To find it irritating when people moan about wedding "stress"

[CaramelisedOnion]

It seems to me that people getting married should be a joyful thing for them. While I appreciate that organising big events can be stressful - when I read (mostly on a different parenting forum!) about women saying they are "near to tears" with respect to dresses/canapes/flowers it makes my blood boil. They are getting married! They have a partner who loves them, they are going to have a celebration of that.

Fucking bridezillas

knowitall

Hmmm I don't know not wanting to offend people and balancing a limited budget is stressful as fook.

Being reduced to tears about canape flavours is a bit ridiculous - those ppl need a real problem.

I was reduced to tears by my divorced parents. My mother wanted to bring the man she had had a two year affair with before leaving my dad, then threatened to show up drunk if she wasn't allowed to.

But mostly I think this is about stages. Sure, when you've got a couple of toddlers, stressing about the colour of the candles sounds ridiculous.

But I expect that when you have kids going to late-night parties, drinking and (possibly) doing drugs and having unprotected sex, all those conversations about what colour some perfectly healthy child's poo is will sound a little ridiculous too.

BTW, I hired a newspaper photographer for my wedding and told him he had 30 minutes. he did a great job.

I have 4 months to go until my wedding and so far things have been pretty painless. But my parents have been pretty hands-off about the whole thing (as they bloody should be seeing as we're paying for it), and barring a bit of oddness between my divorced parents family politics has been pretty much nonexistent. But I can see how if parents are paying that they'd expect far greater input in design and guest list, and that tensions could run much higher if that were the case.

Personally I think that all other things being equal, when people get really wound up about a wedding it's often displaced anxiety about how life-changing it is to get married. Because there's so much pink fluffy 'romantic' bollocks around the whole ceremony thing, it feels as though there's no room for totally valid anxieties about lifelong commitment, choosing the right person, staying sexually interested, what the future will hold and all the stuff that getting married is actually about. As if you're supposed to be playing the princess in the 'happy ever after' bit of the fairytale, and princesses never get cold feet. So any cold-feet type feelings get displaced onto hissy fits about envelope linings or chair covers.

YABU.

I think I'd be quite pleased if someone's biggest problem for their wedding was whether the ribbons on the favour boxes matched the ribbons on the chair covers on their wedding day. Why should life have to be unbearably shit before people are allowed to complain about it?

I think, as a bride currently planning a 2012 wedding, YAB a bit U.

Current ishoos stressing me out include:

Will my grandad be hospitalised before or after the wedding and if before, should I continue?

Where to seat poor DP's family because all of mine hate them

I want pink flowers on the cake. Nan (who's making it) wants blue. How to let her down gently and still get a nice cake.

Mum has decided to announce that she is 'no way wearing the same colour as mother of the groom'. Swiftly followed by Nan saying 'well I'm not going to wear the same colour as her either'. I don't give a hoot, but now I'm not only planning a wedding but coordinating my guests clothes so nobody is wearing the same colour.

Weddings are stressful because they are one of the biggest psychodramas many of us will experience. The fact they are meant to be all about love an family makes the cognitive dissonance, and therefore the stress all the greater.

Jamie - you put it much more concisely than I did

JobCarHouse - can't you just give them each others' phone numbers and leave them to duke it out?

Jobcar

I can solve all of your problems:

Will my grandad be hospitalised before or after the wedding and if before, should I continue?

Does your grandad want you to cancel if he can't make it? If no then carry on. If yes then cancel now.

Where to seat poor DP's family because all of mine hate them

seat DPs family on one table and your on another - dont be sucked into high table bollocks

I want pink flowers on the cake. Nan (who's making it) wants blue. How to let her down gently and still get a nice cake.

Have blue flowers on the cake. Afterall who cares what colour cake flowers are

Mum has decided to announce that she is 'no way wearing the same colour as mother of the groom'. Swiftly followed by Nan saying 'well I'm not going to wear the same colour as her either'. I don't give a hoot, but now I'm not only planning a wedding but coordinating my guests clothes so nobody is wearing the same colour.

give all parties not wanting to clash/match each others contact details and let/make them sort it out themselves - this is simply not your problem, it is theirs.

