AIBU to want a fucking reply when I text!!! Rant needed.

[CrapBag]

There is a large group of us who are friends. There is only 1 out of the whole lot that I can rely on to text back at all. I always reply, even if I am unable to do it straight away, I will at the next available opportunity.

I find it rude tbh. It doesn't take more than a minute. It will often be a question as well. Last night I sent out a group text to 10 of my friends. I got 2 replies. Today I sent 12 about an activity for next week. I have had 3 replies. I know I won't get any more than that. I know that when I see them and ask "did you get my message" it will be the usual "oh yeah, I meant to reply to that". The same excuse every single fecking time.

And it isn't me, my other friend says the same and will often text me as she can rely on an answer.

Does anyone else think it is rude? And if you are one of those who don't reply, seriously - its irritating. Just take a minute from your day to answer, particularly when its asking a question.

Before anyone says about not communicating by text, it is the easiest way when you are trying to organise group activities.

I agree with u crapbag it's very rude and irritating. I suggest you stop texting them and when they finally realise and ask ,,bloody well let them have both barrels. Drives me mad as its also like They are far too busy and important to answer u.

Your timescale is way too short OP to arrange a meet up I may have to check my work rota, be able to chat to DH which as this week I have mainly come home from work after he is asleep and he has left before I wake and maybe swap with a colleague it could take me three to five days to be able to get you an answer to your text.

Gah! Why not just answer people in the manner they contact you - which I believe is polite.

Why not just contact people in the manner most preferred to them? Which I believe is also polite. In fact, I'd be more inclined to place the responsibility of being polite on he person who is doing the contacting (you texting me, for example) as they are the one making demands on another.

Back - I too grew up without mobiles. I think some people on this thread take a rather extreme and superior view that they are above answering people in whatever timescale and by whatever means of communication

Lizcatin that case, just text back "Need to check calendar / with DH / whatever. I'll get back to you" It's not hard to be polite

It's like ignoring soemone if they speak to you - just rude

It's like ignoring soemone if they speak to you - just rude

I might ignore someone who interrupted what I was doing or who I was speaking to, jumped up in my face and said "SPEAK TO ME NOW!" Which is essentially what a ringing phone says.

The concept of rude is subjective.

Because "thisisanickname" I don't honestoy think I'm supposed to remember everyone's personal foibles and preferences am I?

What if I don't have their address / need an urgent answer and they will only answer a letter

What if I leave a message on their home phone aswerphone, not realising that they delete everything without even listening?

What if I have been asked by a client to email someone, not realising that they delete all emails without reading?

And I hardly think responding to a taxt / call / email is "making a demand" on someone.

For example, a friend just texted me to tell me when the best time was to collect my daughter from her house. If I didn't respond, how would she know I'd received it? That I was coming when she needed me to be there?

Totally agree with curryspice

Don't answer the phone if it's not convenient. Nobody is saying you should. Just don't not respond ever.

So yeah. The concept of rude is objective. And I think people who don't respond to communication (not saying immediately, just within a reasonable timescale) are rude. And possibly a tad self-important.

That's fine, CurrySpice. I think people who don't consider the simple requests of others as a bit rude and self important. Variety is the spice of life.

But I don't see texting as talk I see it as equivalent to e-mail or written letter and therefore reply in full when solution reached.
I think the crux of this is that different people views text differently.
Clearly some people see texts as like a conversation and requiring immediate reply and others like myself see them as the written word that require a considered and not necessarily immediate reply. As the etiquette code has not been finalised for texting I suspect the concept of what is rude and what is not will exist for a while.

Lizcat. Just a "I'll get back to you when I know" isn't exactly a burden is it? Not exactly a drain on your valuable time and resources? I wouldn't expect a fullsome response within 24 seconds. But an acknowledgement (within a reasonable timescale) that you have recieved it and will answer more fully when you can is surely a bare minimum of politeness

ThisIs - how am I supposed to know what your individual communication preferences are? And how will I ever know if you don't ever respond?

I know I would have gone out of business years ago if I had such a lacksidaisical attitude to communication

But I see a text as similar to you sending me an invitation through the post or on e-mail and therefore I don't respond until I am able to give a full reply. So the timescale of reply is similar to an invitation through the post which for me three to five days is reasonable.

It's not that I am disrespectful just I don't see the text as the same kind of communication as you do so therefore the bare minimum of politeness is different.

In business I would not reply until I am able to give a full and comprehensive reply.

Business is different though, isn't it?

