16 now- and still needs lifts if it's after about 5.00 in the winter.

OP, in terms of looking at travelling times, please make sure that you do a dry run at the drop off and pick up times that you will be using. In my experience the journey is only one factor in terms of time - parking is easily as much of an issue, especially for private schools where the vast majority of parents drive. The whole "finding a parking place, walking from there to school gate and back again and manoeuvring out of a tight space on a busy road" can easily add up to 30 minutes onto a drop-off/pick-up. Even if a school has a car park say I would still do a dry run to check the reality of the situation!

Will your child get a social life with school friends? Its not just the journey to and from school, you'll have to make a big effort not to isolate them from friends by making this choice for them (my parents did similar and I think it was the wrong decision tbh, never had local friends and was a big deal to be ferried to and from school friends). Depends how truly terrible the local schools are I suppose, but at primary you could help your child keep up with reading, writing and maths yourself, as long as the local schools are not unpleasant places to spend the school day.

That's very sensible advice above. I have factored into my timing, the fact that traffic may be bad but because I have other children who can't be dropped off before a certain time so I can leave with the one who is travelling so far, I only have a 10 minute crisis gap. I investigated other ways of getting to the school in case of road closures so I could still make it on time.

I wouldn't say it was easy but you will know what's right for your child. Because we make this journey, I have a boy who sings in the car on the way home and that makes it completely worthwhile. He is a happy boy.

We will move once we are out of the massive early repayment charge on the mortgage just so I don't have to spend 3 hours driving to and fro each day. If you also work, you will want to think about the impact this will have on your day. I admit I struggle. Also, you need to think about what happens if they are sick in school. I can't get there for 45 minutes and that depends whether my other children are able to stay in their school, I.e. how close to them finishing it is.

Thanks ladymuck, doing a dry run is an excellent idea! It would give us more accurate timings to work with. :)

Also got an email today to say she has got into a state school- the one where the headmaster kicked a bag

X

Don't forget to put him on the waiting list for the nearest Beavers- that's a good way of making local friends.

And please go and look at the school again- the bag kicking incident was by far the oddest one!

Thanks ever long, we will take dd to state school to have a look around, she's been the to Indy as she has had assessments there- seems fair.

X

If the school is on your way to work (sorry, missed that bit earlier) then surely you'd know what doing the school run is like?

Ds's new school is a 15 minute drive at weekends or evenings. School mornings it will be about 35 minutes on average and up to 45 minutes if there is a problem on the motorway (we have to cross a feeder road). I couldn't contemplate doing that journey every day, twice a day.

In what context did he kick the bag? Did he just move it with his foot ? Sorry Im nosy !
Im wondering why you have mentioned this and not the general atmosphere of the school,do the pupils look happy, what is the standard of achievement,which secondary do they feed into ?

Good advice above about the dry run - I would do it at the times you will be travelling .

Hiss for us I think its more for parking more than anything else.