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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I should be able to bring a "plus one"

131 replies

juneybean · 03/04/2012 20:24

I've been invited to my friends wedding later this year, the invite simply states my name, I am currently single.

I text friend asking if there was a particular reason for no "plus one" and she said that they were limited on numbers and there will be plenty people there who I know.

AIBU to think that's not the point and that if I was in a relationship my partner would be invited, but just because I'm single I've got to go along and be a third wheel to some other couple. I have checked my the rest of our circles partners have been invited.

I mean it's fine her wedding, she can invite who she wants but doesn't really make me inclined to go.

OP posts:

AllthatshewantsisanotherBBaby · 03/04/2012 20:24

Imho yabu

whostolemyname · 03/04/2012 20:26

YABU! If you will know lots of people there whats the problem?

ENormaSnob · 03/04/2012 20:26

Yabu

Eglu · 03/04/2012 20:26

YABU. Maybe she only wants people at her wedding that she knows, rather than some random date you choose to bring.

KazzaRazza · 03/04/2012 20:27

Who would you take if you had a 'plus one'?

Original poster

juneybean · 03/04/2012 20:27

I don't feel much like being a gooseberry I guess.

OP posts:

Original poster

juneybean · 03/04/2012 20:27

Probably my best friend who my friends know of but haven't met as she lives down south.

OP posts:

McHappyPants2012 · 03/04/2012 20:27

Tbh I wouldn't want a stranger at my wedding yabu.

ilovesooty · 03/04/2012 20:28

The reasons behind the invitation sound fine to me. Don't go if it bothers you that much.

Kladdkaka · 03/04/2012 20:28

Maybe she wants to be the one to decide who gets to go to her wedding. YABU

ilovesooty · 03/04/2012 20:28

Why can't you talk to the people you know there?

AdornMeWithSparkle · 03/04/2012 20:29

YABU I think. I'd only invite a partner along if they'd been on the scene for a few months at least, I think, especially as you'll know loads of people there.

However, I know my friend felt a bit put out when she was invited to a wedding with no plus one option as she felt the assumption was she would never have a boyfriend - however, that was, IMO, her issues rather than anything else. I assumed that our mutual friend knew she didn't have a boyfriend at the time so didn't put one on the invitation.

hathorinareddress · 03/04/2012 20:29

I don't get all this angst on MN about weddings/parties/anything else you're invited to.

You got an invitation.

You can either accept or decline the invitation.

If you don't like the "terms" of the invitation, turn it down and don't go.

Simples.

Original poster

juneybean · 03/04/2012 20:30

All my friends have husbands/partners and will probably be talking/dancing with them.

Like I say, it's her wedding, I just won't go because I don't have enough self-esteem to go alone.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 03/04/2012 20:30

Maybe they only had space for one more and they only invited you because you were single?

Sunscorch · 03/04/2012 20:30

Is this some odd sort of wedding where there are only couples being invited, save yourself?

Suck it up.

ChaoticAngel · 03/04/2012 20:30

YABU The fact is is you are not in a relationship and the couple will not want to have to exclude a close friend they could include just so you can invite a random plus one.

LydiaWickham · 03/04/2012 20:31

YABU - she will probably sit you on a table with people you know, particularly if you go on the hen do and get to know some of the other woman.

Flisspaps · 03/04/2012 20:31

YABU.

We invited our friends and family, and specifically mentioned no '+1s' - we wanted to celebrate our marriage with people that we knew and loved and not people we'd never met.

If you had a partner, they'd be invited. It won't be just you who would want a +1 - there'll be other people wanting to bring a guest too (family included) so a small, intimate wedding can balloon pretty quickly and you end up with a load of people you don't know there, and you end up having to pay for the bloody privilege.

If you don't want to go, then don't, but IMO if you were really their mate then you'd stop being sulky (because that's how you sound to me) and turn up on the day to celebrate their union and have a bloody good time without a +1.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 03/04/2012 20:31

YABU. My two best friends were single when I got married and they came with each other, which I knew they would.

ImperialBlether · 03/04/2012 20:32

I've had this and really resented it. There are usually strangers at a wedding - if you invite work friends it's unlikely you'll know your friends' partners. It's pretty miserable going to a wedding on your own, in my experience. Yes, you can talk to others, but if they all have partners, you start to feel like a spare. When I was invited I resented the fact that colleagues' husbands/partners who weren't even very nice to them were invited and I couldn't invite a friend.

If I'd had a true choice, I wouldn't have gone.

Original poster

juneybean · 03/04/2012 20:32

"My two best friends were single when I got married and they came with each other, which I knew they would."

So they had each other?

OP posts:

HandMini · 03/04/2012 20:33

Unreasonableness by you. Even if you had a partner it's not the law that they have to be invited.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 03/04/2012 20:34

You are likely to get lots of YABU's for this, but I don't think YABU.

We gave everyone without a partner a plus one at our wedding, although there were only a few singles that made use of it because lots of them knew each other. Without fail, every one of them was surprised and asked if we were sure it was ok to bring a date. One of my single girlfriends brought another girlfriend because she wasn't going to know anyone else.

The way I see it is that wedding guests should be as happy and comfortable as possible, and for some of them that will mean bringing a plus one. It did mean we ended up with two people in our group wedding photo that I only ever met on that one day, but it's like a reminder of where our lives and our friends lives were at at the time we got married. As long as they are plus ones that are respectful of the fact that they are a guest of a guest, I don't see the problem. A lot of people stayed overnight at our wedding, and I don't think it woudo have been fair to make a single have to pay the entire cost of the room on their own.

I also don't think that 'restricted on numbers' is ever a good excuse for not inviting plus ones, children etc. You write a guest list, work out the rough capacity you need, then find a venue that will work. Not the other way round. Anyone who does do it the other way round is perfectly entitled to do so, but they are the type of people that care more about the venue than they do about their guests.

ilovesooty · 03/04/2012 20:34

I don't see why people who come as a partnership are going to talk exclusively to their partners and no one else. If you think you'll feel like a spare part that says more about you and your mindset than anyone else.

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