The arrogance of some people here is unreal, seems to be "I have sent you a text, how dare you not respond to me! I demand that you answer my trivial inconsequential missive immediately!"

I mean, look at the OP, ranting and raving that people don't jump to respond to her mass texts that go out regularly to many people. It's not all about you, people don't have to answer you, you're not the fecking queen of anything.

My point is that there are two groups of people:

Those who see texts as talk and who think YANBU.

Those who see texts as letters and who think YABU.

The book on texting etiquette has not be written so neither group is right or wrong.

I am not being rude or indecent just view texts as a totally different form of communication to you. I can see your view, but it is different to mine.

Micky nobody is saying immediately. At all.

But many people have said they don't answer texts ever. They delete all emails unread. They auto delete answerphone messages. They don't answer the mobile because their friends and family know they only answer landline OR they don't answer the landline because their friends and family know they only answer mobile (take your pick)

To me, that is arrogant - and rude.

Lizcat, that's all F&D if the person who has communicated with you has the same scale of "reasonable" as you do. I don't so TBH I'd be pretty pissed off if I asked you out to the pictures and youtook 5 days to respond, even with an "I'll let you know"

And in business, I think it's even more important to let people know if your "full and comprehensive" reply is going to take a working week!!

Anyway, I'm off out to dinner. I have texted DP to tell him I'm on my way in 5, he's texted back "see you soon!" and everyone's happy

Wow, can't believe how many responses this has got.

Ok, here we are over a day later and still 6 people haven't bothered to reply, including my best friend.

These are not aquaintances, these are my closest friends. I do not think that their lives are so unbelievably full that they cannot take less than a minute to send a text. It is the main way of communicating between our group. None of them begrudge using their phones, we don't even have each others landlines as it would never occur to us to use that method of communucation. We send texts and it is how we communicate as a group!

I was trying to arrange a bowling activity during the holidays as my DS said he wanted to try it. I know my friends work hours etc, who is on PAYG and who may be out of range and they still don't bother to reply, so yes I do consider it rude. Are such close friends really not worth less than a minute of someones time?

Some people on here should just get rid of their phones or not bother to give the number to friends if it is such a massive inconvenience.

I agree with CurrySpice and the post above by Everlong, phoning each person to find out when they are available, then phoning everyone back again to confirm when others are available then phoning everyone to confirm the final details is just not going to be feasible.

And because a text is sent, I never assume it has been received until I get a reply. They don't always go straight through. I have had texts from DH hours after he actually sent it and I have already seen him.

What is wrong with me? Nothing. I respond to many texts from my friends. Not all of them since I tend to leave my phone off for days on end. But your notion that you deserve an answer to every text is the very definition of arrogance. It's inherently self absorbed.

Crapbag you are right. A total bugbear of mine. I dont expect an instant response, but I think it is perfectly reasonable to expect a response within 24 hours at the latest.

Its just basic manners really.

Crapbag have you considered just organising things to do with the friends that actually respond to you, and just forget trying to include the ones that cant be arsed?

For the sort of text you sent I would say "anyone who fancies going bowling during the holidays please phone or text me before Saturday night to arrange it".
That way your friends have a deadline (the holidays have only just started so I'd have given them a couple of days to discuss with their families what they are doing). The people who want to come reply, those who have other plans don't need to bother. If no-one has replied by Sat pm you just go as a family group.
If it is a common occurrance that you are always trying to arrange things and they never reply then maybe they don't like feeling that you are trying to organise their spare time for them and you need to find a hobby you can do without them. If I kept inviting friends to things and they never bothered to reply or turn up I wouldn't consider those people friends and would stop trying to organise them. Maybe just organise things with 2 or 3 and phone each other, again if you are always the one organising stuff then maybe reduce the frequency until they start wanting to arrange to meet up as well.
I'm someone who regards text messages as like letters though, I reply to them within a couple of days unless a time scale is given or it's obviously urgent.

"Some people on here should just get rid of their phones or not bother to give the number to friends if it is such a massive inconvenience."

It is not for you to judge others' purposes in owning a mobile phone, nor the use they choose to put it to. Owning a phone is convenient for me, but on my terms (because it's my phone!). I could quite easily not have one and then no-one could accuse me of not using it properly. But I think I'll hang on to it all the same, unless/until the OP becomes Minister for Telecommunications and has it taken away.

My life got much less stressful once I accepted that texts are not valid contact, if someone wants to talk to me they will.

Texts don't really count, sorry. I get one from my Sister, who i love dearly, and fully intend to reply, but rela things get in the way and I forget. If she wants to get hold of me she knows email is better.