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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it irritating when people moan about wedding "stress"

125 replies

CaramelisedOnion · 02/04/2012 10:47

It seems to me that people getting married should be a joyful thing for them. While I appreciate that organising big events can be stressful - when I read (mostly on a different parenting forum!) about women saying they are "near to tears" with respect to dresses/canapes/flowers it makes my blood boil. They are getting married! They have a partner who loves them, they are going to have a celebration of that.

Fucking bridezillas Angry

OP posts:
MardyBra · 02/04/2012 10:51

I think YA mainly NBU.

However, I think different family expectations can make it stressful. My relationship with my mother deteriorated during the time of my wedding as she had very firm plans about what she wanted as her only time as mother of the bride, and DH and I wanted some less traditional elements.

ABatInBunkFive · 02/04/2012 10:51

Well organising my wedding reduced me to tears on a number of occasions due to the arseholeness of certain members of my family, there was a lot of 'wedding' stress. It wasn't supposed to be that way but we can't control other people.

I was far from a fucking bridezilla, thanks Hmm

DinahMoHum · 02/04/2012 10:53

i cancelled my wedding because of the stress of organising it

CailinDana · 02/04/2012 10:54

Planning a very big event like a wedding is extremely stressful. I had a wedding planner who did most of the planning for me, I got married abroad and only had a small number of guests and I still cried a good few times, despite not being massively into weddings at all. You want the day to go smoothly and it can seem like an insurmountable task when so many things need to be sorted out. Add to that the inevitable shit every single bride seems to get from their family and it's a recipe for tears.

I'm curious as to why it bugs you so much? Do you always believe you should be able to dictate how other people should feel about their lives?

AMumInScotland · 02/04/2012 10:54

I think you're forgetting the effect that the rest of people's families have on weddings - you might think it was easy to arrange some food, or a seating plan, or transport. But then your parents and siblings, and aunts and uncles and grandparents all start being awkward, and instead of a joyous occasion you are now orchestrating a small war. If you have the kind of family who are quick to take offence, then you can be in the middle of a full-scale family feud, trying to decide whether it is more important to keep your sister happy or to placate your granny.

Oh, plus you are probably trying to keep the peace with his family, who all have their own foibles, and you don't even know who is going to take offence.

TheMonster · 02/04/2012 10:55

It annoys me too. It always seems that the things they stress over are just for show anyway. I'd love to get married, but after six years of being engaged, we still cannot afford it. Envy

BusinessTrills · 02/04/2012 10:55

YABU

Getting married is a joyful thing.

Having a wedding - organising a massive event with lots of relatives and friends, not all of whom get on, all of whom have opinions on the right way to do things - can be stressful.

CailinDana · 02/04/2012 10:56

Why can you not afford it Body? It doesn't cost much to book a registry office.

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 02/04/2012 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Deflatedballoonbelly · 02/04/2012 10:57

YANBU!

laughlovelife · 02/04/2012 10:57

YABU, mostly its other peoples wants, and family fall outs, seating plans, etc... that is the stress of wedding planning, the love the couple have for each other, does not come into equation when the above needs doing.

wedding planing is considered to be the most stressful time in a persons life, along with moving house.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/04/2012 10:59

The thing is, wedding chatter is often mundane and boring to everybody but the bride. That fact doesn't negate that she can be stressed out over what a presumed to be very trivial things.

I was going to say that I thought you were right, OP, BUT, given that I've seen people get stressed over what I think are inconsequential issues (non-wedding related) - and have been known to get strung out myself over what might be considered trivia... I think you're wrong.

Tune it out, if it doesn't affect you and you can't/don't want to help or support, block it out and then you won't get irritated.

ipswichwitch · 02/04/2012 10:59

this is why we are having a simple, fuss free wedding. just a small group at the ceremony, with afternoon tea afterwards. no evening do, can't afford it, will prob just enjoy a few drinks after with anybody who wants to join us. couldnt give a stuff about colour schemes/matching whatnot/flowers/etc. we refuse to bankrupt ourselves and get stressed out over what should be a happy day (and yes, it is just one day!). we've been through too much this past 3 years to want that sort of hassle tbh

HettyKett · 02/04/2012 11:00

Meh, just because they are luxury problems doesn't make them any less stressful.

