To expect STBX to have DC overnight in school holidays???

[kerbear]

Been separated 1 year but only lived apart from STBX since Septembr 2011 due to selling house. He has the 3 DC every other weekend and collects the 2 youngest from shool every day and cares for them until I finish work.

However, I asked STBX if he would consider having the 3 DC for 1 whole week (including overnights) of the Easter half term. He has refused stating that when they are not there that he does the majority of his work (he is self employed and works from home). But......he has said that he will look after them every day during the holidays as was originally agreed at the start of the separation.

The 3 DC are old enough to keep themselves entertained whilst they are at his during the day and there is a park at the end of his road which they go to on a regular basis, so I know he will do his work during the day. He does have an OW and I know he spends most of his evenings at hers with her n her 2 children.

He has told me that the DC are the most important people in his life....yet he won't have them anymore than the agreed every other weekend. He has them overnight for 4 nights a month.

Am I really being unreasonable to ask him to have them for 1 whole week??

YANBU

I would bet that he doesn't want you to meet someone else and feels this is more likely if you go out at night.

YANBU.

Also, I've always wanted to ask what does the STBX mean?

soon to be ex i presumed?

yanbu

Soon To Be Ex

Soon To Be eX

would he consider a couple of overnights each week?

Aaah thank you. I thought it STB might have stood for stupid bastard.

Well, in some cases...

YANBU not entirely sure what you can do about it though.

He won't consider any overnights except every other weekend. I have started divorce proceedings and I have stipulated in the paperwork that I want him to have them for 1 week during the Easter half term and 2 weeks in the summer holidays, including overnights.

To me if they are that important to him then he would jump at the chance at having them, because I know I would if the shoe was on the other foot. I also know that part of the reason, though he will never admit it, is because it would mean that I would be on my own to be able to do what I wanted. I just feel that he is being a selfish bas*d!!!!

I think that's awful, DS's dad and I sort of divvy holidays up between us to suit us both. Like he is having him next week as I have hospital appointments Tuesday and Wednesday, and I've agreed to have him after xDP's engagement party so he can celebrate it in style, and the rest of the time we'll just see what our DS wants to do.

Most people I know who are separated from their children jump at the chance of having them overnight-just not my ex!!! I can't understand his logic behind being able to have them all day, but not overnight!!! It is soooo frustrating-they even asked me to ask their dad if they could stay, which I did, and then it was up to me to tell them that they couldn't!!!!

my question about a couple of overnights, was whether he though that a week might be too long, but if he won't have any extra that is pretty crap of him.
presumably he has room for overnights?
have they met his new partner and her children, would they be happy staying there and is this something which he might consider?
how old are they?

YANBU

My exp refuses to have ds for any more over the holidays than the one night and two days a week that he has him. Despite the fact I normally take ds away to stay at my parents house in Spain for either 2 or 3 weeks during the summer so you would think he would want to spend a time of time with him when we get back.

strandedbear yes every day in the holidays so that I can continue to work.

chasingsquirrels yes he has the room as they stay there every other weekend.

Our children are 14, 9 and 6.

He has been with his OW for 3 weeks and has already introduced the children to her n her kids-though I don't think an overnight stay at hers is an option at the moment-he has no idea where that relationship is going and only 2 weeks before this OW he had another OW who he was involved with for 3 months, denied her to me and the kids, cheated on her, she dumped him and he told me she "was the best thing that had ever happened to him"!!!!

Oh well, I think overnight if he is having them every day is probably asking a lot. Didn't realise that, thought he was only having him his weekends.

I don't think it is unusual or unreasonable, but ultimately it's up to you both to agree.

My x doesn't ever have the dc during holidays. He will only do daytime and then only until I finish work. He also has said he wants to spend lots of time with them but I think the reality is that he doesn't.

Oh every day? I didn't read that. I don't think you've got much to complain about then tbf. I'm assuming he'll be taking them during the days at the weekend when you won't be working and he is spending extra time with them which is nice.

Is it really 'asking him a lot' to be involved in his childrens care?!

why is their childcare only their mums responsibility?

But why is it 'too much' to have them over night too?!

surely it would be easier if they stayed at his? im sensing a clash with his social life.

You sound very demanding.

and if you are separated she is not the other woman.

ha, yes completely agree with you OP on current partner point, 3 weeks in isn't appropriate at all. Probably explains why he doesn't want over nights - if he wants to be with her.

It is great that he is having them in the day so you can work, and it is a shame if they want to stay some extra nights with him that he doesn't want them to. But is is having them every day, and it is still early days in terms of your split.

I would vent a bit of your annoyance on here/to friends and move on. Maybe things will be different in the summer holidays.