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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I should be able to bring a "plus one"

131 replies

juneybean · 03/04/2012 20:24

I've been invited to my friends wedding later this year, the invite simply states my name, I am currently single.

I text friend asking if there was a particular reason for no "plus one" and she said that they were limited on numbers and there will be plenty people there who I know.

AIBU to think that's not the point and that if I was in a relationship my partner would be invited, but just because I'm single I've got to go along and be a third wheel to some other couple. I have checked my the rest of our circles partners have been invited.

I mean it's fine her wedding, she can invite who she wants but doesn't really make me inclined to go.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 03/04/2012 21:49

These other guests bringing "proper" partners - there's no automatic rule that the happy couple will know the partner from Adam either. Any more than if the OP brought a " random" friend.

whackamole · 03/04/2012 21:50

I think YANBU.

I get married in 7 weeks and my brother and OHs step sister have been invited plus one - I actually think it's really rude to invite someone solo.

blubberyboo · 03/04/2012 21:53

YANB THAT U

yes it is the couple's big day and they have the call but i feel weddings are meant to be a celebration where everyone enjoys themselves not just the happy couple...how can someone celebrate with you if they are miserable themselves.

if i was the bride i would feel very uncomfortable thinking that one of my guests was lonely and i would feel that i would have to spend loads of time with him or her so that they weren't sitting on their own..rather than mingling with all my guests. i would be painfully aware that they were on their own and it would annoy me all day

i had a tiny wedding due to tight funds but i still allowed one guest to bring a plus one or else she would have not known anyone

and my evening do was a bit of a free for all where people could bring whoever they wanted..but everyone had a great night and the hotel sold a fortune in drink

ifancyashandy · 03/04/2012 21:54

HateSponge, anyone who made me feel like because I was single would be off my Christmas card list. Seriously, what is about some the 'single-ness' of some people that scares some married / partnered people so?

plutocrap · 03/04/2012 21:57

I've only resented being invited alone once, and that was when STBDH and I were already engaged. And it was a family wedding. Hmm Not awf'ly welcoming...

Otherwise if we were treated separately for invitations, I totally accepted the B&G's decision (even if I missed him - when "just" a long-term boyfriend). We excluded bf/gf we hadn't met from our wedding, too.

Hopefully, you can trust friends to look after your interests by thinking about where to place you. If not, don't accept...

blubberyboo · 03/04/2012 21:59

oh and quite often if a couple are invited but one (say for example the hubby can't make it due to work commitments or whatever )then often the wife would substitute his place with a friend as the place has already been budgeted for - usually never an issue in my experience and often the norm

Maryz · 03/04/2012 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kickmewhenimdown · 03/04/2012 22:00

YANBU, even if you know lots of people there its still not the same as actually going with someone iyswim. Lke you say, you will end up feeling the third wheel. I think i would be inclined not to go if I could not bring a plus one.

StellaNova · 03/04/2012 22:00

I didn't have any plus ones at my wedding, didn't occur to me as I have never been offered one either, or had it cross my mind that I would want one. Then again I have never been to a wedding where I didn't know a few people, and no-one I know would ignore me (or any friend,I don't mean I'm so brilliant everyone must talk to me) in favour of their partner. Why on earth? They see their partner every day!

On the other hand, my sister replied to her invitation to my wedding which was addressed only to her, on behalf of herself and her ex-partner (ex at the time of the invite, for some time before the invite, and ever since). I did find this odd, but just went oh - OK.

DoubleGlazing · 03/04/2012 22:01

YABU. Maybe her guests will include 20 single people and she doesn't have room to make this 40 due to everyone bringing a "plus one"?

TheSecondComing · 03/04/2012 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 03/04/2012 22:02

I very recently went to a friends wedding without a plus one. Really wouldn't have expected her to invite someone she's never met before in her life (unless they were my life partner that she happened to have not met) and I really wouldn't have wanted to spend my time at a wedding party introducing my plus one to everyone I knew and them having to make polite conversation. Neitehr would I have wanted to go and spend the evening babysitting a friend who knew no-one.