I do think this whole massive wedding thing is crazy though. The point of the thing does seem to get lost in the planning stage.

scuzy · 02/04/2012 11:00

i was not a bridezilla, i only lost my temper and shouted at someone once.. and that was my dad who was bitching over the seating plan for the meal.. so i threw it at him and told him to do it his-self because i was clearly too dim to know where to sit people!

lol this is definately bridezilla behaviour!

thefurryone · 02/04/2012 11:01

I almost had a nervous breakdown in the run up to my wedding thanks to my parents, particularly my Mum, and my Mum's family. The stress was absolutely nothing to do with flowers and everything to do with people who apparently love me ruining what should have been a very happy time in my life. My Mum in particular rang me constantly to slag off my Dad and then complain that I was just like him. This went on for over a year.

If it wasn't for DH having his heart set on a massive party with all our friends and family I would have insisted on eloping.

So in my case YABU, but YA also NBU as people who only have to worry about canapés don't know how easy they have it Grin

R2PeePoo · 02/04/2012 11:03

YANBU

But then I knew I wouldn't enjoy planning my wedding so I opted out and let my mum and DH organise it. The only thing I did was pick a dress and turn up. Occasionally they showed me things and I nodded, but I just wanted to get married to DH, they wanted the party etc so they organised it. I didn't have any expectations of a 'perfect day', but it was pretty good once I was there.

SuePurblybilt · 02/04/2012 11:05

Is it because it's self-inflicted, that you have less sympathy? In the sense that there's no point whinging that you're stressed that the doves you ordered dip-dyed have come out more mauve than pink?

I'm YANBU on that. But as I think family issues contribute to most of the rest of the stress, praps YABU

CailinDana · 02/04/2012 11:07

The main thing I found stressful with planning my wedding was the fact that I wasn't allowed to complain about a single thing because if I did I was immediately called a "bridezilla" by my shit of sister. So I had to go along with her choice of bridesmaid's dress and pay for it, or suffer the consequences. It was shit.

Original poster
CaramelisedOnion · 02/04/2012 11:07

obviusly I dont feel like I should always dictate to people about their lives Hmm think that´s a bit of a stretch from finding wedding whinges irritating!

I think it has to do with the whole big wedding thing really - it just all feels a bit "my diamond shoes are pinching my feet".

OP posts:
Original poster
CaramelisedOnion · 02/04/2012 11:07

*obviously (sp)

OP posts:
Ephiny · 02/04/2012 11:07

I'm a bit baffled by it as I haven't experienced any 'wedding stress' at all - but then we're having a simple wedding, just a civil ceremony then lunch for immediate family and closest friends. I can imagine it's a lot more stressful organising a huge all-day bridal extravaganza with 100 guests, and coordinating caterers, venues, musicians, photographers etc - organising any large event is a lot of work. But for a lot of people there seems to be more stress than pleasure in it, in which case I wonder why they're bothering.

Actually the only bit of stress we've had is future-MIL being weird about it not being a 'proper' wedding, not inviting everyone she thinks we should etc. But that is easily handled by just saying 'no' as many times as is necessary!

BusinessTrills · 02/04/2012 11:10

Even just a civil ceremony then lunch for immediate family and closest friends can be stressful, it depends on who your family are!

emsyj · 02/04/2012 11:11

YABU. The main reason people get stressed about wedding planning is because every bugger and his wife and their dog think they get to put their two pence worth in and dictate how it should all be done. If people could just get on and do what they wanted without guests and family whining and complaining, things would be less stressful and the said guests and family would not be on the receiving end of the stress they caused in the first place.

thefurryone · 02/04/2012 11:15

Yes OP that's right having a self-centred mother who has no respect for me or my feelings is a case of my diamond shoes being too tight Hmm.

I've noticed this type of attitude a lot lately. Do you think only people earning minimum wage are allowed to have problems and complain about things?