To think that 14 miles in a car to school is ok?

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

It seems a long way, but that's where the school is?

Any thoughts?

I am suggesting that they can choose whether to go out or to stay in, and also suggesting that they can make more flexible arrangements, and faster, than anything DCs experienced in past decades. My DCs go out just about every weekend and sometimes during the week, and as I have mentioned, they are in constant touch with their friends even when they're not meeting face to face. The rules of social engagement have changed a lot since I was a social butterfly. They have FB and phones and laptops. It would be unthinkable to them not to be in constant touch.

Agree with Seeker completely. Think its really sad that phoning friends - social networking etc is supposed to be adequate or some kind of compensation. A good local network of friends that you actually spend face to face time with outside school is so important.

Did you see the bit where I described my DCs going out on weekends and sometimes during the week?
It's not a case of either/or here...

everlong Why doesn't my argument hold? I was comparing the lifestyle of 2 sets of children that I know well. In the case of my niece and nephew, they get home at 4.45, do 45 minutes homework, 30 minutes music practice, eat tea, and go to bed. And have about 30 minutes to play. They are "allowed" 1 after school activity each, and on those days they don't get any play time. They don't have time to have friends to play or go to the park during school days. Yes, that's not all about the travelling but about the very academic and musical nature of the particular school, but I can see if you are going out of your way to attend a particular school you want to get the most out of it.

You can't really extrapolate from specific worst case scenarios to a general argument.

Sorry just been catching up with thread. I know some of you guys wanted me to come back on and comment, but been at Work etc

Just to say a huge thank you for everyone's opinion, they have been funny, informative, caring and some a little mean. I've had this debate with friends and family, just wanted to know what you all thought with your own life experiences.

Seeker after I'd witness what I did at the 3 primaries I didn't say anything at the time, because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. No doubt you'll shoot me down for this

We find out tomorrow what state school dd will be allocated, we will then make a decision together.

X

If you have 30 minutes of travelling each way (plus 5 minutes to walk from school to car plus 5-10 minutes contingency) that's around 1.5 hour of your day that you can't spend doing anything else. For a child that has a limited amount of time after school that does limit opportunities. I accept that it's possible to do more with your limited time than my SIL does.

My Ds goes to a dyslexic school 13 miles away.

The trip takes me 1.30hrs.(then again after school) then I have to take daughter to nursery and I have to be at work by 9.15am - it's a nightmare if I think about it but you just have to get on with it. (I'm a single mum).

They only get one chance at education and whilst they are young enough I want to give them the best I can .

Of the adults who experienced this as a child and have made a clear indiaction of their opinion this is how I summarise the opinions:

Happy with long commute - toddlerama, jenstar21, brieaddict, silverfrog

Thought it was the worng thng for them: seeker, essentialfattyacid, cazza40, mosschops30, proudnscary, mummytime's mummy

so a mixed bag.

I went to a school that was and still is top ten in the UK. I did unusually well academically and from this school I won an academic scholarship to a major public school for 6th form. I was lonely, stressed out and unhappy in childhood. My parents though our local schools were crap. They are still convinced they made the right choice for me and my brother. Neither my brother nor I think that they did.

There is often a price to pay for sending your child to "the best" school beyond the fees. OP you will pay part of this price yourself. Your children will also pay a price. Maybe it will be worth it for them. Maybe like my parents you will judge it to be worth it for them and as adults they will decide that your decision was wrong and that they have paid too high a price themselves for your decision. Or maybe not.

Sorry I need to add clary to the list of adults who would have preffered to go to a local school - so it's 7 to 4.

And me. Although I'm coming at it as a supporter of local schools for my own children, and my parents (teachers) were the same.

Put me down on the list of commuters who were happy with it. Good school, nice people, fed into secondary that was also a good school with nice people on the whole.

Lonely - friends lived a long way away, I depended on my parents to take me to see them, they did their best but it wasn't like having friends on your doorstep. Existing local friends shunned me as I had apparently magically become a snob overnight by virtue of going to a private school. After school activites weren't easy to accommodate so I often didn't ask to do them eg I was good at hockey but never joined the team. There was a clique of kids who lived near the school and socialised a lot out of school, independently of their parents. I could never belong to this.

Stressed by the time spent in the car in rush hour with another family we car shared with who argued a lot of the time, by the length of the day incl travel time, and by the academic hothouse nature of the school. I got car sick. Also stressed by trying to make my parents proud by achieving academically. My best achievements were objectively speaking unusually good but incredibly were never enough for my parents who expected a big return on their "investment".

Unhappy as a result of the above.

My brother's experience was different but again he was happier at local schools. Both of us went to our village school until we were 7. Happy Days.

i didn't mind it that much in the way that kids just accept stuff - BUT i will now not live more than cycling distance from work and preferably walking distance, we make lots of compromises to allow that and i put it all down to my childhood experience of spending an hour and a half every day in traffic.

maybenow I too live less than 2 miles from my work for the same reason
It means we have a much smaller house than we could otherwise have - I think it is worth it.

I commuted between 3 to 16 miles to the various schools I attended, they were the nearest schools, so I had no choice. It did make for a long day and it's not something I'd want for my own child.

OP I'm glad that you've returned and answered the question that both I and seeker asked. However I do think it is rather odd that you didn't question what you saw at any of the schools.

Didn't you start another thread about whether it is worth making sacrifices for private education? Is it worth considering making sacrifices when you may have not fully explored your state school choices?

If school fees are going to be a struggle for you and you are faced with a long school run then you should surely be absolutely sure, beyond all doubt, that you are making the right decision. If I were you I would revisit the state options just to confirm. You have years of school fees ahead of you and it will probably not be all smooth sailing. If it were me I would want the comfort of knowing that the decision I made was the only option for my dcs and my circumstances.

Ever long if I had stayed local then my friends would have continued to live within my village so I could have continued to see them every day and been more independent with my social life. My patents did invite my friends over at weekends quite often, generally for the whole weekend, and I went for weekends with them. But it wasn't enough to stop me greling lonelt. I'm glad your kids have an active social life. If they are happy and love school then it sounds like your decision for your family is a good one.

Feeling lonely not greling lonelt!!! Posting on my phone, can you tell?