YANBU
yes it is a busy time, but it is not a bad time.
my SIL compared the problems she had will her DD over her DD'S wedding to my DD's disability.......
i mean What the flying fuck

My hair started falling out my oh family we're causeing e so much stress

1- my sister in law refused to come to any fittings and only made herself free for a fitting the day before the wedding so instead of getting what I needed I spent it trying to get her dress altered

2- we invited children on the proviso that we were hiring a cache that the children would be droped off there (only in the next room to the reception btw ) but the same sister in law refused to put her twins in it, then at the wedding demand that they open early so she could put her twins in it.

3- brother in law droped out of being a grooms man as he didn't like the suit said it was cheap (Ben Sherman suit btw)

4- wedding finished at 8 mother in law left at 3 left straight after the first dance

5- mother in law didn't speak to me or oh for the whole wedding expect to say she was leaving didn't say I looked nice didn't introduce herself to any one v rude

6- mother in law and sister in law told every one they were relived the wedding wasn't as tacky as they thought I was going to be

7-my sister had a fight with oh a week before the wedding she didnt want a rented suit for my nephew she wanted us to buy one and after the fifth time explaining why we couldn't afford it oh snapped and shouted at her she then said she would no longer come to wedding

8- I had to go to my dress fitting on my own everyone sw to busy

9- sister In law said she was unable to come to my hen night due to other commitments (we hadn't chosen time or location at this point)
My hair started falling one month before the wedding and on the actall wedding day I ened u in tears

also even if you care what colour the flowers are you probably care more that the cake isn't laced with something unpleasant...

mrBo

point 1 and 2. you should not have stepped in. SIL dress/creche is SIL problem. Dont be a rescuer!

point 3-7 and 9. These things suck but are outside your control. Ignoring is the way forward. It is not your fault if the people you are related to are dicks. Ignore!

1. this is quite sad...although I didnt do the dress fitting thing I know I had nice dress trying on moment with my DM so I am sorry you missed out on that....

Mrbojangles1 If it helps, I did all the dress marlarky alone as my mum is no longer with us, and I felt I'd rather be alone if she couldn't be there. Some things just can't be helped .

entropygirl by that time I was so worn down by it all I just remember sitting in the dress makers with tears streaming down my face

It took us a year to plan the wedding and not once did his parents even ask how it was going

I had no mum or dad at my wedding, my sisters didn't come and all his own family that came could muster was scorn

I can't even watch the wedding video with out crying

MrBo wow....that really sucks.

but would you really want a sister that strops off over a suit for her son to be at your wedding?

I think a lot of problems are caused by people thinking they 'need' family there just for the sake of them being there. If you don't get on with someone (or they prove themselves to be so utterly petty) then I wouldn't invite them to my wedding just because we share some DNA....

I wish we had just gone off with me oh and my son and get married

Well I think it has become eminently clear that there are two sources of wedding stress:

A) taking on too much responsibility for adults who are in reality perfectly capable of dressing and turning up to a wedding by themselves

B) having daft relatives.

I will take credit for avoiding A) for my wedding but can take no credit at all for having reasonable sensible grown up relatives or even for marrying a person who also had reasonable sensible grown up relatives.

So I will have to change my YANBU to a YABU on the basis that people don't get to choose their family....

I'm enjoying all the planning.. [weirdo emoticon]

I organised 2 weddings with receptions a week apart ( one wedding and one blessing) in 5 months. I wasn't in the country to make the on site decisions for the second one and organised it with the help of my mum no problem. No stress no agro and both days were fab .... I had dresses made for bridesmaids and the ones who were not in the Uk for fittings had a first and final fitting 2 days before.
Had 70 guests at each , family participated at both and would do it all again .... Oh and I did all the travel and accom in each place as well for the guests. The night before the second one in the Uk we had a party at home so I could catch up with friends family etc that I probably wouldn't have time to speak to on the day.
Loved every minute of it all .....

Yes the picking the bits and bobs is really nice family acting ike fools not so nice

I just hope those of you who 'enjoy' the stress, expensive and trouble of a big wedding will be supportive of your own children if/when they get married .

I still think most of these problems are mainly self inflicted because secretly many of you really want a "big do'' (nothing wrong with that, but you have to accept that organising any big function is stressful).

Perhaps I am lucky in that my family are particularly laid back and no cared whether or not they weren't invited to our tiny wedding .

I genuinely hope that if my DS gets married he decides to elope !

Ragwort I had 40 people at my wedding including children and the cache workers

So I don't agree rag