to be so utterly shocked by what I have discovered by looking through my ELEVEN year old's phone...

[Cathycomehome]

and to feel like a terrible parent, and to not even recognize the child that wrote these messages?

All of what mathanxiety says.

I think some people on this thread are very misguided; they appear to be confusing openness about human sexuality (a good thing) with acceptance of all sexual behaviour as "normal".

I was brought up in a family where you did not talk about sex or periods or masturbation. I think this is wrong and stupid. So I teach my children tpwhat a vulva is, how babies are made, what masturbation is.

I do no expect or accept that at age 11 they will be obsessed with sex, that they will trade sexually explicit and hate-filled remarks with their peers. None of this is normal or acceptalble. People here seem to think because it happens, it is inevitable. I disagree.

The posters upthread who said: "so, you purposely embarrassed him by raising the subject?! He will never confide in you again!" are seriously missing the point.

Just been through a very similar experience with my Yr 7 12 DS. Messages to a girl about 'boobs and stuff'. I am horrified.

I sat him down and we've talked. Life was much easier when I was 12 and there were no phones and no fb. What kids must understand is that any message they put out there stays out there forever. In our days we'd talk about these things but now there's a permanent record of what kids get up to or talk about and that can come out and haunt them in years to come.

Wow, depressing pornification of society. Yes your boy sounds lovely and no this is not ok for any 11 year old. Math has the right approach and OP you sound like your managing this as well as possible in the circs.

In response to some of the other posters, so what if he feels embarrassed at having his texts read out to him? Isn't that exactly what he should feel? That's not the same as shaming him for his burgeoning sexuality which I'm sure the OP wants to respect fully.

So much of growing up is about balancing peer pressure and fitting in with what you know is right and what you know is right for you. It is a balancing act. It's your parents' job to help you get that balancing act right. In this case the peer pressure is winning out and the other side is missing so action is required.

sorry, I meant depressing not so much that your boy wrote these texts (although that too) but that so many on MN have said "yeah, that's ok, it's like that these days".

Hasn't it been like that ...forever? but the forums of technology werent around in the past.

I have an 11 yr old DS. I am shocked and feel for you, it must have been awful to read all that.

I have just asked DS to bring in his phone so I can look at it....

I was an eleven year old girl once and my friends and I talked nervously about periods and read "Are you there, God, it's me, Margaret?".

We did not call boys bickheads, girls sluts or trade porn in any medium.

Bickheads??
Dickheads

I have an 11 DS too only just last month though. He doesn't have a phone. His pc is right here besides mine so I can see what he is up to and I regularly monitor his msn etc as some of his older nieces and nephew can say/do stuff a little outside my acceptable criteria.

Am that this is natural for 11 year olds. As far as I can see DS is interested in nerf guns, minesweeper and attempting to own a 3DS. Girls and all this stuff seem so far down the list as to be off it. Completely off it based on my attempts at conversation after his sex ed at school.

Perhaps I am just in denial.

Mind you back in my day it was going through the dictionary for naughty words

Xales- wait til he starts secondary school!

OP only got to page 2 of this thread but cant believe you sat ds down and embarassed him thay way

My son was like that last year xales (and still is too a large extent), but whether it's peer pressure or hormones, his text language and I assume language to friends out of adult earshot is awful

I think you handled it well, OP.

I have had discussions with my dd aboout what is and isn't acceptable and peer pressure etc - whn i've queried slightly dodgy facebook posts she's had (not made) she's seen them from my point of view. Ideally, yu would have had these conversations before it gt to this stage, but better late than never.

BTW, this thread is why my dd is at a girls school! Think all boys are a nightmare from c 12-16! Some a bit longer...

I think that they are all split personalities. at the 11-14 age.
My friends son is still into lego, but I am sure he has discussions at school his mother would be shocked at.
I read Are you there God it's me Margaret too Greythorne!
I was into Enid Blyton too!
But at the same same (and to be fair this was a rough school in the bleak 80's) the boys, at 11, did have access to porn, and were interested in looking at it, and then chasing the girls around the playing field and trying to put their hands up our skirts.
This is why, when people say "girls mature sexually faster than boys" I thinks it's such a crock of shit. The boys were much more interested in anything sexual.
When I say that these things happened, I am in no way saying it's OK. Just that it's not that new.
Of course it's not OK, and it's not really about sex. It's about the normal beginnings of interest in sex being subverted by unpleasant and misogynistic imaginary.
I have no doubt that these boys were getting the porn off their dads, or older brothers.
I still think, though, that it doesn't have to mean that the boys will not grow out of this vileness. I have male friends from those days, and they have turned into decent guys.

Have never heard anyone say girls mature faster SEXUALLY in my life - only that they mature emotionally much earlier.