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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I should be able to bring a "plus one"

131 replies

juneybean · 03/04/2012 20:24

I've been invited to my friends wedding later this year, the invite simply states my name, I am currently single.

I text friend asking if there was a particular reason for no "plus one" and she said that they were limited on numbers and there will be plenty people there who I know.

AIBU to think that's not the point and that if I was in a relationship my partner would be invited, but just because I'm single I've got to go along and be a third wheel to some other couple. I have checked my the rest of our circles partners have been invited.

I mean it's fine her wedding, she can invite who she wants but doesn't really make me inclined to go.

OP posts:
GavisconJunkie · 03/04/2012 20:34

Weddings are expensive and you want her to buy dinner (total cost per head is on average £70 btw for dinner, wine, the venue fee & buffet) for some random?

YABU

emsyj · 03/04/2012 20:35

Well I think YANBU - I invited all singles 'plus one' to my wedding, I just think it's polite and normal, but prepare for lots of people to disagree!

Eglu I see what you're saying about random dates, but IMO the guests should enjoy the day too - and if it makes someone feel more comfortable to bring a friend/a date/their sister or whatever, that is good enough for me.

fedupofnamechanging · 03/04/2012 20:35

I did this - I had a very small, very cheap wedding (was totally skint at the time) and only invited people I knew.

(Tbh, there were people there that I would rather not have had, but they were related to either me or dh so I had to put up with them).

fivegomadindorset · 03/04/2012 20:35

YABU.

MissKeithLemon · 03/04/2012 20:35

YANBU Juneybean! I agree - have you thought about telling your friend that you won't be coming as you don't want to play gooseberry with other couples all day/night? See how she reacts if she thinks you won't actually come?

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird · 03/04/2012 20:36

I'm married but I often go to weddings on my own because DH can't get off work. Do people really go to a wedding and spend the whole day just with their partner? Not people I know.

BillyBollyBandy · 03/04/2012 20:36

I would always invite a +1, however I would also go alone if that was the invite.

Who knows you may meet MrJuneyBean2Be Smile

GreatBallsOfFluff · 03/04/2012 20:37

I know exactly where you're coming from. I have been invited to neighbour's daughter's evening do as has my mum and stepdad. They probably won't go as they live away. I'm single but there was no "plus one" on my invite. problem is I won't know anyone else except neighbours.

I am the same as you as I probably won't go as I won't have the confidence to go alone

Original poster
juneybean · 03/04/2012 20:38

I appreciate what you're all saying and I'll readily admit I'm not the most social butterfly.

It'll be a MissJuneyBean2Be I'm looking for and certainly won't find it at this wedding Wink

OP posts:
manticlimactic · 03/04/2012 20:38

I'm single and I would be happy to have an invite without the 'plus one'. Pain in the arse having to find a date or even worse the 'where's your plus one??' questions.

EdithWeston · 03/04/2012 20:40

I would not invite anyone to a formal event who I did not know well enough to put their name on an invitation.

I'd be very happy to meet and include new boyfriends/girlfriends/random shag of the week/whoever, but not at a traditional ceremony.

If there is someone you particularly want included, who you think may have been overlooked by accident, then I suggest you ring enquire.

civilfawlty · 03/04/2012 20:41

Yeah. What Gaviacon said. My single wedding guests divided neatly between those who accepted, came along, were jolly and engaging and had a brilliant time and those (two in particular) who really kicked off about it. One declined the invite and the other came and sulked - I thought both were rather dull and spectacularly self-absorbed to think I would use my limited capacity on someone I'd never net before instead of another friend.

Go and be a great guest and enjoy your friends' hospitality and watch them make this huge commitment. And if you can't do that - don't go.

bonnieslilsister · 03/04/2012 20:42

find out if there are going to be any single men before you decide to back out!

bonnieslilsister · 03/04/2012 20:44

whoops x post

leftmysociallifeatthedoor · 03/04/2012 20:47

Yabu. We did +1 on all our guests at the expense of not being able to invite other people we actually knew. One of dh's mates brought some random girl from work who he wanted to shag, she was rude, miserable and dressed like a stripper. Dh's mate went home with the bridesmaid.

blizy · 03/04/2012 20:48

YABU why would your friend want a random stranger at her wedding?
I had this same problem with my wedding, my single friends were given an invite for themselves only. Our numbers were restricted due to venue size and money, we chose to invite friends and family who have supported us as a couple and who we love.

However, my friend did ask if she could have a partner come along to the evening do. We didn't have problem with this.
Would your friend allow you to bring a partner to the evening reception?

Original poster
juneybean · 03/04/2012 20:49

I'm only invited to the evening reception.

OP posts:
janedoedoejanejanedoe · 03/04/2012 20:49

YABU - we were so tight on numbers I had to exclude wifes/husbands, and I explained and my friends were fine about it, as were their other halves.

DH and I had sentimental reasons for chosing our venue.

CountryMouse27 · 03/04/2012 20:50

Oh sweetie. I feel your pain. We had a couple of random plus ones at our wedding but happily those relationships worked out and we've all become friends and been to their weddings subsequently.

Don't torture yourself about this. If you're not comfortable then decline but if you want to save yourslef some angst then think of a different excuse. When the couple and other guests find out why you dont want to come then there will be a mixed reaction (as above responses are a good example) and you probably will end up under even more pressure to "come and have a good time - we'll make sure you're not sat on your own" cue getting sat with someone's drunk husband for the evening while he snoozes on your shoulder.

HappyCamel · 03/04/2012 20:52

YABU

You might meet the man of your dreams there, it's happened to several people I know

Some of your friends might end up going on their own because their partners are babysitting/ill/busy

Your self esteem won't improve if you don't challenge yourself occasionally

You'll miss out celebrating your friend's wedding with her. It's a day where her feelings are more important than yours.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/04/2012 20:52

Unfortunately numbers are a big consideration at a wedding. I felt bad about not being able to invite plus ones, but it was either that or invite fewer friends.

wheresthepopcorn · 03/04/2012 20:53

I don't see the problem as long as you know a few people there. Besides, you get to be interesting mystery female at wedding - what's wrong with that?

Original poster
juneybean · 03/04/2012 20:53

Grin countrymouse wouldn't be the first time I've had someone's drunk husband snoozing on me!

Janedoe I'd feel better if my other friends husbands weren't invited, as it'd be more of a girly night out.

Ah well.

OP posts:
victorialucas · 03/04/2012 20:56

You sound like you're 14 or something! You can't wait around until you 'find a man' until you start living your life to the full. Embrace your singleness!

PuppyMonkey · 03/04/2012 20:56

Have been to loads of weddings when single and always the invitation said plus one. Quite surprised at all the YABUs you're getting.