If you really don;t have the self-esteem to enjoy and evening out on your own I genuinely think this is not the evening for you. Decline politely and graciously and go out for dinner with your friend if thats who you want to spend the evening with anyway.

ImperialBlether · 03/04/2012 22:04

It's not a matter of not having the self esteem, Kewcumber. That really sounds insulting. It's just that it can be really boring to be the only single person amongst couples. And yes, sometimes it's okay, but often you can tell it's going to be boring and that's why you ask whether you can take someone with you.

PuppyMonkey · 03/04/2012 22:06

But Kewcumber, why should your "life partner who bride has never met" be any different from op bringing a close friend or her sister or another plus one who bride has never met?

Kewcumber · 03/04/2012 22:15

Self esteem - I was referring to the OP's description of herself not making my own up. I don't know her! I know exactly what its like - I'm single and have been single on and off for the while of my 47 years and have NEVER been to a wedding accompanied. By anyone - partner, mother, sister or random friend.

Unknown life partner is only acceptable from the point of view that is is the norm to invite life-partners not random plus ones (at the weddings I have been to) though personally I would not invite people I didn't know to my fictitious wedding unless the person being invited knew no-one else.

May be its my age - I don;t see the big deal. If you have a problem going on your own and you won;t enjoy it then don't go.

solidgoldbrass · 03/04/2012 22:16

If you're single and all your friends are in couples and wierd about single people then find some new friends. If you won't socialise unless you've got a 'date' then you're the wierd one. And a wuss with it. Going out alone is far more fun than having to look after a partner who doesn't know anyone else or who wants to suck face all evening.

bonnieslilsister · 03/04/2012 22:17

I'm with you OP I can see exactly where you are coming from.

Kewcumber · 03/04/2012 22:17

Its if going to be so boring on my own that to relieve the boredom I need to someone with me, subjecting them to a day with 100 people who they don't know then I certianly wouldn't go!

Who on earth would agree to go to a wedding of someone they don't know? Howmuch can you possibly need a free drink?!

oikopolis · 03/04/2012 22:20

we couldn't afford more than 3 dozen people at our wedding. we didn't invite plus-ones because the space was so precious.

YABU, not everyone is rolling in money.
maybe they really wanted you there but honestly couldn't afford another head

MerylStrop · 03/04/2012 22:23

YABU

I hate weddings that are full of plus ones, it's rubbish, who DO know the bride and groom never get to connect.

You know lots of people, go and have a nice time with your mates.

VegimalStyle · 03/04/2012 22:55

YABU you come across as very selfish in your post. This isn't about you at all, it's about your friends getting married and having the day they've dreamed of.

You have 2 choices;

  1. Go and put effort into enjoying yourself whilst there. Let the bride and groom know you've had a great time (even if you haven't) and be thankful you have such lovely friends who want to share that evening with you.
  1. Be miserable, stay at home, don't see your friends. But come up with a fucking good reason why you've snubbed them and their wedding. Oh and let them know well in advance so they can give your place to someone who they had to leave out due to space constraints.
DamnBamboo · 03/04/2012 23:30

If you know lots of people, then how are you playing gooseberry?

YABU to expect the couple to pay for someone (they may not know) just so you aren't alone in a room full of people you know, when you don't actually have a partner who you would consider taking.

Hmm
DamnBamboo · 03/04/2012 23:31

Oh, and by the way, this day is not about you!

That is all!

botoxschmotox · 04/04/2012 08:34

If it was my wedding I wouldn't be too willing to spend a fortune on +1s for people I will most likely not know and probably never see again.

Is there ways of minimising the awkwardness for you? Could you arrange to arrive with or meet friends at the venue so that you don't have to walk in on your own? Once you get inside, grab a cheeky glass of something, and concentrate on smiling and chatting to as many people as you can - and then hit the dancefloor with your mates! It would be a shame if you missed out on a good time (and other good times) because of not feeling confident to go somewhere on your own.

Indith · 04/04/2012 08:41

Sorry juney my dear but having been limited for both numbers and money we didn't do plus ones, nor did we invite boyfriends etc who we didn't know! It was married/living together only.

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